It's. All. Over.

(You have to read the title in Howard Cosell's voice. You know.)

So. The play's final performance has taken place. It was their best, or close to it. The audience loved it, and responded well, and the kids were just terrific. As with each performance, everybody complimented R and talked about it and her, and it was really quite an experience. Several of her college friends were there tonight, and an old high school drama buddy, and of course, her grandparents.

Oh .... yes. They were there. My in-laws. Which is the essence of tonight's entry. And I don't even know where to begin.

Let me say, then, that I believe that I am a compassionate person. I am, I know I am. And let me say that things have begun to take a downward turn with them, and my husband (and maybe his sister too, for all I know) have no fucking clue. It's possible that I can see what's coming because I went through it with my parents. And here's the thing: I am not doing that again.

Okay. My father-in-law is now, I guess, officially handicapped. Whether he's medically designated as that -- he has the tag in his car -- I don't know, but let me tell you, he is handicapped, and his presence handicaps others, particularly his wife. She is his slave, just as my father became my mother's slave. I'm not seeing anything good here.

The FIL is a very big man, and his health problems are all orthopedic, although she hinted tonight at his becoming difficult and argumentative, which is the official Big Bad Sign; he's always been an extremely laid back guy. Used to being in charge, but laid back and relaxed. He can hardly walk, although he can walk, at least a little. Tonight we saw him use his scooter for the first time, and I believe the best word for the situation, and one of my favorites, is clusterfuck. It was such a HUUUUGE project for him to get out of the car, work his way back to the trunk, and then operate the little crane that lifts the thing out. Quite a complicated procedure; I would have thought it was more automated. And of course, it was pouring when we left after the play, and he couldn't see what buttons to push, and it took forever and the winch didn't work, and he finally got it back in the car after we were all drenched.

Anyway, we had no time to shmooze with people in the lobby before the show because we had to get him in through a back door to the stage and into place. Okay. During intermission, the MIL and I went out to the car to get his seat cushion. After the play, we waited for everyone to leave so the stage was clear, and then went out through the back door. I didn't get to see any of the kids after the show and tell them how wonderful it was, and I must say, I was a bit disappointed there. But because of the FIL's issues -- and I'm not talking about the scooter or the difficulty walking -- when he's there, everything surrounds him, and is about him. It's just the way he is. He's very soft spoken and never gives direct orders to anyone, but he is the boss and it's all about him. His biggest issue?

He's old. He was 79 a couple of weeks ago, but it's not the number. It's that he's slowing down and he's losing it. He's been slowing down for a while, but that happens. Personality changes are a really bad sign. And I have no idea how he has managed not to fall. He looks like he's about to fall with every step he takes. And when that happens, it's really gonna suck.

And the MIL. You'll remember that this is where my husband gets his martyr genes from. Whatever it is, she'll take it, she'll do it. She's a stoic and she's strong. Up to a point, eh?

They do not show emotion, these martyrs. Oh, she'll show happy emotions, which is more than her son is willing to do most of the time, but that's another issue. She cannot show weakness. And if she does ... she indicated tonight that the FIL has become cranky, corrects her, yells at her ... it was a 20 second conversation, and it made her cry. She cannot discuss sadness. She either changes the subject or cries, which changes the subject.

Oy.

So. They are officially old. The worst is yet to come. This is going to be a problem in a family that cannot deal with sadness.

I have known that sadness, and I not only dealt with it, my sister and I were immersed in it for years. We breathed it, ate it, slept with it. It took over our lives while we were trying to raise our children and live our lives. It was depleting, and devastating.

I am not doing that again. I am not.

watching The History Channel :: entry #1463

And Then I Lost It

(second entry of the day, the links are over there >>>)

So after I posted my last entry and ate a salad like someone was chasing me for the shredded cheese bits, I said yes to this weeks updates from the fine people at the Fruit Computer Company, la la la la la la, and then K left early for the play because she had to stop someplace and then IT HAPPENED.

There.Was.No.Internet.

and you know .... gotta have the damn Internet.

I checked my settings, and according to Maxx the Mac, there was no network to be had. Now folks, I had just downloaded all the updates, so I knew there was a network. I looked over at the modem and all the lights were on.

So I tried one thing and then another and probably changed a million settings and no dice, and then it was time to go to the play.

Well. And well. R was totally flabbergasted when her California cousin walked up to her and gave her a big hug. The Sibs and her whole family did indeed make it, and they really liked it and couldn't get over that R had written this. Not to mention that two of her dearest friends, a couple, just came in from South Carolina today, so they were there, and her oldest childhood friend, who lives in Colorado, was, sadly, able to come to see the play because her grandmother passed away over the weekend so she was unexpectedly in town, and another of their best kid buddies was there, and his mother, so it was majorly old home week. And those little actors on the stage, they acted their hearts out tonight and were excellent.

So when I saw K at school, she said she'd been having network problems before she left. And I asked the Hubs when I got home, and he said that he'd had to reset the router and then everything was fine. But he was amused. I have a Mac. Aren'f they supposed to heueristically heal themselves, he wanted to know, like Data? But before I could try and see, I discovered this evening's festival of cat poo, so I have only just now sat down after running up and down with the laundry (towels on everything, man, it's the only way to go when you're living with an elderly feline, or maybe an elderly person, I probably shouldn't complain), but, ahhhh. And since I'm talking to you, you can see that yes, Maxx had heueristically healed himself, like Data.

I need to cool off and go to sleep. And probably eat stuff first, because I do that.

Okay.

Watching the news :: entry #1462

Tumbling Along

I posted an entry at dland last night, here, but you probably didn't see it because I posted and then went to sleep, more or less, and only checked to see if it was really there when I got home from school just before, and it wasn't. It is now, and I think, my last one there for a while, until things improve a bit. Let me know.

I am reeeaaally tired. I fell asleep twice at work today. Both times, I went into the library office and put my head down for ten minutes because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. At the moment, I have about two hours before K and I are meeting the Chum for dinner, and I'm going to post this and lay down on the couch.

The play was actually better last night than the first night; I guess the actors pretty much found their rythm. Everybody laughed a lot. Very cool.

Okay, I just wanted to post before I collapse and then get up and go out. I'll try to get some actual information into a post in the near future.

watching Dr. Phil :: entry #1460

Still Trying

(moved over from dland)

Tuesday, a little after 11. Not even remotely sleepy, I'm replaying tonight's Idol results show, but not paying much attention. The play was excellent tonight; the kids -- the actors -- really hit their stride and were a scream.

Had some tense moments, although nothing bad actually happened. My daughter's high school ex showed up, something we've been anxious about, but magically, there were enough people there to surround her and keep him away from her. One in particular, another friend of thiers from high school whom we hadn't seen in years, just showed up to watch the play and immediately made it his job to keep the ex in conversation and away from my kid. Like an angel, we needed him and he was just there. And other fine folk stepped up, too, to keep an eye on things. And now she's safe at home, she's called me from her locked-in apartment, so I could, in theory, go to sleep.

But I'm wiiiiiide awake. And my alarm is going off in ... let's see, six hours. And I'm not even horizontal yet.

O.Kay.

watching Idol :: entry #1459

Today's Burning Question

So, how was the play?

It was good. It was very good. It was funny, and beautifully directed and well-acted, and it was an amazing experience to hear, essentially, your child's voice coming out as the words of actors. She threw in a few inside family jokes here and there, which K and I enjoyed immensely. It was great.

Leaving for performance #2 in ... about an hour and a half.

I am totally wiped out. I got home around 10.30, but didn't get to sleep until nearly 12.30. I was just wide awake. I hope I can do better tonight (and tomorrow night), but at least now I know what I want for Mother's Day: I want to crash. I want to lie here like a lump and do nothing at all. If I feel like, I'll put in a wash. But that's it.

In other news, I finally pre-ordered our Harry Potters today. I have no idea what took me so long, but at least the store hasn't got its act together 100% yet, so they haven't been giving out numbers or anything, so I guess we haven't missed anything or won't be too far back on a line because we didn't order them the first day.

I had an interesting day in Hearing Aids World. You know, they replaced my new ones, rebuilt them from scratch, actually, but they're still not good. They're well programmed for my hearing, all that is good, but for some reason, the one of them (the one that's actually a hearing aid and not just a microphone/transmitter) randomly changes, just mutes itself a little bit from time to time with no warning or reason that anyone can see. It's very frustrating. If I turn it off (which I usually do by opening and closing the battery door), it resets itself and works fine until next time, which could be in an hour or could be in a minute. Anyway, not a good thing, and I was going to the audiologist today and I was afraid that this would be it, the moment he turned and became not the nicest person in the world, but would be all "Well, that's the best we can do."

Instead, he said "That's not acceptable. And your warranty won't even start until we make these work. And we will make these work." He really is an amazingly good guy. He says he's going to be on the phone tomorrow morning, not with customer service, as usual, but with their tech support department, and he'll call me at school and hopefully tell me I can come over right after school and he'll know what to do to fix them. The really cool thing is that he doesn't even work in this office on Thursdays, but he was going to to finish up some things, and now he's devoting a big chunk of his day to me and my problem. Oh, the other really sweet thing he did was that when he first walked into the room and saw me sitting there, he said, "So, how was the play?"

What else can I tell you? I am already so behind on this week's TV! I think if I can't fall asleep tonight when I get home, I'll put on last night's Idol, or maybe just skip a step and put on tonight's Idol, since I'll read all over the place tomorrow who got voted off; it won't exactly be a surprise. And they always show performance clips on the results show anyway. Yeah, that's a good idea. And hope that I fall asleep before it's over.

Blogarithm does kind of work, it turns out. I sent them an email that said I never get the emails they're supposed to send me, and now I get them. It would be nice if I could get the updates a few times a day, since mostly I already knew about the updates they're sending me via other channels, but it's a work in progress. I also read about something today called pageflakes.com, so I'm looking into that too, and blogrolling. So that's my Mother's Day present, tinkering with bloggy stuff.

Maybe I can catch an hour's nap here ..

watching Still Standing :: entry #006/1458

Okay. Just .... AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Ahem. I am in a controlled state of frenzy, moving backwards at warp speed.

I shall explain.

In two and a half hours, give or take, the world stage debut of R's play will begin. I am so excited, I could just plotz. The frenzy is all play-related happy frenzy, and although part of me really really really really wants a Parliament menthol light, purely for deep breathing purposes, I'm not going there. Emergency smoking is for bad times like when the basement is flooded. No need for smokes now.

But the deep breathing would probably be a good idea.

Okay, here's the recap.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON I talked to in school today asked me "So, are you excited?"

Why, yes. Yes, I am. Thank you for asking.

K subbed today, and looked, let me say, about a million times more professional than her denim covered mother, and joined me and my lunch crew for a while, and that was fun. But work felt, on the one hand, like so much time-killing until tonight's main event, although I was actually fairly busy, and did a lot of walking around the building for one reason or another. There was another small clusterfuck over a few drama queens getting it into their heads that someone was changing the words to the Alma Mater (i.e., the school song, established in 1943), but that passed over and was just a blip in the day.

Oh, here's a good one. A science teacher comes in to book library research time, it seemed, but to be sure, I asked her if she was just using our computer lab for some kind of web-based project or if it was actual research. Research. So I suggested a library lesson, showing them sources and research method, and she said, Oh, they're in tenth grade; don't they know that by now? And I did not rise up and smite her, but I did say, Oh, don't they know all the science they need to know by now? Point taken; she made a joke about kids thinking they know everything anyway, but she's going with the lesson. It's what I teach, bitch. It's like, you know, my job, my raison d'etre. Thankyouverymuch.

Okay, back to my life. I got my nails done after school, and man, it was like the clock was moving backwards. I could barely sit still; I couldn't wait to get out of there. Only one of the kids from the cast -- of the play, you remember the play -- came in and sat next to me, so we chatted a bit, and her mother was totally impressed that I was the mother of the playwright.

There are six performances of the play scheduled, btw, and they're sold out. Heh heh.

I dashed across the street from the nails place to the local garden center, since I needed to get flowers for the kid for tonight. [gnashing teeth] This place used to be a country vegetable stand, years ago, but in my adult memory. Now, it's .... I don't know. I don't think any of the stuff is locally grown, food or plants. All I wanted was a half dozen flowers, but all they had were bunches of two dozen roses and bunches of two dozen tulips. Yeah, I never saw anyone get a bunch of tulips, but whatever. So then I had to race to the supermarket, where I got ... a dozen roses, I guess, but mixed colors, and had to put them in a vase at home since I'm only giving her one for each show. Only the white ones have thorns; I wonder why?

Oy. I feel like one of those drawings of the Flash, where you can still see him but he's moving so fast that you also see his blur. I'm a blur. But I'm not moving fast, really, just ... antsy. I am hugely antsy. We call this having the shpilkes. You can't sit still.

I ate a McDonald's salad for dinner, and wolfed it down because I couldn't eat any other way. I could use a shoulder massage. Anyway.

K is also having a crazy runaround day, first subbing, then lunch out with one friend who's in town then dinner with another and then going to the play with both of them. I'm going with the Colleague tonight, so I'm looking forward to that, too. I didn't even expect to see K until I got to school, but she just bopped in, stuck between meals, I guess, and similarly, moving slowly at the speed of light.

It would be nice if this blog thing would settle down, too. I'm only posting here tonight; I don't have time to wait for the whole dland rigamarole. Blogarithm is sort of working for me, but I'm really still checking for diaries the old-fashioned way, with a combination of the dland page and RSS feeds. I looked at blogrolling.com today too, so I may end up doing something with that. But not until the weekend, when I can finally land somewhere.

Oh, I live in north Jersey, Bergen County. Just randomly throwing that in.

I need to touch up my makeup -- did I really say that? and put on a nicer shirt (over the purple tee and jeans I'm already wearing) and make sure that I DON'T FORGET MY TICKET. Not that they won't let me in, anyway. But it's nice you bring your ticket with you.

I am so rambling. If I stop writing, I have to do MORE STUFF. I have to try the Sibs again, and ... and .... and ..... not forget to bring a rose with me, and .... CALM THE FUCK DOWN. It's not like the kid is winning the Pulitzer Prize tonight.

But it is very exciting. Tee hee.

watching Friends :: entry #005/1457

Girly Day

I am not what anyone would call a girly girl, but I had a girly girl day today, sort of. I had gotten an email from the gym/spa that they were having a discount on spa services this weekend, and my hands are all dry and scratchy from the winter and from washing them all the time, between being sick myself and all the various cat effluvia I deal with -- more on that in a minute, so look forward to it -- so I set up an appointment for a hand and foot treatment. Having no idea what one should wear to such a thing, I wore cropped jeans and sandals, and a tank top, but with a shirt over it. I felt so alien, but ... well, girly. Turns out the spa treatments pretty much all involve putting on one of their robes over your underwear and lying on a table in a darkened room with new age-y music playing, and let me tell you .... ahhhhh. It was really, really nice. It was a reflexology massage combined with a parrafin treatment, and other lotions and stuff, and boy, was it relaxing. When it was done, the .. I don't know, person, said to relax all day and hydrate, and of course, I left there and went directly to the supermarket on the other side of the same parking lot, so I can't say I did the relaxing thing. Although I have read a bunch of Harry today, so I guess I did.

I just heard that the big signboard out in front of the high school is now advertising the week's play upcoming, and basically says "Title of Play" performed by the drama club written by ALUMNA R. CHAI. So it's her name up in lights, in an incredibly small-pond kind of way. Neato. I'll have to go take a picture tomorrow.

Cat effluvia, as promised. Now, one would think that having one cat instead of two in the house would diminish said cat effluvia by half. This has not been the case. Boo only pukes up the occasional actual hairball, as any cat would, but it's generally solid and nature and easily disposed of. But since last week, he has only puddled poo once, and that is his thing, man. He still doesn't poo in the litterbox, but the little tokens of affection he leaves for us are likewise solid, and easily disposed of. He only pees once a day, and in the litterbox. I'd like to say it's a mystery, but I don't think it is. He always ate some of Q's canned food, and when she was sick, and turned up her nose at it, he ate as much of it as he could get to. Now he's restricted to his own dry food, so there you go. The Hubs said for years that it was the canned food causing it, but really, there was no way to keep him away from it. Okay, it's not bad enough that I'm writing about poop, now I'm writing about cat poop. This is the excitement that is me.

Oh, and I smell really good, too. (I know, non sequitur.) It's the aromatherapy stuff she used on me this morning. It's irritating my allergies a little bit, but it's really nice. Either that or the smell of the brownies K made last night is still lingering in the house. I'm still a little stuffy, so it's hard to tell.

Speaking of K, she should be home shortly from her last day working at The Gap. I think she'll be a little sad, especially since the manager she doesn't get along with wasn't there today, so she's only leaving people that she likes. (Which is why she made them brownies.) But it's time. She still hasn't decided if she's going to take classes in July or look for a camp job, but she shouldn't have trouble getting a camp job if she wants one. Either way. When either of my kids says that she's "broke", I have come to understand that this means they are not saving as much each week as they want to. So I know she has enough to carry herself through the summer until she can start subbing again in September.

Chinese food is here. Time to eat.


watching Lifetime :: entry #1453

Where Is My Head?

[copied from dland]

I was so cranky yesterday that I left out the family good news as well as my continual medical report.

The Hubs has a first cousin who is about a year younger than he is, and who was married (the first time) a few months after we were, nearly 30 years ago. This weekend, he became a grandfather, making the Hubs' aunt and uncle whom I adore (Marie, whose food I was singing the praises of the other day) great-grandparents. So that's cool.

You'll remember my heartburn scare a week or so ago. Since then, I've been paying more attention to what I eat and how soon the heartburn comes after that, and I've made some adjustments and I think it's better. In the meantime, the ever nasty GERD woke me up a few times the other night, so I made an appointment to see the new gastroenterologist when I'm on spring break in a couple of weeks. See? I do know when to go to the doctor, and I'm going.

Here's the birthday resolution. K came home from class last night and immediatley -- before she took her jacket off -- apologized for being short with me in the afternoon. So that was nice. Then I raised the whole gift issue and she felt bad that she had led me to believe that she wanted me to buy her a new iPod; she had just been telling me that her iPod wasn't working, and when she got it to work a little while later, I was already asleep so she couldn't tell me. So I asked if she wanted her birthday gift a night early and she said okay, so I gave her the camera and she loved it and was all thank-yous and hugs. So, as I said, resolution. If an ungrateful child is sharper than a serpent's tooth, then a grateful child is ... well .... very, very good.

My big excitement of the day (other than K having a very nice birthday after all) is that tickets for high school's spring drama club play went on sale today. This sounds like it is not a big deal. Oh, but it is.

I think I have not talked about this before, but since I have the memory of the aged, I may have, although I think I haven't. So allow me to share (or repeat) my exciting news: the drama club's spring play has been written by none other than my own dear eldest child. She wrote a real play and it's being produced. Yes, it's the high school drama club, but this is quite a fine drama club that puts on professional quality productions. They routinely do Moliere and Shakespeare, and this time, it's ... R. She (and K as well) were quite active in the club as kids, and have always maintained a nice relationship with the teacher in charge, and she has promised to write a play for him, and she did. In the original ad, this guy basically wrote Directed by Mr. P and WRITTEN BY R. CHAI. So people are coming up to me constantly, even in town, and saying Oh, wow, R wrote the club's play? I am majorly kvelling (bursting with pride), kvelling my brains out. Mr. P. is giving us four free tickets to each performance -- there are six -- which he totally does not need to do. Today I gave him an ad for his playbill, a full page ad, which is $100. So I guess we're square. He had done a lot for my kids over the years, and now he's giving R the opportunity to see her work performed on stage.

BTW, the play will be put on in about a month. Here's what my ad looks like (more or less):

Read Shakespeare to your
four-year old.

Hey, you never know.

With great pride and much love
Mom, Dad, and K
Nannie and Gramps

and a cast of thousands.


My ILs will be able to attend, as will my sister and several of her offspring (I hope.) Her three eldest were all members of the same drama club; Oldest Nephew was quite the key performer in his day, which was 15+ years ago under a different advisor. My parents saw all his performances, although they never were able to see any of the other kids'. I figure that "a cast of thousands" will mean to R what I meant in to mean: all her cousins and all her grandparents, wherever they may be.

So that's my story. R is actually due here within the next 10 or 15 minutes, and then we are headed out, probably to the Olive Garden, for a birthday dinner.

Bye!

watching Reba :: entry #1425