Reporting From the Front

First, reminder to self: NO POLITICS NO POLITICS NO POLITICS. But I will repeat what I said the other day. I am astonished that intelligent people of good faith can look at the same stuff -- or in this case, political candidates -- and have such absolutely different reactions. And now, repeat: NO POLITICS NO POLITICS NO POLITICS.

Deep breath.

It's about a quarter to twelve and I have an unexpected lull. I have so far today done two freshman classes of I.D. cards, and about the equivalent of a class-size worth of replacement cards for upperclassmen. So far, all the kids have been very polite and pleasant and often amusing. I have already seen the obligatory Most Obsessed Member of the Freshman Class, as well as The Quirkiest Member of the Freshman Class. The Obsessed One handed in his homework to the teacher whose class was here for the pictures, waited until he saw his teacher check off his name in both attendance and collected homework, sat down, and when the teacher asked "Now do I have everyone's work?", jumped up again to make sure he was checked off. The Quirky One carried a bottle of water in his hand, had another bottled clipped to his belt loop, and had three more in an outside pocket of his backpack. So.

It's going very well. I'm tired, but not like I was. (And today I'm on my feet all day.) But I slept this morning until the alarm (!!), so that was like getting an extra hour or two of sleep for me.

Next class coming in. More to follow.

Home.

In the afternoon classes, I met The Vain Girl ("Do I have to have my picture taken? OMIGOD! How does my hair look?") and The Socially Stupid Girl, who was so busy chatting with the others in line that when I said "Look right at the camera and hold still," she scrunched up her nose and looked at her friends and said "What?" Which led to my explaining to her that I was taking a still photograph, and had she ever had her picture taken before? She said "What?" After which every other kid in line giggled (understandably) when it was their turn and I said "Look right at the camera and hold still." I giggled with them.

After school was a horse of a different color, maybe 50 kids, maybe more, in to get cards done, with me all alone. Someone will be emailed in the morning.

Ah well. The day is over and it was waaay better than the last two, exhaustion wise. I'm not unhappy or stressed. I just have to keep reminding myself: NO POLITICS NO POLITICS NO POLITICS.


WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1850
READING: A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

OMG

I am incredibly, horribly exhausted. Physically exhausted, not even really sleepy. I canceled my nail appointment after school today and came home and collapsed on the couch for over two hours.

I have the sneaking suspicion that my body is trying to tell me something.

But work is fine, except for the exhaustion and stuff. At one point today, I needed to open a box that was on the floor and I began to kneel down on my right knee and about eight inches from the floor, my knee said "NONONONONO YOU CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE!" and I creaked myself upright. At one point after a trip to the ladies' room downstairs, I gave up and walked all the way down the hall and took the elevator up, even though the stairs were right there and the library is right above the ladies' room.

I do hope I begin to adjust to this on some level.

The SCM was in today, and all is pretty much what I figured. He's taking off whenever he wants to, which I expected. In the last week of September, we have Tuesday and Wednesday off for Rosh Hashonah; he's taking the previous Friday and that Monday, so he'll get a whole week off. Because, you know, his vacation home is so far away! It's all the way in Vermont! And probably his diamond shoes are too tight!

And that's all the news that's fit to print. Once again, will the people I need to talk to just call me already so I can make my lunch and pass out? Please?


WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1849
READING: A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

Looong Day

As expected, I woke up around five and then drifted in and out for an hour or so, got up around 6.10. So that's going on 14 hours. I have not been continuously upright for this many hours since June. My back is screaming at me, "What, are you KIDDING?"

It was a fine day, other than the fatigue aspect. Did what I needed to do, saw folk. The SCM actually called in sick today, so, still no news on what's going on with him and retirement plans. My first question to him tomorrow, assuming he actually shows up, has got to be "Just exactly how many sick days do you have?" Second question: "And are you taking them all between now and February?"

R left work early today to see a dermatologist -- mine -- because she had developed this odd mark on her face, which has now faded, and she picked a doctor near her off a list and went last week and no one showed up at the office. She and another patient just sat there, waiting, and no doctor, not even a receptionist, appeared. So I told her I'd feel a lot better if she just saw my doctor, who is very, very good. So she took the train her to B-Town and K picked her up, after which we went to the Red Lobster, aka the only restaurant you can eat in if you're on W8 Watchers (don't talk to me about Applebee's), and then we drove her home. (It was just sun damage, btw, not serious.)

I needed to make a quick call to the Sibs and then the Colleague (who is much better), but the C got another call and has to call me back. But I just want to go to sleep! Okay, I want to put my cute little lunch together and then go to sleep.

But first, change the channel. The new 90210 just came in, and I will watch a lot of crap, but I will not watch that.


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1848
READING: A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

Ever So Briefly

I am most exhausted, and obsessing over copying my calendar into iCal, so, in brief, I did not get my new tattoo today. I got there a little early for my appointment and they said my guy was still working on someone else, so I happily went back to my car and listened to some more Harry, but when I went back in to check ten minutes after my appointment time, they said he was nowhere near done. (And they make appointments because ... ) So I rescheduled for three weeks from today, i.e., the day after my next pedicure.

And there ya go. More tomorrow, I would hope.


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1744

Hello!

Hello! My eldest nephew, JJ, answers the phone and says Hello! and sounds just like the MovieFone guy and when he does it I can't answer him because I can only laugh. I'm just sharing.

I am just soooooo tired today and there's no reason for it at all. I fell asleep around 9.30 last night, cracked open an eye at 10 and again at 11 to change the channel, and again at 3 to turn the TV off, but I never got out of bed that I can recall (or, as it were, off the couch) and I woke up with the alarm, which is maybe the third or fourth time that's happened this school year.

Ooh, I just had fun. It's first lunch in the library, so I'm here -- the SCM is at lunch -- and in the last few minutes I was asked for stuff on the Beatles and hippies, anything we had on the Salem which trials, and a basic summary of Andrew Jackson. And that's where the fun is, if you're a dork, I guess. This is the fun part of being a school librarian, jumping from one topic to another, seeing what it is they're looking for. As I've said many times, I don't like my job, but I love my work. So there ya go.

Okay, back to the exhaustion. I have had three cups of coffee today, although sadly, my experiment to see if I could have a cup of real (aka, caffeinated) coffee for my second cup was a failure. (Which means I had three cups of decaf today, but hey, it's got some.) I thought I could have just one cup of caf a day, hours after my blood pressure med, and it wouldn't interfere. And it didn't. No shakes, no feeling quivery or anything. But the heartburn! And it only took me two weeks to make the connection! So I'm back to just decaf, and as little chocolate as I can get away with, including no chocolate at all at night because that will just kill me. Really, I'm going to be a joy one day in the little old tattooed ladies' home when they have to cope with all my special diet needs, not to mention my plaid blanket problem. (Although, I've recently realized that I don't sleep under a plaid blanket in the family room, so what's up with that? I've justified it in my mind by deciding that the family room is two steps down from the rest of the house and it's a well-known fact that *ahem* serpents cannot go down stairs. SHUT UP! Leave me alone with my fantasy rationalizations!)

Today is pedi day which means that tomorrow is tattoo day. I have already said that this is my last one, but god help me, I'm reconsidering. Wonderful Niece expressed her amazement that not one of my tattoos is Mickey related, and you know .....

My day continues to amuse. Here it is, almost time to leave and a boy came in and asked for a book by title. I looked it up and asked him "The one about the siege of Stalingrad?" and he pumped his fist in the air and said "YES!" and ran to the shelves to get it. He was very cute.

And now, home after the pedi, and listen: I know what I want for Mother's Day. The Sibs and I have been getting our pedis here forever and until today, neither one of us thought to turn on the massage in the massage chair. Ohhhhhh ..... heaven. It was wunderful. Well, they're always asking me to tell them what I want, and now I've got something to say.

However will I stay up for Lost tonight?

WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1743

I Think I Need a Nanny

So let's see. Two weeks ago, it turned out that I wasn't taking the right amount of the Crohn's medication. Yesterday, I realized that I'd been mis-spelling Crohn's for weeks. Last night? I took my Crohn's medication, but forget to take all the other stuff that i take every single night of my life. I didn't sleep all night, but I didn't figure it out until this morning, when I got up, stumbled over to my desk to take my morning meds and realized that last night's pills were still there.

Honestly. I don't need a nanny, I need a keeper.

In the past, I could cope with a sleepless night, one, anyway, but now, not so much. I could not function this morning at all. I called in sick and went back to bed, but only slept for another hour or two. I managed to do some things in the house during the day -- a few loads of laundry, and I actually vacuumed -- but I really didn't even get my first "wind" until about three. Which was good, because I did have a pedicure appointment at four, so I was able to go. The pedicures, you may recall, are something of a device that gets me a nice hour with my sister, sans husband, every few weeks, and today's was particularly therapeutic, so I'm glad I was able to go.

And it would be nice to be clear enough to understand what's going on Lost tonight, I think.

Anyway, I've taken a bit of risk with dinner tonight, so I shall see how that plays out. I had gefilte fish and a bit of noodle kugel, which is to say that K and I picked up our dinner at the Kosher deli. Let's hope that they both turn out to be on the list of things I'm allowed to eat, because a) they were good, and b) my stomach has been delightfully peaceful today.

So, Romney's out. Huckabee? Huckabee?

WATCHING COUNT DUCKULA :: ENTRY #1673

About the Tired. And All That.

As the empress suggests in her comments, The Tired is most likely due to the Crohn's, or to the medication for Crohn's, or a combination of the two. I don't think it's because of my night-time sleeping patterns, because let's face it, I've had insomnia since I was twelve, and I can't pin that on the Crohn's.

After school yesterday, I did a few errands. I picked up my glasses (which seem fine), went to Walgreen's (which was out of my size hearing aid batteries, and I beat it out of there when I saw someone I knew up one of the aisles and I didn't want to get bogged down in conversation), and to the supermarket. The walk through the supermarket is not exhausting in and of itself, because I'm hanging onto the cart for support, but it's always hot by the checkout -- I took my coat off -- and then walking out to the car with just my two bags, I thought "Oh. I'm a completely different person now."

Then I realized that this was not so much a huge revelation as it was a "here we go again." Despite what many of us think, that we are who we are and always have been, every so often we change into a whole other person, the way a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. (Which sounds so lovely, but trust me, my transformations are not as poetic.) I am not troubled by this transformation, I just hadn't gotten it in my head yet that here it was again. But even as I huffed and puffed my way to the car, I knew that this was different from "last time," which was, of course, after the brain surgery, but in my next thought I realized that I've undergone many other changes since then, since the brain surgery 16 years ago.

Of course we change naturally over time, puberty and all that crap, and no one will deny that being pregnant and giving birth changes your body. Even so, I think when my kids were little, I did not so much feel changed in who I was. I was still always in overdrive. I did everything I wanted or needed to do. I worked, I took care of the kids. I cooked what needed to be cooked, and cleaned what absolutely needed to be cleaned. I took care of everything. I was tired all the time, but never really tired enough to keep me from doing what I needed to do.

Brain surgery shifted my paradigm, so to speak. I was forced to be someone other than that get-everything-done person, at least for a period of time. People took care of me on a grand scale, and I had never really experienced that before. I liked to say that I learned that it was okay to let other people do that, and to let other people take care of things I had always done, but in truth, that was a short-lived lesson. As soon as I was able to, I went back to being who I was, but with modifications. I did regain some strength and stamina. I went back to managing multiple Girl Scout troops, to working long hours at school on extra-curricular activities, and on full-time with my kids. The real change in me after the brain surgery was that I became much more thoughtful about raising my children, and listening to what I said and didn't say to them, and learning not to sweat the small stuff with them. To pick my battles. Having brain surgery made me a much, much better mother, because I had been given a glimpse into an alternate world where I might not have continued to be their mother. Although on the whole, I would prefer not to have a hearing loss, I always think of the brain surgery as generally a positive thing that happened to me, not a negative. And now you know why.

Since then, I have been experiencing the Wonderful World of Menopause, which brings its own changes, most of them really annoying. Combined with the WWM are the natural changes that come with aging. When my menopause adventure began, I was 42, and had just taken a car trip to DisneyWorld with my kids and my sister and hers, and I had done all the driving, all the planning, all the managing. I was a freaking dynamo, and then all this other stuff started, and it was hard adjusting for a while, especially to the mood swings. But then things changed when my mother became ill, and Shirl Is Dying took over everything. Certainly the hardest period in my life. I did not adjust to well to all that, had constant stomach pain, and ultimately went to therapy, which helped a great deal. During this time, I developed high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and god knows what else, and I was in a continual state of overdrive. And it only really ended when Shirl died, which kicked off another whole cycle of change and adjustment and new-me-ness, which had barely gotten started before Jack died nine months later. I was an orphan. I learned to live my life as an orphan -- I know that sounds goofy and overdramatic -- but it was a change and had to be dealt with. When your parents are dead, you are the adult, and there is no escaping from that.

And there was a kind of free falling feeling. Overdrive was no longer my required mode of being. I no longer had to spend every day after work running to help my parents, or doing something for my kids. My parents were dead and both of my kids were away at college. Life took on a much easier, more pleasant pace. This was a very peaceful period in my life. I finished going to therapy. This period lasted two years, the two years that both kids were away. Then they came home, one and then the other, but still, things were okay because having adult daughters who are your friends is so cool. Yes, there are moments, and dishes in the sink, but time will take care of all that. I didn't need to be in overdrive, just drive, during this time. My time was my own and I could do what I wanted, sometimes with a buddy along.

And now. Overdrive is out of the question, of course. Drive would be nice, and if it's not there most of the time, well, hey.

At some point recently, maybe even before I got sick, I had an interesting series of thoughts. I have been married 30 years, we have lived in our house 20 years. I am 55. I will live another 20 years, or maybe 30. I'm likely to get to 75, unlikely to go past 85. It was the first time I thought of my lifespan as having a finite end. It was a little bit of a disturbing thought. The last 20 years -- or 30 -- went by so fast. What if all the years I have left go by the same way? I was starting to think of my life and what's left of it as being very short. And then I got so sick, and then I got my diagnosis.

The time ahead of me suddenly does not seem short. It seems okay. I don't know why knowing I have a chronic disease for the rest of my life changed that, but it did. (Although I still have to wonder about certain things fitting into that timespan ahead of me, like grandchildren and watching them grow up. Where the hell are my grandchildren already? My parents and grandparents both had grandchildren by the time they were 55!) When I am Tired, I just am; I can't do anything about it, so why should I despair that I can no longer function in overdrive as I once did? I'm not even supposed to be in overdrive anymore; I spent so much time taking care of every detail for the last 35 years that they're just all taken care of. I'm not quite as sharp as I've been, but I think that's also either the Crohn's or the meds, and that will come back when I've got things more under control medically. And I am not sweating small stuff. At. All. Why bother? Why care? Don't worry, be happy. You know?

So even when I'm Tired, I'm okay. Today after school I'm going to get my nails done, and then go home and get K and we will vote and then pick some stuff up for dinner. Sounds like just the right plan for me.

WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS :: ENTRY #1672

And Now It's Tuesday

I wrote some parts of an entry yesterday, but at about 8:00 last night, I absolutely crashed, so it never got posted. I was sitting at my desk and suddenly felt as though I might faint, which is odd, and it was all I could do get my shoes off and move the few feet over to the couch. Then I felt okay ... safe, anyway ... and before long, I was asleep.

I am pleased to report that last night I slept something like a normal person. I woke up at 10.30, took my pills, and fell back to sleep on the couch. I woke up at 2.00 and moved into the bedroom, where I slept until 5.00. Go me! No middle of the night potty excursions! Dr. Resnick will be so proud of me.

Anyway, there is really no need for me to get up at 5, but that seems to be what's happening. K has been subbing pretty steadily, and it all works into our morning bathroom dance. She's not all that eager to go today, since she was in yesterday for a teacher who's taken on an extra class (all of them freshmen), and her one free period yesterday, she covered for another teacher whose class was miserable, and today she's going in for that one all day. Nice girl, this teacher, but not known for classroom control. So the poor kid's in for a rough day.

Usually I vote on the way to school, but today I'll wait until this afternoon and K and I will go together on our way out to pick up something for dinner. Should be some interesting TV tonight.

And now, yesterday's entry:

And Now It's Monday

I did indeed watch almost the whole football game last night; I took a bit of time off to lie down in the bedroom, which actually meant I missed the entire boring third quarter, but I watched the rest of the game. K watched the whole thing with the Hubs. I guess even if you don't know shit about football, it wasn't hard to figure out that this was a really good game. Afterwards, one of the commentators said it was the best Super Bowl ever. So I guess I picked a good place to start. (And even though Giants Stadium is only a few miles from here -- it's in New Jersey, not in New York, ya know -- I had no personal stake in either team since I don't follow football generally, so I didn't have to feel good or bad about who won or lost.)

Still tired, I think I will be tired every day of my life for as long as I live. If I woke up and had boundless energy, I'd probably think that I'd died and was in some kind of heaven. But I'm okay, I'm functioning. My after-school mission for today is to pick up my new glasses, hit Walgreen's for a couple of items in their circular (hearing aid batteries, buy one pack, get one free), and get a few grocery items. K has class tonight, so I have to decide what I want for dinner. I think what I want is for someone to come to my house and make me some wonderful fresh food, with nice veggies on the side and of course, pie. There should always be pie.

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After lunch. Still tired. I think I'll take a little stroll around the building in a few minutes, which is something I haven't done in a very long time, so I guess that means I feel strong enough to do that. A good sign. It's been very busy today with I.D. cards, so I didn't take an actual break; I'll drop in on the Colleague in the office she's in now when I know she's back from lunch. Tomorrow, for one reason or another, I'm not taking a lunch period, so I'll have to find another time to get the period I'm owed for that.


WATCHING MORNING NEWS :: ENTRY #1671

Four Days?

I really haven't posted since Saturday? This whole thing is seriously messing with my head. I can't keep track of the days, and I'm so tired all the time. I was at my small lunch group today -- Tuesdays and Thursdays, in the math department office -- and one of the others asked how I was doing on the prednisone. I said "Well, the room's not spinning, but I wouldn't say that the edges are exactly clear." And that's how I am. I don't know if it's the Crohn's, or the meds, or the lack of sleep. And last night was a pretty good night, sleep-wise, for me, anyway.

The worst time of the day, I think, is the first few hours. I am so tired that I can barely move, yet I'm awake, and I go through the routine of having breakfast, getting dressed, and going to work. Then once I get there I can hardly move. I sit at my desk and do what I can do there, but I'm mostly in a fog, although if I need to get up and do something, or talk to someone, I do it with perfect clarity. And then I collapse back in my chair with a deep sigh. Once the clock hits ten, I'm a little more alive. And I make it through the day, which is really all I need to do.

And I have no appointments of any kind any day this week after school, so that's a good thing, too. Although I think I may call the doctor's office tomorrow and see if I can get the name of a nutritionist or dietitian to go to. I just don't see the point of me stumbling blindly through all this when there's probably someone who can really help me work out the details. Today, for example, I'm doing an experiment and not having bread. Why? I have no idea, but I eat a lot of bread, and I guess I wanted to see if it would make a difference. (So far, no.)

Otherwise, no particular developments for me. R should be calling shortly, and then I think I'll make a nice little omelet. No cheese, but I have mushrooms, and canned asparagus, and a little avocado. We'll see how that works out. (But no toast.)

WATCHING L/O :: ENTRY #1668

It's Been a Long Week

and I am sooooo tired.

I didn't get to post last night because the phone just kept ringing, and then I crashed, and tonight I've pretty much been stretched out in front of the TV since about 7. The troubles are afoot, but it seems not in the same way they have been for the last week or so, I think because everything is starting to straighten out in there. Or maybe not, what do I know. Anyway, lots of nausea today (although I did work full days yesterday and today, go me), so I just don't know what to expect here. I hope I get some sleep tonight. More real writing tomorrow.


WATCHING GEORGE LOPEZ SHOW :: ENTRY #1664

Quiet So Far, With Turmoil to Follow

Or maybe not. I know it's been a not-unpleasant day at school so far. (It's about 1.30 now as I'm writing.) They sent in a sub for the SCM today, a former student, cute as a button; boys were flirting with her this morning. She did a few nasty jobs for me that no one else would have had the time to do -- cut up about 2000 printed sheets into halves, for one -- and watched over kids during lunch and otherwise got her resumes and whatever else typed, which was fine with me. She hasn't left the library for a minute that I saw, which means no bathroom breaks and didn't even leave for lunch. She likes it here.

K is subbing today for a gym teacher -- good laughs were had by all -- but they're in Health now, so she's in a classroom all day with an air conditioner. It's supposed to hit 92 today, but so far it's 88. The new library, it turns out, actually is air conditioned. It's even a little chilly in here, but very pleasant, really. We'll see how things progress over the next four weeks.

Which reminds me: take this week's calender off my desk and move them all down a week, so that all four remaining weeks are showing. Sweet. That's 18 days to go.

The turmoil I anticipate is not so much turmoil as it is activity with a glitch. R's movers were scheduled to arrive between 2 and 3. She called me at 1 to say that they had just arrived. Now, normally, this is a good thing, and it also means that the kid does not have my mazel (which means luck) with service people. Uh ... wait ...

So she just called again, and we do have a problem, Houston. These wonderful movers are already unloading at the new apartment. But I have her TV, which they need to bring upstairs, in my car. Which is here. A 25 minute drive away, and I can't leave for nearly an hour yet. Hmmm.

So I told her to have them put her current TV in her car, and in an hour or so, she and I will move the 27" TV up to her new apartment. That would be up the three flights of stairs. Because the movers, those efficient little devils, will be all done and gone by then, I think. If it took them a half hour to load their truck, it ain't gonna take them an hour and a half to unload it, even up three flights.

Okay. I'll let you know what happens. In fact, it'll be right here, in this post, since I'm not putting it up until I get home tonight. Chapter Two to follow.

Chapter Two. Three. Et Cetera.

I am the oldest person who has ever lived. Oh wait, my body just feels like that.

The whole story is a comedy of errors. Here's the summary:

Got the TV upstairs. TV is too big for its shelf and the apartment and blocks all access to the outlets. Stashed the TV on the floor under the kitchen table and headed out to Best Buy.

Bought the kid a TV, a flat-screen. RESOLUTION: Never buy a TV with a traditional picture tube again, only buy flat screens. She carried up the three flights under one arm.

Carried up several loads of other light things from her car. Thought I was gonna die.

Backed up my car to hers and moved her 32" TV into my car. The movers had put it in her backseat for some reason and let me tell you, it was a bitch to get out.

Came home. K and I used a handtruck and lots of insanity to bring the 32" TV into the house so that when the Hubs got home he didn't do the macho thing and try to carry it in, thereby dropping dead on the front lawn.

TV does not work. Well, it works, but we couldn't get it set up. Went back to R's for the remote and instructions, which I had forgotten to take the first time.

Stopped for a Happy Meal on the way home. Finally, something about this whole fiasco makes me happy.

So, K is trying to figure out how to get the TV to work. It's an input or a connection problem of some kind; the TV worked at R's old place this morning. Nothing wrong with the TV. We just don't know what we're doing. I, on the other hand, know why I don't eat McDonald's burgers more often, because now I feel bloated and gross. Ooh, that would have been a good title for the entry.

It may be time for me to take the remote and the instructions, or just pass out, I haven't decided yet which.

watching no TV yet :: entry #1474

Not So Much

So, did I sleep the sleep of the just last night?

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(See title, above.)

I went to bed at 9.15, ready to sleep, with the tv on, as I always fall asleep. By about midnight, I had gotten up twice, eating both times. By 12.15, I was settling in, I thought, and then ... Da Da DAH!

GERD.

The gastric reflux, which was just lying in wait for me, woke me up within minutes of falling asleep. I guess that's why I hadn't fallen asleep in the first place. And now I know that I can't eat tomato sauce any more. Greeaaat.

My morning, which I expected to be very relaxed, was also not so much. I overslept a half hour; my alarm must have been ringing the whole time, but I was lying (if you could call it that, because I was practically sitting up) with my good ear on the pillow, so I didn't hear the alarm until I shifted around. Then I was discombobulated, just a bit, but not actually late. It was too cold to wear what I had taken out, I forgot to make the coffee for my thermos, and so on.

I got to work, and as I walked into the library, the SCM calls to me from across the room: "I left a note on your desk! Our Smart Board is here!" (A Smart Board is a kind of high tech blackboard that connects to the computer.) I got to my desk and there is a note -- from the SCM -- that says: "Our Smart Board is here!" I turned around and looked through the window into our classroom, and you know what? Big as life, there was a Smart Board hanging on the wall. Shit. He was going to be insane today, of all days.

He came over to my desk to start some harangue, and I said "You know what? Let me just warn you: I'm not in a good mood today." He backed off a little, but I told him that the shout out, the note, and that fact that a blind person could see that the Smart Board was there was all a little overkill. He didn't need all of that. Which he got, and didn't take offense, which was unusual for him, but, come on. Can't I ever find anything out for myself?

Did I over-react? I had to stop him before he seized control of my entire day.

No more about school. It sucks there.

So, home. I did manage a bit of a nap this afternoon, since I don't want to fade away before Heroes. I really hope I sleep tonight. I deserve it.

watching The Simpsons :: entry #1471

On Beyond ...

(On Beyond Zebra was the first Dr. Seuss book I fell in love with, when I was 5. But I digress. Just explaining the today's title.)

... exhausted. I am On Beyond Exhausted. But at least with good reason today, and not the usual bitching about being old and tired et cetera et cetera. For one, I haven't slept great the last few nights and I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. The real reason, though, is that K and I went over to help R pack and move a bunch of stuff, and you know, her new place is on the third floor. So that's lots of steps for old mom. And inside, there was no place to sit, really, except the floor, and that just creates its own problems in getting up, so mostly I was standing, which is hard on my back and also on my feet.

But we got a lot done, kitchen stuff moved and put away, her shelving unit put together, and even a new Ikea chair assembled before we left. And then she treated us to dinner, which was a nice new experience.

The Hubs is in Minneapolis; he called to say he'd arrived while R was assembling the chair. He'll be gone until late Tuesday. I'm curious to see if this will affect my sleep in any way. Part of my sleep problem is that I'm a light sleeper and easily distracted, if I can put it that way, while I'm asleep. I think if the Hubs is sleeping restlessly, then I will, although if he's sleeping soundly, you could set off an explosion in the room and he wouldn't wake up.

Feet. I mentioned to my sister this morning that my feet always hurt. She asked what I meant by that. I thought for a minute and then I said "My feet always hurt." Was that not clear? Anyway, the soles of my feet are always sore, sometimes more than others, but pretty much all the time. The orthotics from the podiatrist have not made a difference. And yes, I'm still considering the chiropracter. I'll see how I feel tomorrow after school.

I got a letter from my bank telling me that they think someone may have been trying to access my account via the Internet. Really? IT WAS ME, YOU IDIOTS. I'm supposed to have online access, and my computer is supposed to be authorized, but each time I try to get in, it tells me it has no record of this computer and it asks me a sneaky question. The questions are obviously based on my credit reports, because there was an error on my credit report (which I thought I had fixed, but I guess not) that listed my in-laws' address as a second address because it got me mixed up with my mother-in-law. The bank's question was "In what county is [her address]?" Well, shit. How the hell would I know? I took a guess and I got it right, but I imagine it's all these repeated legitimate attempts to access my own account that has the bank all nervous, so I have to call them tomorrow and try to straighten this out. If I have to , I'll go into my local branch where there are actually several people who know me by name, and for years, but I have to call their fraud (or whatever) department first. Sheesh.

If I stop writing and sit on the couch, or god forbid, my bed, I think I will conk right out. My hope is to make it through The Simpsons -- 400th episode tonight -- and then collapse. I'll let you know how that worked out for me.

watching King of the Hill :: entry #1470

Still *yawn* Here

I'm having the kind of day where everyone who looks at me says "Gee, you look tired!" Thankyou. Thankyouvermuch.

So things have been quiet. K has been in school all week until 9 or so, and the Hubs was out the last two nights, first a business dinner and last night teaching a class. K is actually home early today, having skipped her second class because she has the terrible cold I had a couple of weeks ago, and getting caught between classes in last night's deluge didn't do her any good. And she's already booked to sub tomorrow, so she wanted an early night.

So. Had a busy day at school, which was was good, and probably a busy day tomorrow. This weekend isn't coming fast enough for me, but next weekend is a three-day (or more?) weekend, which should be really nice, even though R is moving on that Friday and the ILs are coming up for dinner on Saturday.

We are embroiled in the controversy over the extra snow day that we didn't use in our school district. Now, why we didn't use it is a mystery, since we had one snowy day and one horrible rainy day when every other school district in north Jersey was closed, but we were open, so we should have used all our days. But we have one unused day in the calendar, and there are those who feel we should "get it back." Not that I wouldn't like a day off, but honestly? I don't think it was ours to start with, let alone to get back. Although most of the other nearby districts do give back their unused days. Last year, they gave us back the last day of school, which is to say, the last day for staff, the day after the kids' last day. This did not sit well with most people, since it left them no time to clean up their classrooms for the summer and many people ended up coming in anyway, just on their own time. What people want back is the day before or the day after Memorial Day weekend. So far, they claim that they are generously giving us back ... the last day of school for staff, like last year. Doesn't matter to me, since I just leave the library as it is for the summer, so for me it is a day off, but it used to be a day when we had a staff barbecue and softball game and it was nice to hang out together. Anyway, the powers that be could yet be prevailed upon for next weekend. I doubt it, but it could happen.

I see by the clock on the .... editing page, that I started writing this entry at 4.46, and it is now about 6.44. How did that happen? Oh, I did go out and pick up dinner at the deli so K could have chicken soup .... and I talked to the Sibs .... and R ... and the Hubs came home and K told him a joke from her Economics class; how lame is that?

I'm going to post and get back to Harry before the Ugly Betty season finale in a little over an hour. Tomorrow.

watching VH1 :: entry #1467

Someone Stop This Crazy Thing!

Seriously, I need a vacation. Or a day off. With any luck, it'll be Sunday. I can hold on until then.

I fell asleep at work again today. This time, it was around 1.15, and I sat in a chair in the office and didn't even put my head down on the desk. I sat slumped a little and let my head lean forward. I'm getting to be good at this, sleeping upright in a chair. Sheesh.

I think my dland is back, in a manner of speaking, but I'm not posting any real entries there until this is all worked out, if then. I will post a little update thing so that my link turns red on the buddies page, but it may take a day to show up, like my last entry did. But I think it's all there.

And yes, I have two buddies lists on this page. I'm working things out.

Okay, so, enjoyed the play again last night, going tonight. My nephew from California is in, and as always, some kind of turmoil always seems to surround him, although he's always the calm at the center. His new thing is that he got his mother an iPod for Mother's Day/her birthday -- notice I didn't say bought, I'm sure he hooked up a free iPod from somewhere -- and he wants to put my music on it. Since one of the things he's famous for is using other people's stuff and breaking it, at the very least, not leaving it in the condition he found it, this was unsettling, and I told him it wouldn't work, either. If he syncs the new iPod to my computer to get the music, then when he tries to sync it to his mother's computer so she can manage it, it'll ask for my password and want to authorize that computer on my iTunes account. Which is a very bad plan. But no, he only wants to put music on hers and leave it like that and not even put iTunes on her computer. Or something. Whatever. He says "It'll take 20 minutes!" but I think it'll take hours just to decide what music of mine to copy over, since he got her a 4 gig iPod and I have 12 gigs of stuff. See? It's always something with him. But you gotta love him. Or we do, I guess, because he's ours. But it's always something.

K got a new tattoo today, which is very nice, but I don't have a good picture because my camera flashed funny, so I'll have to get her to send me the one I took for her with her camera, which came out great. You remember my whole camera drama with her last month. That worked out, anyway.

The newest hearing aid wrinkle -- I may have mentioned something somewhere yesterday -- is that the big fix did not work and the audiologist asked me to keep a log and he'll get back on it Monday. So I was keeping a log last night and all morning. At some point today, I'm thinking just before or after my little nap at school, the volume got turned up on the hearing aids, to a slightly uncomfortable degree, actually, but the thing is: I think they're working. I think they haven't muted themselves since I turned the volume up. Now, tonight at the play, I'm going to be hearing the actors' heartbeats, but if I don't go all muted, I'll also hear every word of dialogue. So, an interesting development. We shall see what the weekend brings.

Meantime, I feel like I'm pedaling as fast as I can. Still in hyperactive mode (except for when I fall asleep at work, I guess.) Once the play is over tomorrow night, I think I can finally stop, but until then ... pedal, pedal, pedal. So my nephew is coming over tomorrow morning, my in-laws will be stopping by before the play so we can go over there together, which means that I have to clean in the afternoon, or at least, get the giant economy packs of toilet paper and paper towels out of the living room. And find the Boo poo wherever it is. Did I mention that I actually found some in the litter box the other day? But he was just teasing me, because he hasn't done that since.

I feel like I have a year's worth of laundry to do. I have no dishtowels in the kitchen. K washed a load of towels yesterday, but there's a load in the dryer and a load in the laundry basket that may be clean, or maybe not. She's upstairs getting dressed for tonight. It's a challenge, folks, since she's got a freshly inked tattoo on her back. Has to be covered, so the people sitting behind us don't get grossed out, but it's damn hot in that auditorium. Plus she's going to get a million hugs from her cousins and all sorts of people. Maybe she could have waited until next week. But hey, I probably wouldn't have, so who am I to say?

I did break down yesterday and turn the air conditioning on. It was 81 degrees when I got home from the play the night before at 10.30. That means it was over 90 up in K's room. It's comfortable in the house now, anyway. Jeez, I hope it doesn't snow over the weekend.

Okay, okay. The sound of the computer fan is starting to get to me; it's really loud, as is everything else. It rained before, and let me tell you, a scary sound, amplified.

watching Ellen :: entry #1461

Tumbling Along

I posted an entry at dland last night, here, but you probably didn't see it because I posted and then went to sleep, more or less, and only checked to see if it was really there when I got home from school just before, and it wasn't. It is now, and I think, my last one there for a while, until things improve a bit. Let me know.

I am reeeaaally tired. I fell asleep twice at work today. Both times, I went into the library office and put my head down for ten minutes because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. At the moment, I have about two hours before K and I are meeting the Chum for dinner, and I'm going to post this and lay down on the couch.

The play was actually better last night than the first night; I guess the actors pretty much found their rythm. Everybody laughed a lot. Very cool.

Okay, I just wanted to post before I collapse and then get up and go out. I'll try to get some actual information into a post in the near future.

watching Dr. Phil :: entry #1460

Today's Burning Question

So, how was the play?

It was good. It was very good. It was funny, and beautifully directed and well-acted, and it was an amazing experience to hear, essentially, your child's voice coming out as the words of actors. She threw in a few inside family jokes here and there, which K and I enjoyed immensely. It was great.

Leaving for performance #2 in ... about an hour and a half.

I am totally wiped out. I got home around 10.30, but didn't get to sleep until nearly 12.30. I was just wide awake. I hope I can do better tonight (and tomorrow night), but at least now I know what I want for Mother's Day: I want to crash. I want to lie here like a lump and do nothing at all. If I feel like, I'll put in a wash. But that's it.

In other news, I finally pre-ordered our Harry Potters today. I have no idea what took me so long, but at least the store hasn't got its act together 100% yet, so they haven't been giving out numbers or anything, so I guess we haven't missed anything or won't be too far back on a line because we didn't order them the first day.

I had an interesting day in Hearing Aids World. You know, they replaced my new ones, rebuilt them from scratch, actually, but they're still not good. They're well programmed for my hearing, all that is good, but for some reason, the one of them (the one that's actually a hearing aid and not just a microphone/transmitter) randomly changes, just mutes itself a little bit from time to time with no warning or reason that anyone can see. It's very frustrating. If I turn it off (which I usually do by opening and closing the battery door), it resets itself and works fine until next time, which could be in an hour or could be in a minute. Anyway, not a good thing, and I was going to the audiologist today and I was afraid that this would be it, the moment he turned and became not the nicest person in the world, but would be all "Well, that's the best we can do."

Instead, he said "That's not acceptable. And your warranty won't even start until we make these work. And we will make these work." He really is an amazingly good guy. He says he's going to be on the phone tomorrow morning, not with customer service, as usual, but with their tech support department, and he'll call me at school and hopefully tell me I can come over right after school and he'll know what to do to fix them. The really cool thing is that he doesn't even work in this office on Thursdays, but he was going to to finish up some things, and now he's devoting a big chunk of his day to me and my problem. Oh, the other really sweet thing he did was that when he first walked into the room and saw me sitting there, he said, "So, how was the play?"

What else can I tell you? I am already so behind on this week's TV! I think if I can't fall asleep tonight when I get home, I'll put on last night's Idol, or maybe just skip a step and put on tonight's Idol, since I'll read all over the place tomorrow who got voted off; it won't exactly be a surprise. And they always show performance clips on the results show anyway. Yeah, that's a good idea. And hope that I fall asleep before it's over.

Blogarithm does kind of work, it turns out. I sent them an email that said I never get the emails they're supposed to send me, and now I get them. It would be nice if I could get the updates a few times a day, since mostly I already knew about the updates they're sending me via other channels, but it's a work in progress. I also read about something today called pageflakes.com, so I'm looking into that too, and blogrolling. So that's my Mother's Day present, tinkering with bloggy stuff.

Maybe I can catch an hour's nap here ..

watching Still Standing :: entry #006/1458

The Next Day

[copied from dland]

Again, thanks for the neat birthday wishes and ecards and stuff.

We just got back from dinner out at a vegan Chinese restaurant in the small city where R lives. Very nice, and I've got plenty of Crispy Tofu for tomorrow. The sauce was delish.

So I continue to sleep a lot -- unusual for me -- and yet I am dragging myself around, exhausted. I got out of bed this morning at 8, an unheard of hour; I'd rather be in Target at 7 -- and by 11, I was leaving the supermarket and wondering if I had the energy to get to my car. I thought I'd close my eyes for a while when I got home, but the phone kept ringing. I did improve somewhat through the day, but I'm getting ready to crash again.

My knee is hurting me today, not where it was actually broken, but in the spot I felt the "pop" when it first happened. (The bone was fractured in the center, but the pain is on the side.) Since I know the bone is healed (which I know because it doesn't hurt every day, just sometimes) I am going to have to assume that this is something I just have to live with. Going to the gym is probably good for it, and I need to make myself go more often. I so love it there and feel good about being there and what I'm doing, I just can't get up the energy to go do it often enough. I'm shooting for tomorrow morning.

I also need to get better about using eye drops. In one of my recent searches for more hearing aid information, I came across the message boards for the Acoustic Neuroma Association, which I've seen before but haven't participated in for years. Once again, I do see how lucky I am, as many of these people were left with impairments far worse than mine. But others, it seems, had doctors who knew what they were doing beyond the surgery; mine did not. My surgery went very well, but it never occurred to him that physical therapy might help my facial paralysis, and that there were other treatments for my paralyzed eyelid. Even so, there was a board talking about dry-eye and they're right, eye drops often are the answer and I must do it. I was also curious to see that there are AN people exploring the use of Botox to help with some of the facial paralysis, which is interesting; apparently it has been helpful to some Bell's Palsy patients. Maybe I'll see what the new doctor has to say. It might do something for that spot over my right eyebrow that's kind of frozen in a down position, so unless I can relax my face 100% -- try that sometime -- I have a bit of a permanent scowl look. Wouldn't mind getting rid of that. The hope is that freezing the damaged muscle in a relaxed position, which the Botox does, will give the nearby muscles a chance to try to work normally so that when the Botox wears off in time the problem doesn't come back. I'm sure I'll have to ask a plastic surgeon at some point, but it's an interesting thought.

R was telling us all about her job at dinner, and she seems very happy about it. It looks like a pleasant and good job, and is probably one she can have for life, if she wants it. I already knew that this was a company that keeps employees very long term, but she confirmed it; the others told her that "nobody ever leaves."

K, in the meantime, went to campus today and got her student ID and textbooks, and starts classes on Wednesday. She's on a path, but sometimes it's hard for her to hear about her sister's cool job and all, although she's not actually jealous, as such. But by the time she's her sister's current age, she'll have a good job, too, teaching. It's what she wants, and always has. If she had taken a different route, she'd be teaching today, but you know, you make decisions and you have to deal with the results. She won't regret it in the long run, but she's losing patience with it a bit now, I think. Ah, well. It'll be better once the semester gets underway and she's busy.

Okay, it's the couch for me.


WATCHING SVU :: ENTRY #1347