Lost Weekend

I didn't lose the whole weekend, just yesterday and today (which I know is Monday, but it's all running together for me.) It's about 11:30; I'm having a colonoscopy in two hours. At this point, I'm mostly bored, and HUNGRY. I thought I'd post now rather than think of the food I'm going to eat the second I come home later on.

It seems like a long time without writing for me, for no real reason. I thought a log about July 4, but couldn't decide where to go with it. It used to be a family holiday, a barbecue in our backyard, but the kids are all dispersed now, and my parents are gone. Maybe we'll restore it someday. It was a lot of work for me, but also a lot of fun. And truth be told, we did it as simply as we could. The vegan Hubs even cooked all the meat for everyone, but I don't know if we even have a grill anymore. Ah, I'll put it on the list for future consideration.

I couldn't eat solid food yesterday, so I pretty much slept as much as I could. I should have had a morning appointment; I did, for last week, but had to postpone it because the Father's Day barbecue at my sister-in-law's got postponed a week, so I couldn't have done the preparation.

Anyway, the worst of it is over, and I do like the feeling of going under the anesthesia. All I want to do now is eat. The good news is that this time, I actually did lose a couple of pounds. So altogether, I'm down a little over six pounds in about ten days. Not a rate I expect to continue, but if I can get two more by the end of the week, I'll be back to where I was before I started gaining the weight back. And maybe then the Wii Fit won't tell me that I'm obese. :(

So that's my story.




watching WILL AND GRACE :: ENTRY #2080
READING: ----- by -----

Nobody Knows ...

.. the tired I feel.

I actually had to take a break second period today -- so that's like 8:45 -- and go down to the faculty room and close my eyes for twenty minutes. I set the alarm on the phone and yes, it woke me. I fell asleep sitting up on a couch in the faculty room. As much as it pains me, I may have to try to go to sleep tonight at ten, which means no George Lopez, but I gotta be a little pro-active here.

In other news, I went to see Resnick the Gut Doctor today and he said, among other things, that I need a CAT scan of my liver and I need to keep losing weight. Because he suspects there are fat deposits in my liver, which could lead to, among other things, cirrhosis, and I want to tell you, I am not having that. I haven't consumed as much alcohol in my life as your typical sixteen year old, for one, and for two, I haven't been overweight long enough for it to kill my liver. I realize the Resbnick is being diligent, and that's what you want your doctor to do, but I am not having this. Anyway, no emergency; I'm having the CAT scan on President's Day -- February 16 -- when I'm also having blood work, since it's all fasting so a day when there's no school is best.

As for me, as soon as I talk to R, which should be in ten minutes or so, I'm jumping back on the Wii Fit, because it is certainly the cause of my recent loss of about five pounds. I need to do it every day, if I can, instead of three or four times a week, and it's just too bad if it interferes with everybody else's Internet. (Although I just moved the router a little while ago, so maybe that problem is solved.)

Anyway, I hear the Hubs in the kitchen, so that means he's not on the Internet. I can probably fit in my body test before she calls. I wonder how much the pastrami sandwich I just had weighs? I didn't eat the bread, I swear!


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1970
READING: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke

It Must be Contagious

I think my husband is deaf. I think so because I know that I am, and I have the TV in the family room turned up pretty loud so that I can hear it, and when he's working in the kitchen right next door, he puts on the TV and it drowns out everything for rooms around. I'm looking at Ross and Rachel, and I'm hearing Jack McCoy talk about some grisly murder.

My tummy is not so settled again, and I'm having a hot flash on top of that. But I'm smiling!

K and I went to a W8 Watchers meeting today. Although I did it online for a good while, I've never been to a meeting before. I think if I weren't taking the nice happy pills, I would have found the speaker disturbingly perky, but it was okay. K did suggest though that if we both want to go to meetings that we not go together as a rule, because she observed that in any combination, she, her sister and I tend to play off each other and become very cynical. A pretty good observation. I'll see how it goes anyway. It does combine pretty well with what I learned from the nutritionist last week. Now if I could only figure out why my tummy still hurts, I'd have it all figured out.

We had a deluge here a little while ago, with tornado warnings. (This is not generally a tornado part of the country.) The Sibs in the next town over saw terrible winds, but we didn't have that, only some very serious rain.

I'm going to make a couple of phone calls and then collapse. See you tomorrow.

WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1833
SUMMER BOOK #6: Big Russ and Me by Tim Russert

Not Much

Not much is going on, but I feel like I may have turned a corner on this summer, not in a bad way. I went into school today and had a very pleasant and productive meeting with the principal. I also spoke with the Martian and cleared the air on that whole issue.

What was interesting about my talk with the Martian is that I felt completely like my real self. I had no anger towards her whatsoever, nor defensiveness. She appeared a little fragile and even frail. As I result, I went totally into protective mode, which is more like the real me. I would never come on strong with someone I perceive as weak or needy. Anyway, I apologized again, she thanked me and said continued apologies are unnecessary, we agreed to start fresh from here. Which is all I need.

Again, I think I'm feeling emotionally better today because I'm feeling physically not too bad. My shoulder isn't bothering me, my tummy has been quiet today, and what I thought was a cold seems more like allergies today (which is to say, it's not getting worse, like a cold does.) I took a reasonably pleasant two hour nap today.

The unfortunate moment of the day was when I put on a shirt to go out in and it was tight in the shoulders and didn't close over my massive bosom. I'm wearing one of those bras that has its own shape, so to speak; it could stand up on its own, so I'm hoping its that and not, heaven help me, more weight. I'm afraid to get on the scale as it is.

I am making more of an effort to finish the book I've been reading forever, and I got As I Lay Dying out of the library today while I was in school. I read The Sound and Fury when I was in college, which left me feeling no need whatsoever to read more Faulkner, but R thinks I should try this one. We'll see how it goes.

And that's it. I have a facial on tap for tomorrow morning. This is certainly The Summer of Me.

WATCHING TWO AND A HALF MEN :: ENTRY #1817
SUMMER BOOK #3: The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon

Hot? Is This Hot?

Heavens to Betsy, it is. According to the little weather ticker at the bottom of my browser, it's now 97 degrees, down from a high of 103. One hundred and three degrees Fahrenheit. This is not June weather, my dears, but really, what is anymore?

I shall share with you the glory that was public education today, but first this. If you have ever had a colonoscopy or are ever goingto have one -- so that's every last one of you -- you must read this. Not only is it a 100% dead-on account of what the experience is, it's Dave Barry, so it's pee-in-your-pants funny.

I am off briefly for physical therapy for my feet. Now, even I think this is overkill, but I'll go, once, anyway. I don't know if I have time in my life for more than that. The orthotics help, and I'm good with that. (Unless they do some sort of massage or something that really feels good, in which case I'm all in favor of my health insurance paying for foot massages. I have to pay for pedicures myself.)

I went to the little mall after school because that's where the big Chico's is, and I got an outfit to wear to the couples' shower at the end of the month. And I did it smart this time. Instead of buying clothes and then trying to figure out what kind of shoes to get, I wore my tan Merrill sandals and bought an outfit that goes with them. Score. Then I went to the big mall because that's where Sephora is, and I wanted to pick out a flavor of Philosophy body scrub. Except they didn't have the actual flavors (like vanilla, cinnamon, gingerbread) only the perfume-y scents and they were no good for me. So I'll just have to pick a flavor I like, all of the above, actually, and get it from QVC. Because what I need in my life is More Product.

Ah, I see by the clock on the wall that it's a quarter to six, so I'm off to see the feet people. The heat story is to be continued upon my return.

.
.
.

I'm back. For whatever that's worth.

So, it was hot. The kid whose schedule was supposed to take over the computer lab never showed. I mean, he was in school, but in each of his regular classrooms, when the teachers asked him if it was okay there, he said it was. He's apparently not a complainer, although I guess someone is on his behalf.

Rooms were hot, rooms were air conditioned. It was pretty much a random thing; even one side of the new building, which has central air, didn't work until the afternoon. Most of my school was built in the forties and fifties, before anyone was even thinking of putting central air anywhere except movie theatres. Kids were going to the nurse's office in droves and then getting picked up to go home. I don't know how many people on the staff went home sick. One of these was the SCM, who went home with a toothache; once again, I had trouble getting the V.P. to understand my situation and provide coverage, but it ultimately worked out. (I had asked her what I should do if no other teacher was there and I had to go to the bathroom, and she said to call her. I was imagining the announcement in the office following my phone call: "Hey, Chai has to go the bathroom!! Can anybody go up to the library and cover for her?" And since the answer would be No, since nobody there puts himself out for anyone, it would have been twenty minutes before the Martian herself made it up there, by which time disaster would have struck. Although the lawsuit for that would have been a beauty.)

Every neighboring town declared last night that their schools would only be open for a half day today, and half already called a half day for tomorrow. B-Town, not so much. At 2.00 today, they declared that we would have a 1.00 dismissal tomorrow at the high school only and only for students. But I'm guessing that a lot more kids and teachers both will just stay home. If we don't have enough kids in -- I don't know what the number is -- the state will not consider it to have been a school day, in which case they could have used the final snow day in our calendar after all and given us the day off. It's an interesting gamble. We'll see what happens.

Okay, I must eat. I don't feel like eating; I never do when it's hot like this, but I already have the headache. This is how I lost a ton of weight many years back; it was a hot summer and I was out of air conditioning a lot so I couldn't eat. I only stopped looking skeletal when I got pregnant the following summer. And of course I can't lose that way again, nor would I want to, but it's worth remembering. I'm not losing an ounce tonight, because I think I'll faint if I don't eat something within the next five minutes.


WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1776

The Weather Outside

while not exactly frightful, is far from delightful. It snowed all morning, then stopped, then maybe it rained some ... ick. I don't think the Hubs ever got to shovel because it was never that deep, but he went and swept before. Me? I haven't been out of the house all day, never even put on a real pair of pants, just jammies.

My mission for today was my closet. Yes, I did this not that long ago, but not with the epiphany I had the other day, which was "Hey, you know what? A lot of the stuff in that closet does not fit." Oy. I'm at yet another crossroads regarding weight, which is that yes, I know I need to lose some -- can't wait to hear what the doctor says on Wednesday -- but that will take some time, and until then, the sweaters and such that I've been wearing for the last few years are just too tight.

Epiphany #1: Take those clothes that don't fit out of the closet, which is so jam-packed that I can't even see what's in there that maybe does fit.

Epiphany #2: I need a few new things that do fit. But damn, I'm already wearing extra-large. Where do I go from here?

Epiphany #2.1: They make sizes bigger than Xl, moron.
Ephipany #2.2: What is marked XL in Target is not necessarily what would be XL anywhere else.

So, armed with my new found knowledge, I did go to Target the other night and got a couple of things (XXL and Women's whatever that first size is), and then I went to the Lands End department at Sears yesterday, where, behold, an XL actually is extra-large, and fits. I even found a new winter jacket there that didn't pull across my chest and I could wear a sweater under.

And today, I pulled out everything that I can't wear anymore. Most of it I just put away, because I could, realistically, lose 15 pounds sometime between here and death, so I could use it again. Some things K took, and the rest, I'll donate somewhere. (Actually, a club at school is having a coat and sweater drive, so I need to gather everything up and then just bring it in.) I had room to put the new stuff away, and I did indeed find a few things that I didn't remember putting there at the end of last winter.

Otherwise, I watched the Law and Order marathon, did a bunch of crossword puzzles, and took a nice nap. So, all in all, a pretty good day.


WATCHING LAW AND ORDER :: ENTRY #1638

A-OK

Hey, I got a postcard from boxx! How cool is that?

Well, I am much better today, emotionally anyway, and a modicum of better physically, but I'm seeing that doctor tomorrow. I appreciate your comments more than you know. And on to today's news.

The stress test went very well and I am fine. I was probably in there for an hour or a little less all told, but I don't think I walked on the treadmill for more than five or six minutes. The rest of it was getting hooked up, getting ultrasound pictures done of the heart before and after, and getting un-hooked up, not to mention little bits of time wasting here and there and talking to the doctor afterward.

I am fine, and am showing no early signs of blockage or any other kind of problem that I would have worried about, although he agrees that my family history made it a good idea to have the test done. He still doesn't know why I have that one irregular wave on my EKG, but says it doesn't seem to have caused a problem and some people are just like that.

The best news, since I didn't think he really would find anything wrong with my heart, is that my breathing issue is not a concern to him. I asked him what causes me to get short of breath as soon as I begin to exert myself, and here's his answer: "Your body is in an unconditioned state." Do we know what that means? It means "Exercise, you moron!" But he did tell me how to approach that, which I also wanted to hear from him. And take a baby aspirin every day.

So there you go. The Sibs went with me, but was not allowed in the room during the test, which is too bad because I think she's afraid to have it done and watching me would have convinced her. (But my report afterwards may have done the job.) After all, she's got the same family history I have, eh?

Anyway, I've still got that other stuff to deal with tomorrow, but in general, things feel much lighter. Speaking of which, I also discussed weight loss and weight loss goals with the doctor, and I liked his response very much. He asked me a variety of questions about my weight loss in the past, and then said, "Well, when you're ready ..." I like that he didn't say "Thirty pounds! Now!" which would have been very unrealistic. So I'm going to give myself some time to try the exercising (again) and then go back on WW.

Okay, folks, there you are. Thanks for sticking with me. Back to the normal cat poo tomorrow.

WATCHING DR. PHIL :: ENTRY #1540

The Vicious Circle of Life

I went to the doctor today.

Now, this is the kind of crap I've been reporting in my other blog, which is mostly about my weight and other health obessions, but this is pretty much the event of the day today for me, so here you go.

First of all, I really, really like this new doctor. I find her very perceptive, and very forthcoming with information that, you know, the doctors I've been seeing for years and years could have told be before. Hey, maybe they don't know (although I doubt that.) For example, I was describing my allergic reactions this year, and how my ears are being affected, and she said that yes, tinnitus patients often report that the noise gets louder during bad allergy seasons. Really! Take that, Harry Katz the Sinus Man.

Anyway, my blood pressure was great -- 110 over 70 -- although I didn't get cholesterol results because the doctor's office neglected to tell me that I was supposed to have blood work done last week. I'll get it done tomorrow and then they'll send me a report next week. I expect good results there as well.

We did discuss my weight; she was pleased with the 10 pound loss since my last visit, and confirmed that the way I'm eating (lots of fiber, limiting sodium) is a good plan. She said, however, that the only way I could really lose weight is by concentrated, vigourous aerobic exercise every day, for example, 40 minutes of hard work on a treadmill. And we all know that's not happening. My sodium sensitivity? Part of menopause. Once again, I did not know that.

As for having a heart work-up and a consultation with a cardiologist, she sees no symptoms but recognizes that I do have several of the risk factors, so she says it couldn't hurt. The office is going to call me back on that one to schedule.

But here's the biggie. She cut the dose of my estrogen/progesterone in half. This is the first step to getting me off of them completely, which she says will take TWO YEARS. Can you believe that? My gynecologist, you may recall, said that if I want to stop taking them, I should just stop. She must know that this would be very difficult for me. As it is, the doctor said today that I should anticipate all the lovely features of menopause to intensify, including hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings. Not to mention that I will be more sensitive to sodium and it will be harder for me to lose weight. She said that in two or three weeks, I will be very unhappy.

Doesn't that sound like fun? And that should just about coincide with the anniversary trip the Hubs and I are taking. So I figure, I can put off the medication change until after that. What's two weeks out of two years?

So hang on, folks, the next couple of years could be a bumpy ride here at Chez Chai.

WATCHING THE GOLDEN GIRLS :: ENTRY #1508

While I Have the Chance

I'm having a strange day.

Without going into TMI detail -- although I'll tell you where you can find it -- I have spent a good part of the day either scratching or sleeping. Whatever I've got here, it is damn annoying. The only thing I can be pretty sure of is that since I've had it to one degree or another for over six weeks, I'm not having a life-threatening allergic reaction to something. I really think that this year, the seasonal allergies are just taking themselves out on my skin.

I've been in a quandry over my physical state in general, mostly my weight loss and lack thereof, and certainly keeping a diary has helped me in a lot of ways, so I thought I'd start a little blog on the side, just about my eating and weight and other stuff. It's not private -- it's here -- but I don't know that anyone else would be interested in reading it. It seems to be good for me to be writing it.

Also, it gave me a chance to try Wordpress, which seems to be where half the dland folk are going, either there or here at Blogspot. I wanted to compare. So far, they both seem okay. I do wish there was a way to bring my dland archives over here to Blogspot, though; I haven't found a way and I don't plan to move my regular diary to Wordpress. Well, at least dland finally let me download a backup, so I have that.

That's my update, such as it is. Time to go put on more benadryl ointment.

watching VH1 :: entry #1483

Vacation, Day Two

I think the ink stain in the car is much better. I could do a commerical for the Tide Pens. I considered Captain Ron's idea of using hairspray, which I know would probably work, but since I can't throw the seat into the washing machine afterwards, like a piece of clothing, it would just stay sticky. My goal was to make the ink stain as light as the nearby coffee stain, and I think I've achieved that. Anyway, I picked up my car before, so R's is safely tucked away in the garage for tonight.

I have had yet another busy day, although not as physically demanding as yesterday. It wasn't nearly as hot as it was yesterday either, only in the mid 70s, which is plenty lovely, let me tell you, but not hot, which is what I dressed for this morning, so I had to change back into socks and full-length jeans at some point. Even so, I felt like a human being all cleaned up and such, going out today; even my hair came out nice. I do, however, have some sort of stomach bug, or possibly an IBS attack going on today. Fortunately for me, I had an appointment with a new gastroenterologist today -- a coincidence, this is the appointment I made weeks ago for the heartburn -- so off I went.

I like him very much. He meets my new criteria for a new doctor: he has to be old enough to be a real doctor, and he has to be younger than I am. He was very sweet, had a nice manner. He said that the treatment I'm on is the best available for what I've got, and to keep doing what I'm doing, and to be better about avoiding foods that trigger either the heartburn (I'm already better with that) and the reflux. As for that one ... well. What triggers the reflux? Turns out it is the fat in foods (among other triggers, which I guess I don't indulge in.) He thinks that my last attack, which was Easter night, was brought on by the cannoli I allowed myself for dessert. Swell. It's not enough that I avoid fat all the time in order to lose weight, but apparently, if I eat it, it will also make me sick. On the other hand, he said there's no reason to avoid any kind of food in fear of diverticulitis, as long as I eat enough fiber, which god knows I do. So I stopped on the way home and bought some macadamia nuts. Of course, I can only eat a few, but that's fine with me. (Hopefully, there isn't enough fat in three macadamia nuts to keep me up all night. Maybe I should eat them with lunch tomorrow.) Oh, and he gave me a prescription for when my stomach acts up, like today or with an IBS attack. And he said I have to have a colonoscopy every three years, so that's next March for me. That's the full report, folks, nothing more to see here.

I spent about an hour before trying to figure out how to pay the tuition for K's summer classes. When I finally found out the amount via the schools' goofy website, there was a stern warning: ALL FEES MUST BE PAID BY THE DEADLINE! Only, there was no deadline. None at all. The college does not take credit cards, but gives the name of an outside company that does so on their behalf. Yes, I know, that's how I pay the regular fall and spring tuition. (Hey, if you can get credit card points for going to college, why not?) But I couldn't log in to their site (even though I paid them that way all spring) and called them, and they said they don't take summer payments for the college. Grrrr. Well, I am off this week; I guess I'll head over there and pay them in person. Or ask K to do it, maybe.

Tomorrow's mission, after a brief return to basement world, will be my closet. Pack up sweaters. Eliminate as much as possible. Get ready for the last eight weeks of school, clothing wise, since the summer is pretty easy for me. I wear a variation of exactly the same thing every single day: jeans (or cropped jeans), a t-shirt (if it's cool) or a tank top, and a denim shirt over that. Seriously, I could put away every other item in my closet for the summer (although of course there is no other place for it all.) But as long as I can reach those few things, I'm okay. I'm actually down to the size Large pants every day now, which is good because that's the size last summer's cropped jeans are, too. (I must have put on 15 -20 pounds between last July and February, when I started the WW again.)

And ... epiphany!

Thinking about my denim shirts, I was just about to write that I have several, some going back years and years, and I wondered which is my oldest, and then ... BANG!

I know what to wear when I have to film my next scene for the school video. We all need to look like hippies from the 60s. And I have this:



My sister embroidered this shirt for me back ... well, back in the 60s. It's not worn out like most of my other denim shirts are because I never wanted it to get ruined, or to have to get rid of it. But it was right in my closet -- I just jumped up from the computer to get it, and take a picture of it for you -- at the very end, protected by cleaner's plastic. Which made me look for what I could wear under it -- closing it in front is no longer an option -- and I found a black Moody Blues tank top in my dresser. The tie-dyed Moodies t-shirt is in the basement someplace; I still need to look for it. But I am otherwise set. Ooh, I'm so excited that I remembered this shirt! It's so cool! And the colors are still as beautiful as the day she gave it to me.


watching Reba :: entry #1441

My Performing Debut

So the few scenes we filmed this morning went well and seemed amusing. Hopefully, I do not look like a weird-faced freak, but I am generally assured by people that this is not the case, and of course there's no way ever to know for myself (until I see the film, at least). If I can ever get a clip of it to show you my scene, I will, but I don't know if that's even possible. Anyway, it won't be made public until sometime in June.

In honor of my appearing on film ...

>

Monica: The camera adds ten pounds, you know.

Chandler: How many cameras were on you?

... I decided to wear the one-size-down jeans that I'd recently gotten in anticipation of a generous weight loss. I haven't lost a great deal more, but a little more, I think, and with the help of sturdy foundation garments, I appear today in size Large as opposed to size Extra-Large. This is what the WW people call a "NSV": non-scale victory. Anyway, I feel good, if a little claustrophobic.

It has been a full and noisy day in the library today. We've had several classes in the main room, as opposed to the separate computer-lab classroom, so it's been pretty much a wall of noise. At one point we had a class in the computer room and two in the main room. I am ready to go home and put my head down.

But I'm heading from here to The Container Store so I can get ... well, containers to re-pack some of the basement stuff, and then to the ShopRite to lay in supplies. It's the easiest way to do it. I know I'll have to go to some supermarket with K on Sunday, but that's okay. I've got nothing to have for lunch tomorrow, so I'd better go today.

And then to light some smelly candles and see what's what. Since I'll be posting from home, I'll finish this there before I do.

---

(As we see the hands of a clock spinning madly 'round ...)

Okay, so I'm home. I went to Office Depot instead of The Container Store, and got some stuff, and then the food. Along the way, I made a discovery.

Because the hearing aids don't work as they should and are being replaced, I haven't played around too much with the second and third programs that the audiologist put in. I have tried "crowd" mode a few times while walking through the cafeteria, but I wasn't impressed. It just seemed to make the crowd louder.

But I was out on the highway and couldn't hear my music playing, so in a what-the-hell moment, I flicked on crowd mode. The road noise became incredibly loud for maybe 30 seconds, and then faded out. I could still hear it, but it wasn't overpowering other sounds. Like the music. Oh, could I hear the music! It was wonderful! Everything sounded just like it should. And I didn't change back to normal mode until I got home, so I wasn't overwhelmed by all the noises in the stores, either. I guess you could call this a "NHV." (Non-hearing victory.)

I put everything away when I got home, and I have to tell you, have not gone downstairs to see what it's like today. I don't want to care. I don't think the Hubs has been down there either; he got home early for a Friday, around six, and is just catching up on his email, since he was out of the office all day. I did light a candle. Which turned out to be a good idea, because I made biscuits and burned them a little.

Somewhere in the course of my day, it occurred to me that if I made biscuits with reduced-fat Bisquick, and cut up some strawberries and put a dollop of fat-free Cool Whip on top, it would be like strawberry shortcake. Okay, not exactly like it, but a reasonable facsimile thereof. Okay, maybe not that reasonable, but hey, losing weight is the modus operandi of my life these days, so give me a break. There's nothing easier to cook/bake with than Bisquick, that staple of every junior high school cooking class, so putting them together wasn't a problem. I just couldn't see turning on the oven to make two measly little biscuits (one for me, one for K when she gets home from work), so I made them in the toaster oven. Which is a good plan if you live in a dorm or otherwise don't own an oven, but otherwise, not so much. Anyway, they're a little black on top but hopefully cooked inside. I can't eat it until the Cool Whip thaws, around nine.

Oh, I also got something at the store called "Smart Dogs", which is code for "hot dogs without any actual food product in them." I believe I have tried these before, and may I say, ick, but maybe not, and I've been in a hot dog mood lately. I don't even care about the calories or fat in one hot dog -- I can work that in somehow -- but it's the damn sodium. That stuff kills me, man. Whether the dogs are smart enough not to do that on their own remains to be seen.

So now I am technically "on vacation." It will be good not to be in that den of insanity for a week, anyway. Other than the basement, my big project was going to be changing my closet over, which for me means moving things around, since I have no place to put anything except in the closet. But I can put most of the sweaters away, and make the spring/summer stuff a little more accessible.

Oh, right, I forgot to tell you: it was a beautiful spring day today. Again, ho hum. No, it really was nice, and I left my jacket home and opened the windows when I got in from the shopping, so it really was good. I had the a/c on in the car. My little weather ticker tells me that it's 70 degrees, and will be 76 on Sunday. When I'll be working in the basement. Just can't get away from that one.


watching Reba :: entry #1437

Now, Mr. Benny?

[copied from dland]

As I mentioned in my tiny little post of a couple of hours ago, I have been getting nasty spam on my comments since last night, so I just set up a HaloScan thing and seem to have gotten it installed. It looks like it works, and I'm astonished that it went up so easily. For tonight, I'll keep the link to the dland comments there, but it's only taking comments from dlanders. I guess I'll take that out tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I went back today to see my new best friend, Dr. Gary The Audiologist, and here's the newest development. I told him that the problem that had been "repaired" when he sent the hearing aids back was fine for a few days after I picked them up, but had started acting up again on Friday, and was just awful all day Sunday. I had to reset the hearing aid (turn it off and on again) dozens of times. He sighed. He shook his head. He said he saw no point in sending it back again, since clearly, they didn't know what to fix. He said I should keep it for now, but that he would make a new mold of my ear -- which he did -- and tell the company that they had to build me a new one, from scratch.

YAY!

I didn't even have to complain or threaten or anything. He just said right out that for this much money, they'd better work, and he'd make sure that they did. In the meantime, he put in the two new programs, one for crowded situations and one for ... well. The setting is called "House of Worship," which is pretty funny, but it's the setting that will help me hear the speaker in an otherwise quiet auditorium, where the speaker is not close to me and the sound reverberates. Like when you're watching a play. Ahem.

My stress of the day today is mostly diet related, since I've gained two and half pounds since Friday, and then I saw an article that said diets don't work (a new "scientific" study) and that the most reliable predictor of who will gain wait in the future is whoever's on a diet now. Oh, swell. And I also had some nonsense with ordering stuff for the library, but I won't go into that.

I had my five classes in again today for the next stage of the Internet history project, though, and they were just great. Oh, there were a few stinkers here and there, but really, I enjoyed them very much. Although I have to tell you, teaching the identical lesson five times in one day? You could lose your mind. There are very, very few high school teachers who have one "prep" like that. A prep is a preparation; if you teach two classes of English 11 and three classes of English 12, you have two preps. Two is probably the best you can do because you don't have to say the same thing five times, but yet you only have to prepare two lessons for each day. Three is most common in my school, although four is not unheard of. My friend the Other Chai has had years where she has had five preps by her own choice, because she was happy to teach as many A.P. (Advanced Placement) classes as she could get, and there would be only one of each of them, so that was four, and then she would take one regular history class at any level they gave her. Anyway, I digress. I taught five classes today, one prep. By 8th period, even I didn't think my jokes were funny anymore.

Okay, now I just got a weird dland note. So the notes link is going, too. I never cared for that anyway; I have no idea why I've left it there all this time.

It looks like the prediction of snow for tomorrow has changed since Monday, and is now rain, or at worst, a "wintry mix." It'll be the first day I've worn real shoes in weeks.

Okay, time to figure out the points for one Kosher hot dog and a half a pastrami sandwich, no bread. (Just the Russian dressing. And I only ate half. Not that it makes any difference.)


watching America's next Top Model :: entry #1427

Pissy-Poo Day

[copied from dland]

So, my title pretty much says it all. I've had better days, although work was okay, other than I had to be there. I'm just bitchy, and K appeared to be bitchy during the extremely limited time I spent with her today (intentionally limited by me, in fact.) I won't regale you with all the tales of everything; I'll just hit the highlights.

Easter was fine yesterday. I ate way more than I wanted to, but pretty much exactly what I expected to. As to why I did this, I worked out the whole explanation for you all in my head on the ride home, which perhaps I will share in a few minutes or a few days. Let's see how it goes.

I weighed myself this morning. I gained two pounds since Friday. What. Ever. I'm not happy about that, but I'm not bummed about it either. It just is. I'd feel better if it didn't take me two weeks to lose a half pound, but hey, it's over, it's in the past. Moving on.

I am sick of it being this cold, and of not being able to dress for it. I dressed very warmly today. Wrong. It would seem that 33 degrees in mid-winter does not feel the same as 33 degrees in April. Must be the angle of the sun or something. So I was having one of those malaria days: hot, cold, hot, cold, rinse, repeat.

Speaking of which, I ate one of those Fiber One bars this morning. Seriously, I should be protected from those. This left me with euphemism an upset stomach all afternoon, but it did give me the opportunity to tell the principal that I wasn't feeling well and I was going home instead of to the faculty meeting. Which was almost true, because I had to stop at the supermarket on my way home. Because you know mothers will provide for the home even if they are bleeding out of their eyes. Let alone ... okay.

Tomorrow is K's birthday. It's the first one in her life that's not making her giddy with excitement. She LOVES her birthday, and this year, it's like she could care less. Which is not the case. This year, she feels like she's stuck in boring school and living at home with no friends and her life is on hold. I sympathize with her, but I do not wish her to take it out on me. A great deal of my conflict today stems from her birthday and her gift. She told me last night that her iPod is broken. (We knew it was dying.) Unfortunately, I have already bought her a camera that can only be returned for store credit. (Needless to say, to a store that does not also sell iPods.) She doesn't know about the camera, which she would like but doesn't need, and needs an iPod because it's integral to her everyday life, and as I've already said, she doesn't have a lot going for her life these days. Plus, she has a mother who is incapable of saying No. Raise your hand if you've already guessed that I'm putting the camera away for Christmas. She certainly had been an incredibly expensive kid to have this past month.

And .... now I'm letting go of that one.

Okay, next. When I was a kid, I had an aunt named Sarah. Without going into the complex relationships here, she was my great-aunt, married to my grandfather's brother. Grandpa and Uncle Joe were very, very close, and so we saw Uncle Joe and Aunt Sarah often, but never at their apartment in Brooklyn, always at our house in New Jersey or at their daughter's home in Long Island. Before I was old enough to know much, I knew that Aunt Sarah was not like other people. I rarely heard her speak, and probably had conversations with her no more than a few times in my life. She always seemed to be sitting quietly in a chair somewhere, although sometimes she would help her daughter in the kitchen. My grandmother would chatter away with her as if Aunt Sarah were responding as anyone would, although she rarely did. (They were best girlhood friends who had married a pair of brothers.)

For one thing, Aunt Sarah was not a looker, but she always had a vacant expression, as if she were looking off far away. A vacant smile. She did respond to her own grandchildren, but they were very exuberant little boys, and they overwhelmed her. (Although they were careful not to raise holy hell right where she was.) At some age, maybe six or seven, I learned Aunt Sarah's story (other than the story of their youth, how the two best friends married the popular brothers; I had always known that.) Aunt Sarah had suffered some kind of depression, later, I learned, a "nervous breakdown." (They don't use that expression anymore, but I don't know what's replaced it.) She went someplace for treatment, and they had used electric shock therapy on her. (This would have been in the late forties or early fifties.) And so from then on, she sat in a chair and looked vacant, and sometimes helped in the kitchen. And I steered clear of her, mostly because I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't afraid of her. There wasn't anything there to be afraid of.

For some reason, when I was 8 or 9, we actually trekked into Brooklyn to visit a whole mess of family that was there. It had been arranged that we would stop for lunch at Aunt Sarah's and Uncle Joe's. It was a hot summer day, I remember, and I couldn't imagine how she was going to give us lunch. My grandma helped her in the kitchen, and I was told to sit at the table, along with my sister and Uncle Joe. Aunt Sarah came in carrying bowls, and really, looked delighted to have us all in her home and eating a meal that she served. (She had been a famous cook in her day.) And she set before me a bowl of strawberries and sour cream.

Now, anything and sour cream is an Eastern European thing whether you're Jewish or Polish or, I think, Austrian. I had no problem with the sour cream. But I Did.Not.Eat.Strawberries.

I was a known picky eater, and strawberries had those ... things in them! The seeds! I could not bear to eat anything with seeds or pieces in it. I still don't like it, but I'm not four years old anymore, so it's not a problem. I've never, for example, eaten brownies with nuts in them. Ick.

So, dilemma. Aunt Sarah gave me strawberries to eat. And without a blink -- but with a grimace or two -- I ate them. I knew better than to hurt this poor woman's feelings. And this is how children learn compassion. This is how children learn to suck up their pickiness for someone else's well-being. My mother didn't have to tell me to eat it, or even throw me a look. She had already taught me that I was not the center of the universe, and that there's no reason to hurt a harmless, helpless old lady.

The moral of the story is that I now love strawberries. Just kidding; I do love strawberries (thank you, Aunt Sarah) but that's not the moral of the story. The moral is that yesterday I ate the Roast Crown of Pork, and the mashed potatoes, and the icky vegetables swimming in God knows what, and the antipasto, and the pizza'gain, and a cannoli. What would have been the point in saying to my mother-in-law, Oh, I'm on weight watchers and I can't eat a single thing you're serving today? Which is worth at least two pounds of peace of mind to me, knowing I didn't senselessly hurt someone's feelings.

Here ya go.



That's Passover, 1956. Sam and Ida (my grandparents), Sarah and Joe. (That Joe was a charmer, with twinkly Paul Newman-colored eyes. Remember, neither of the brothers was taller than 5'2".)

and



1965, Sarah and Joe with their grandson Peter at his Bar Mitzvah. She passed away about a year after this picture was taken; Joe lived on to 92, and only missed my wedding by a few months. Peter is my cousin who died of cancer at 55, a year ago last week.


watching Still Standing :: entry #1424

Brain Dump

[copied from dland]

Just a bunch of random shit today, some serious, some not so much.

Request: If you know, personally, any individual ever who has contracted a venereal disease from a toilet seat, I want you to comment me right now and tell me who it was. I'm just checking.

A bit more on movies. Catsoul (who should send me a password, please, oldewoman AT gmail.com) asked if I had seen the Lake House -- I haven't -- and mentioned seeing Romeo and Juliet in the theatre. As did I. I was in the eleventh grade, so that's 16 or 17, 1969-70, and a friend and I went into the city to see it as it hadn't come out to the 'burbs yet. It was in this relatively high-class theatre right next to the Plaza Hotel. The entire audience was teenage girls, all dressed up for our first legitimate view of A BOY'S BEHIND. Which we saw, and were amazed, but I digress. What I remember most about seeing R & J that day is that when something happened that would make you sigh, every single girl in the theatre sighed in complete unison, like it was just one single heart breaking. The first time it happened, it was followed by a nervous giggle, in unison, so it was strange while we were doing it, but for the rest of the movie we just sighed and wept as one and let it go. And I love that movie as well, to this very day, and the swelling of the music gets to me, too.

I have officially lost 11.2 pounds! I am so psyched. I rewarded myself with a latte -- decaf skim -- and ... drumroll, please .... jeans. Jeans a size smaller. I bought a new pair.

Last night I took out my size L jeans (as opposed to the XL I've been wearing for a while) and tried them on this morning. Two pair are ripped at the knee; why did I keep those? Two pair are Old Navy; I had stopped wearing those even when they fit, because I didn't like the cut. Why did I keep those? The last two were the right size, but the length was Ankle, as opposed Regular, which I wear now. So they would show too much sock over my crocs, and that's just tacky. Plus, they were also very worn. Why am I keeping those? So I bought one new pair. I don't know if I can wear them just yet, but they're an incentive for now. Maybe next week.

Ooh, more movies. (I just read boxx's answers.) I saw A Hard Day's Night at a drive-in, too, and I also endured Clifford with K and a little friend. Did I have those last two questions? I don't remember them. My favorite foreign film is the original La Cage Aux Folles. My favorite documentary ... hmmm, not sure on that one. And cosmic, I cried at ET too! I love that movie!

I was going to go into something serious, but I guess I'll save it for another day. Doesn't seem to fit.

Good weekend, all.

WATCHING BILL MAHER ON DVR :: ENTRY #1411

Memory Not So Much Serving

[copied from dland]

I forgot to tell you part of the story last night.

So, K says, after we're in the house and I'm all cleaned up, she says "You know, you probably tripped on your crocs."

Well, I suppose this is a possibility, but one I'm going to ignore because I'm going to wear crocs every day of my life from now on unless it's snowing or raining or I have to go to a wedding. I told her that it was probably because of my bad balance, and that I often feel like I'm about to fall when I'm just walking, and really, it's amazing that I don't fall more than I do. Which is all true.

But I think, not why I tripped on the front steps last night. Here's why I tripped. I didn't want to tell her.

I think it was because I couldn't see clearly. About twenty minutes before we'd left the house -- before we'd even decided to go get Wendy's -- I put some ointment in my eye. Ointment in my eye is a real good thing/bad thing to do. About 90% of the time, it resolves the pain and dryness in my eye instantly. But it also creates the illusion that I've just smeared vaseline over the right lens of my glasses. Sometimes this effect is more pronounced than other times; sometimes it's harder or easier to deal with. Last night the ointment settled in a particular part of my eye that seemed to make it affect my depth perception.

Yes. And then I went out and drove a car.

Now, I drive like this all the time. I try to avoid it; for example, if I need it in the morning, I try to wait until I get to school to put it in. I did that today. (And then it turned out I had to go run an errand in my car during first period.) Most of the time, it just makes my eye blurry for things close up, which makes reading and using the computer problematic. Driving is rarely a problem, because everything I need to see is outside of the blurry range. But last night, on my way to Wendy's, I realized that I wasn't able to judge accurately how far away a car was that was coming in my direction. I don't mean cars right near me; I was turning right onto a street and there were cars coming from my left from what seemed to be very far away, but I couldn't really tell how close they were, so I waited for all of them to pass before I turned. Like that.

I think that when I got home, my faulty depth perception caused me to put my foot down in the wrong place on the step, which is what made me fall. Maybe it was the crocs. Maybe it's the age. (Just kidding.) But I think it was my eyes.

So in the name of full disclosure, there you are.

In other news, this is the second Thursday in a row that I woke up convinced that it was Friday, and I can't shake it all day. Once again, I turned off my alarm for the weekend after it went off, and then had to turn it back on for tomorrow. At school, I kept asking the SCM about a certain class coming in, according to my schedule, and each class I asked him about, he had to say No, that's tomorrow. It's Thursday. Every time I remember that I still have to come to work tomorrow, I feel sad.

I'm walking in the morning and listening to the podcasts, which I'm enjoying. So far, I've been listening to Podictionary, which is about word origins, and Grammar Girl, which is about ... duh; thank you to bluesleepy, who suggested Grammar Girl. It's very nice; I walk for 15 to 20 minutes and that's a good minimum goal to strive for, I think. The scale is inching down veeeerrryyy slllllooooooowwwwlllyyyy, but at least it's moving in the right direction. With a little luck and fingers crossed, I may reach my first ten-pounds-lost goal this weekend.

Speaking of which, I am in a jeans quandary. As I've said before, I have jeans in four sizes, which I call small, medium, large, and extra-large. (The actual sizes have numbers, which I am not disclosing.) I am never buying a size larger than the extra-large, which is what I'm wearing now and what I've been wearing since last summer. (I had to buy new ones then, because I had gotten rid of all my extra-large jeans when I lost the weight four years ago.) Now, I do not ever expect to wear the small jeans again; that size was ridiculous, and I'm sure I will never see that low a weight again. But here's my quandary.

I originally had to jump into the extra-large when I gained the weight before I started WW the first time, four years ago, and then as I lost, I kept moving down sizes. That original high weight was ten pounds less than I weigh now, so, 20 pounds less than what I weighed in January, before I started WW again. I'm still wearing the XL, but they're starting to feel loose on me. Not on the waist, where I will probably carry all my weight for as long as I live, but everywhere else, they're a little baggy. But how can I go down a size when I still weigh more than I did when I moved up to this size? I think the L ones would fit, although they'd be as snug around the waist as the XLs were for a long time. (And still are, a little bit.) Oy.

You know what I'd like to do? Re-boot my body and start over. Can I do that?

Turns out that there is a little problem with the hearing aid that the audiologist is looking into, but until there's a cure, the easy fix is to turn it off and essentially re-boot it. Perhaps a dozen times a day. It's really not a big deal, since I don't even have to take it out and it takes all of ten seconds to do it, but it is odd.

Our new library is at the end of a long hallway that is otherwise populated by science classes. The two classrooms closest to us are English/Social Studies, but the rest of them are science. Off and on for the last week, the biology teachers have been doing some experiment which required the kids to run up and down the hall as fast as they can. (Then, presumably, they go back into their classroom and measure something or other, blood pressure, perhaps.) What this means for us is intermittent pounding, like a herd of wildebeests approaching, and the occasional sweetie pie who thinks it's appropriate to end his run by grabbing the top of the library doorway and swinging in, like Tarzan.

At one point today, I stood in the hallway about three feet in front of the library door, just to see if they would stop and turn around farther back, and they did, of course. No one wants to run down an old lady.

Just before the end of the second to last period of the day, I heard the pounding and turned towards the door; I think I'd finally had it and was going to get up and say something, but it was the English teacher, who started to laugh and laugh when she saw my face! And so I did too, of course. She had just pounded down about ten feet from her classroom door, just to see what I would do. It was pretty funny, actually; the noise has been bothering her too all this time, and some of her kids have been doing quiet reading, either in her room or in the library, but it hasn't been very quiet for them.

Well, it's just after 5.00 now, and K should be home from work any minute. She worked a double shift today, so that's a long day on her feet. We've been very good about not eating out this week -- well, I have; she had the infamous Wendy's last night -- so maybe it's a good night for it. I haven't had any fish this week yet, so it's time for that, too. It's either that or Night #3 for the Shepard's Pie, and that's pushing it, even for me.

WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1409

It Bears Repeating

[copied from dland]

That my children are very nice people. Not that K isn't being a sweetie pie today, but it's R I want to kiss and hug, and not just because it's her birthday.

Last night, when she and her roommate decided not to drive to Atlantic City in the storm, she said they would just spend the day catching up on TV they'd missed recently, and maybe go out somewhere at night if they felt like it. I suggested that they go to the nice Irish pub that's just a few blocks away from them, and she said maybe they would.

K, meantime, is home and without friends or anything to do. I thought, I guess it really would be too pushy of me to call R and suggest that she include K and have her stay overnight there, so I didn't call. If your mother tells you to do it, how much fun could that be?

But when I got back from ShopRite this morning, R had called and invited K to do exactly that. I am so, so happy. So happy that later on I'm even going to drive K over there, since R was coming over tomorrow anyway, and this way they'll only have one car to worry about, and not have to come back in two. And I get to kiss and hug the birthday girl on her actual birthday.

(26 years ago this minute: the baby was about 7 minutes old, labor was finally over -- so I thought, I forgot about that pesky placenta thing -- but I'd had a spinal so I was feeling no pain and just marveling at this amazing little face I was gazing down at.)

In the Celebrate With Me department, I do appear to have lost two pounds this week. After the scale barely moving (and sometimes the wrong way) for the last three weeks, this is excellent news for me. Hopefully, I'm in the groove now and I'll keep on going. Let's see, if I could lose a pound a week, I'd hit my goal ... in about October. That's not terribly likely, but it's something to shoot for. I'm thinking maybe another tattoo as a present for me when I reach my goal; all I've got to do now is decide on what I really really want and where. It's not like I don't have time.

My bingeing lately has been on crocs. I ordered a pair of open-toed crocs online, since I can't seem to wear flip-flops and sometimes you just need to wear that kind of shoe. Then I saw brown regular crocs at Nordstrom and had to have those. (You realize that these are real shoes, sort of, that cost less than $30 a pair.) But then I really hit it big when I found the elusive Disney crocs online! Disney crocs, how cool is that? I'll post of picture when I get them. They'll probably be the only shoes I ever wear once I have them. (Although the brown and navy crocs, the old ones, will be getting a workout, too.)

Speaking of, I want to wear crocs everyday. Not so easy when you're up to your ankles in snow. Lots and lots of snow out there, folks. And spring only a few days away, technically. This has been a very annoying winter in many ways, and I think to many people. It's crocs time, time to put away sweaters and jackets and all that and wear comfortable clothess. Enough, thank you.

I did get my corned beef this morning, a low sodium one for whatever good that will do. I guess I'll use some of backup points tomorrow.

Okay, I'm off to do an errand or two and then drop K off at R's.


WATCHING HP AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE :: ENTRY #1404

Good to be Home

[copied from dland]

MWAH! I love you all, and it feels so good to be back home with you where I belong.

Perhaps I should explain.

I had a bad day on the W8 Watching message boards. How fucked up is that? I posted a question early this afternoon -- things were slow in the library -- and within a half hour, I had about a dozen replies, all telling me how terrible I was and not following the plan and why was I even there if I wasn't going to follow the plan and how I should do everything just the way they all do it and ... okay, you got the picture.

Feeling like an idiot, I posted a reply to clarify things a little bit. And they came back with more, more about how just awful I was for not wanting to do things the right way. I should have stopped there, but I tried to clear things up again -- I was home by this time -- and it went on.

By this time, I was very upset, which is also stupid of me, but I couldn't believe that what I was writing just wasn't making sense to these people. It was as if I was writing in another language, one unheard of on this planet. I mean, I realize that I was using semi-colons and other linguistic type stuff previously unknown on the WW message boards, but honestly. And the whole time, I'm thinking: Who are these people? My buddies all understand me when I write!

By this time, K was home and advised me to put it behind me and let it go. I told her what I originally wrote and she said I should never try to be funny or light-hearted on message boards. Oh. What the hell do I know? I generally only write for you guys.

Anyway, it's a freakin' jungle over there. My final response (after K told me to let it go) was yet a third apology, and also a request for no further replies, which no one who reads me here has ever failed to respect. I didn't go read the replies when I got back from the audiologist, but I checked, and there were about five more after mine.

Animals.

Enough of that shit. I'm just glad to be back here where I belong, among humans who know how to write, and read, which apparently they don't seem to be able to do.

Anyway, I got a couple of things done after school (in amongst the angst) and then I had the audiologist at 6:30. He was delighted that I went in with a page-long bulleted list of all my hearing aid concerns; he said he wished everyone were that OCD organized. So he made a bunch of adjustments and they do seem better right away, although I still have to live with them for the next week and work with the volume controls to see how good they are. But my own voice has a much more normal quality, and I'm having a lot less trouble hearing K's continuous occasional comments about America's Next Top Model. At the moment, in fact, the aids are not bothering me at all in any way.

Oh, I just got another lovely comment (this one from the locked boxx) about my picture yesterday, and again, you are all The Finest Kind. I wasn't fishing for compliments, though, mostly I was just sharing with you all how cool it is to have self-esteem for a change. Boxx commented, btw, that I look Italian, and I have been told this for most of my life, although I am Italian in last name only, as the Hubs is Italian/Irish. (Which no one believes because he appears in most ways to be 100% Italian.) The funny thing is that my first name, which you know I rarely share because it's a) uncommon and b) I hate it, is actually not an uncommon Italian name. When I married the Hubs, my mother said "Oh, that must be why I gave you that name, because I knew that one day you'd have a last name to match it." And I pointed out to her that when I was born (1953) the typical Jewish mother's reaction to a daughter marrying a nice Italian boy would have been to put her head in the oven. Which was true for 1953, and not so far off the mark when my cousin married a not-Jewish guy in 1966, but not any kind of deal, big or small, for my parents and family by the time 1977 rolled around for me. (And not for the Hubs' family either, fortunately.)

Once again, I have been very good with my eating today and even took a nice long walk around the school corridors at one point this morning, so it's time to have a bit of a snack since I have more than enough points left to eat. And my two-week headache, which is mostly dull and just there, is rising some, so I think I need to eat something. Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Love,
p. chai


WATCHING TOP MODEL :: ENTRY #1401

Weird

[copied from dland]

I still can't get Gmail to load, which sucks, but surprisingly I was still logged into Google, and got into my Google documents through the home search page. Strange. I don't like not being able to get my email, but I guess it'll come back at some point. It worked at school all day.

Anyway, here's what I wrote at school earlier today:

MY PANTS ARE LOOSE.

I'm not saying I've dropped a size or anything, but my XL pants are just a skooch loose here and there. I haven't lost a pound in three weeks, but I guess something's happening, eh? Well, that's good.

I'm totally dragging today because I could not fall asleep last night. Or maybe I was asleep but I felt like I was awake. No, I'm pretty sure I was awake, because I kept getting out of bed and eating. I do not do that in my sleep. So maybe I slept for three hours, if that. I can't even keep my eyes open.

It's quieter day at school. Yesterday's minor budget triumph turned out to be a mistake on the part of the new secretary, so that money's not there and we're not getting stuff with it. We can order it as soon as next year's budget opens up in June or July, but still. The Board just took back tons of our budgeted funds this year because we didn't spend it before the deadline, which, btw, they neglected to share with anyone. Nice.

Well, folks, here I am.

I couldn't get anything at home last night, and so I figured I'd wait til I was all put together this morning and bring in my camera and ask the SCM to take the picture. My problem with pictures -- with myself in pictures, that is -- is not my weird eye, because that comes out okay; it's that my smile is very strange because only one side of my mouth moves. When you're looking at me in person it's not a big deal because I'm moving, but when the camera captures and freezes me, I look very distorted. But the angle of this picture seems to have taken care of that.

See all my pretty gray? And my cool eyeshadow? I didn't attempt the eyeliner this morning, though, but the rest of the make-up is there.

Let me tell you about my space there in the new library. Behind my head, at a kind of 2:00 position, is my Thomas Jefferson bobble-head. Right behind him is a picture I used in my recent display about World War II; it's my parents in about 1942, so I'm keeping it there. Now, you may notice that I'm wearing an ID badge, which we all are wearing now. Here's a better shot of it:

If you can see the picture on the card, that's what I generally think I look like, and for the last many years. I guess I took this picture after I lost the weight four years ago. I loved this haircut, too. I got a good picture because, as the taker of the ID card pictures, I got to sit there and take as many as I wanted to -- maybe I took 30 -- until I got one I could live with. But anyway, this is basically my self-image. Time to start seeing myself in a new way.

It is not nearly the beautiful day they said it would be. It is 42 degrees, but it was supposed to be in the 50s, and in the 60s for the next two days. But it's very overcast today, so maybe that's keeping the temp down a little. It's still way better than the cold we've had recently, don't get me wrong. But I'd really like to see some sun out there.

The new bag I'm using to day is so far working out pretty well, except for the damn paisley. Needs tweaking.

Nails after school today, and then, if I can keep my head up, a few errands here and there. I don't think I'll make it to Target and the toilet paper on sale, maybe later in the week. I don't even want to go to a supermarket, although I may not be able to avoid that. I need some bottled water and a few other things. Ooh, maybe the discount beauty supply/drugstore place. (Harmon, if you're local.) They might have it all.

So far, I'm pretty disoriented by the time thing, as I always am the first week at work afterwards. It's probably why I didn't sleep, among other things. Oh, since I wasn't sleeping, I watched that new show last night, The Riches. First, let me say I totally heart Eddie Izzard, hubba hubba. I never thought of him that way before, you know, when I saw him wearing dresses. Huh. But he looks great in this, and is great, and it is a very different and interesting show. I'm not a Minnie Driver fan, but I thought she was excellent as well, as were the kids and other supporting people. Worth watching, I thought.

---

Home. You know, where the Gmail won't load.

I got my nails done and it was very quiet there at first, no other customers, and I let my eyes close between changing my hands back and forth on the table, and then a woman came in whom I kind of know, and she sat down next to me and DID NOT STOP TALKING FOR A DAMN MINUTE. It was a nightmare. I was soooooo tired, and could barely focus on the conversation, which was pretty much all on her side anyway.

I had gone to CVS before nails, and couldn't get everything I wanted, so I went to Eckerd after, which in this town is a very crummy and not-nice store. They did have the hair conditioner I was looking for, though.

I managed not to fall asleep at home; first I talked to the Sibs for a while and then I really cleaned out the refrigerator and packed up the rest of the tuna casserole into freezer bags and had a frozen meal for dinner. I have eaten excellently today; no snacks at all. Yet. I did just eat a prune, though; remind me not to do that again.

Fearing Gmail and all it stands for, I also just printed out my list of hearing aid problems, also being kept for the last week in Google documents. I'm going to the audiologist tomorrow at 6:30, so keep your fingers crossed that I come out better than I'm going in. I really do think he can do a lot better for me. It's a process with new hearing aids; it always is and I know it. But I want them to work NOW. Is that too much to ask?

I need cheese.


WATCHING RAYMOND :: ENTRY #1400

No title today

[copied from dland]

Less emotionally battered today, but not a bit more energetic or motivated. I'm actually typing my entry directly into the dland New Entry screen, which I never, ever, ever do, so it just goes to show you that I'm too lazy to click on my HTML writing program to open it up.

Yesterday, I was incredibly good about the WW and I even got an exercise point. Yet this morning, I had gained a pound. So the honeymoon is over, and now I will never lose weight again. Swell.

Why is Lost on so late? I mean, really. It is Wednesday, isn't it? Why is Lost on so late?

Okay, so I'm not in the clearest of head modes this evening, as things go. I just ate a Lean Cuisine frozen pizza -- only 6 points -- and now I could go right to sleep. But not. R is likely to call any second, as she often does when walking home from the train, so I have to keep at least one wit about me.

School was just meh today. No cataclysmic conflicts, just more of the same shit and I'm deciding not to care. We'll see how long that lasts. Why have our two most recent vice-principals been such self-centered dicks? (Both women, btw.) I do not know. I wish they would stop trying to make their marks somewhere by sucking the resources out of the library. Oh, right, I don't care anymore. I forgot.

I'm going to eat a 100 calorie pack of Hostess cupcakes now. Still under target, just so you know.


WATCHING REBA :: ENTRY #1388

Okay, Here I Am

[copied from dland]

I'm not sick and not particularly busy, but I kinda just forgot to post until someone reminded me. (Someone locked, no link, sorry!) I'm cold now, too, so it's a quick one so I can change and burrow under the blankets ASAP.

It was no kind of day, a little more aggravation with the library secretary, but that's about it. K and I went out to Applebee's for dinner and I had a good WW meal, but then I had dessert, and it was good, dammit. I'll record my first official weight tomorrow morning. As of this morning, I'd lost about 6.5 pounds since I started, which was ... nine days ago? It sounds like a lot because it is a lot, but I know I'm going to stop that pace any minute now. Probably now. That dessert (bread pudding with caramel sauce and vanilla ice cream) put something back on. Whatever, tomorrow will tell.

I'm actually on vacation now, although it doesn't really feel like it at all. I guess when my alarm doesn't go off Monday morning it'll feel like vacation. No big plans. I hope it doesn't snow or anything. Actually, it's supposed to be 41 tomorrow, which would be nice. I'm getting a haircut, more like a hair trim. I'm wearing my hair longer than I have in years and I love it, but it needs a little bit of shaping, I think.

My eyes were bad again most of the day, but are a bit better now, since I put the ointment in. It's like seeing the world through a smeared-over window.

I slept better last night, but I could fall asleep right now, wake up for Bill Maher at 11, and then go right back to sleep. Or watch Bill tomorrow. We'll see.

This was my big project of the day. I had this teaching unit a few years ago that my friend E would let me do with her classes, but no one's been interested in it since she retired until now. So I was updating the files, getting the materials together. If I can figure out how, I'll post my sample file for you over the weekend. It's a fun unit. The idea is that each of us is connected to the world in many ways, you just have to think of how and then show it. The project is called "I'm History!" (E gave it that name.) I actually used this unit as my final project when I got my master's in education a few years ago. (Seven years ago! Doesn't seem that long.) Anyway, the idea is for each kid to create a three-page website that is autobiographical, and to show by linking various words in their writing to outside websites how they are connected to history, geography, etc. (It's a critical thinking exercise, for those of you into teacher-jargon.) Anyway, I think it's fun, and some kids would really get into it. My sample is totally made up, although I based the second page on my father, so if you've been around here awhile, you'll recognize him. I used his first name, Jack, but absolutely all the other names and facts are made up, except for an anecdote or two on Jack's page.

Oh okay, here it is.

Jammie time.


WATCHING RAYMOND :: ENTRY #1378