Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Or more to the point, what day it is. It's like we had a week of Sundays here. It's very disorienting.

So we went to the ILs for Christmas. It was not a big gift year, but it was just right. I hope the MIL decides never to do actual shopping again, and just stuff some cash in envelopes and hand that out. The fun thing this year was that the big gifts were for them, the MIL and the FIL. The kids gave them the portrait they had done at Sears, and on cue, the MIL misted all up. It was really great, she just loved it. And she hadn't had the chance to shop for the FIL, but he had asked his daughter (my SIL) to pick out a nice piece of jewelery, so the MIL got to cry at that too.)

The FIL really looked great, and very healthy. He did lose a ton of weight -- certainly over 100 pounds -- but after a few minutes of thinking that he looked different, he just looked like himself, only smaller. It really gave me a great deal of hope that they will be able to move, hopefully by this summer, to that wonderful community that is much closer to us. If we never have to spend another Christmas on the New Jersey Turnpike or the Garden State Parkway, that will be gift enough for us for the rest of our lives.

Yesterday was a very lazy day for me, although I did do tons of laundry. I finished it today, since K is at work and we're not competing for the machines. It's not all put away, but it is all folded and neatly stacked, which is to say, not sitting in a laundry basket for the next two weeks (a la my last load of laundry.) All I have left to fold and put away are the napkins and tablecloth, which are in the dryer.

I've decided to stop using my notify list; I hope that isn't a problem for all three people who are on it, but I've been posting a lot from my phone lately, and I can't do the list from there. Most people, I think, are using RSS feeders these days. I'll take the button off the page in a bit, but someone actually just asked to join the list, so I'm sorry to say I won't be adding you since I won't be sending out notifies anymore.

My remaining chore for the day is to wrap up leftovers for freezing, so I best get to it before the nap monster takes over completely.

Thanksgiving News

First, I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving, as we did. We assembled this year at the home of Wonderful Niece and her Wonderful Husband, who were delightful hosts, and we all brought food and all of it was kick-ass. My sister sat somewhat in a fog, but she was there. Sitting across the table from her, I could really see that she is not in good shape. She says it's the fibromyalgia that makes her foggy; while I don't doubt that, I have it too and it's just manifesting differently in me. I'm not in a fog, I just have pain, and I'm limited in what I can take for it. She takes meds that eliminate most of the pain, but it's as if she's always moving through molasses. We all need time to work things out, I guess.

The big news, which R shared with us all Friday morning, is that after she and her Gentleman Friend got home from our Thanksgiving dinner, he proposed and gave her a lovely ring, an aquamarine, which she wanted in place of a diamond. My baby is engaged! YAY! WOW! We could not be happier. They're thinking of a wedding next October or November, so we have a long way to go with that, and knowing my kid, it will be non-traditional in many ways. She's already looking at non-traditional wedding gowns. That's my kid, all the way.

My FIL is still in the hospital, although improving, I believe; I think he's now in a room that's the last step before being released to a rehab facility. Even so, it seems that he still thinks he's in charge, and tells them that he won't take certain meds or do certain exercises, and they let him get away with it. In the meantime, yesterday the Hubs and I and his sister and her husband took the MIL to see a new community to consider moving to. It's twenty minutes away from us and fifteen minutes away from them and it is GORGEOUS. I would move there now if I could. I'll go into more detail should they decide to go there, but let me just say that it is perfect in every single way, other than leaving their current friends behind, but this new place is all about community, and the ILs are very social people, so they'll have no trouble making new friends, as they did when they moved to where they are now. I hope hope hope it all works out and they go there. It would be the perfect place for her to be when his time comes, and she's without him.

We were having the most perfect weather, not a bit of cold, all through Thanksgiving night, and then we woke up yesterday to chilly wind and lower temps. It's nasty outside, although it's beautifully sunny today, unlike yesterday. On Thursday, I didn't even throw a jacket over my t-shirt/denim shirt uniform, and I didn't even need it when we left to come home. Today, not so much. I go outside for a minute, and my short, short hair is all standing up, like I'm in a Little Rascals movie and I just stuck my finger in a socket. Not attractive.

Okay, so I'm going to change a wash and see what else is going on. No stores for me this weekend except the supermarket.




watching L/O :: ENTRY #2136
READING: New York by Edward Rutherfurd

Still Spinnning

Actually, lately I've been afloat in a sea of Mad Men, season one last weekend and seasons two and three this weekend just past, mixed in with a visit to the ILs. Good to be with the whole family. Not good to see him declining, very sad.

Perhaps the new meds I'm taking are helping. I had to stop physical therapy last week because the work on my neck triggered some way serious tinnitus, pounding in my head so loud -- not painful, just loud -- that I couldn't keep count of the exercises I was doing. And then the PT said he wouldn't touch me anymore until the doctor cleared it, because that was too weird for him. It's about 2:20 now as I'm writing; I have a meeting after school at the central office (which is to say, not in my school building) and then the doctor at 3:40. After which I'm going to run by Old Navy because I have nothing -- nothing, I tell you -- to wear.

All is well with me and the Sibs, until our next phone call anyway. (Just kidding.) All is well with other family members, as far as I can see (except the above-mentioned FIL.) All is well with therapy, which, thank god for. And lexapro. I like the lexapro.

As for me physically, perhaps the pain is less; it's hard to say. It's at its worst at night, anyway, so for now, mid-afternoon, it's very manageable. My head does seem to be cloudy whenever I sit down to write, although I'm coping well enough with everything else, not bummed, work is good except for the foolishness, which is not quite over, but almost.

Dang. I always think I have a lot to say, but then I put my hands on the keyboard and poof!

Oh, here's something. I've become a total GPS slut. I don't have a GPS as such, but I got an app -- there's an app for that, you know -- that works pretty well. How do I know that, since I rarely go anyplace I haven't already been? By turning on the GPS app when I'm going someplace I have already been. It's funnier that way. You know, the man in the iPhone says "Turn left. Turn left. Turn left." and I say "NO! I know where I'm going!" or some such foolishness. The Hubs and I very much enjoyed the man in the iPhone to and from his folks yesterday, especially each time he said "G - AR - den state PAR - kway." Okay, it's not the same in print. It was funny.

I'm home, it's six, I can go back to physical therapy on Wednesday, and I even got some corduroys at Old Navy. Score.




watching THE GOLDEN GIRLS :: ENTRY #2127
READING: Say You're One of Them by Uwem Akpan
READING: Reading Lolita in Teheran by Azar Nafisi

Random Stuff, Illustrated

We spent the afternoon at the sister-in-law's today, which was very nice, although we all got a good look at my father-in-law's declining state. Which was sad. He's slower, mentally, but it's all still there, it just takes him longer to get it out. The real heartbreak is his almost lack of ability to move around at all. He's in a lot of pain all the time (mostly from his back), and mobility is a serious issue. It took him over a half hour to get up from his chair, down the two steps to where his little scooter was waiting, and then to the car, and in the car. And this was with my mother-in-law and three men helping him. So, sad.

In other random news ...

I have this oddly shaped drawer on my desk that I've been stuffing things into for years, and opened it last night to find something (which wasn't there), but I found all kinds of other treasures. All the "coupons" my kids made me, like "good for one hug", and stuff like that. (When I told them today, K said, "Those things expire, you know.") Cards that I've kept. Odd things, like a traffic ticket I got on my first day of work, so that was February 2, 1977. I can never mock my father again for not throwing anything out. (And ... I also found certificates for trees planted in Israel in memory of my grandfather, who died in 1955, so I clearly got those from my father at some point.) Anyway, I found some pictures.

I'm sharing these with you; I don't think I've shared these before. In a way, they're before and after pictures, although I didn't realize that until I started writing. Here's the first one:


Yes, Virginia, at one time I did have some athletic abilities. Here I am in a faculty softball game, so that would have been the last day of school -- June -- 1980. I was at my lowest adult weight, probably about 108, because I had been sick the summer before and unable to eat, and had never gained it back. Yes, that's me in the Harpo-like curly perm. See me catching the ball and my feet are both off the ground? Can you believe it? And if memory serves, I was probably also about 48 hours pregnant at this point, unconfirmed, of course, because there were no home tests then, but I was already sure.

After.


A week or two before Christmas, 1981. We used to have a holiday tea in the library, and I brought baby R in for the occasion. She was nine months old.

This is, I think, my favorite picture of myself ever. Or, more precisely, it's exactly what my image of myself is. This is what I think I look like, wished I look like, whatever. I loved this haircut. I had lost my baby weight, but kept the extra fifteen pounds I needed to keep after being so skinny, so I guess I was around 123. Oh, and the baby, of course, although this was hardly the best picture of her; she was the most adorably photogenic baby of all time. But I digress.

So there you are. There I am. I'm tired now. Long day.



watching THE SIMPSONS :: ENTRY #2076
READING: ----- by -----

Nice Weekend

It has been a lovely weekend. Yesterday's outing with the girls and the MIL was a success. She enjoyed a delightful day away from concerns about her husband (who was entertained for the day by his son), had lunch at Red Lobster where the FIL won't go, and got to pick out a pretty Vera Bradley bag for herself, all by way of being her birthday present for turning 80 in March. On her way home, R stopped to show her grandmother her little house, and to introduce her to her cat. I supplied the funds, R supplied the driving, and the Hubs supplied the baby-sitting service. A very nice day.

I've had more energy this weekend than I have in a long time. I even did some cleaning, got my laundry put away the same day it was washed, and got to Target to stock up on my personal staples: paper towels, toilet paper, and Tide. My first of the month bills are ready to be mailed on the way to school tomorrow, and I even took a nap.

Four weeks of school to go, and a lot to get done in that time. My clothes are laid out and my lunch is ready.



watching HP AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN :: ENTRY #2056
READING: American Lion: Andrew Jackson by Jon Meacham

Everything is Peaceful and Serene

Christmas is over, all is well. It went pretty smoothly and without stress this year, except for the few things I mentioned yesterday. I got some cute things, and all seemed happy with what I got them. I could go into paragraphs about the ILs, but I'm going to let it go because they're old, which is really the problem. (Oh, maybe a little.)

One of the things we do is that we call them as soon as we get home so they knew we've arrived safely. No problem there. Last night K and R left the ILs about twenty minutes before the Hubs and I did; K had to drop R off at her apartment and then drive the twenty minutes home from there. She pulled into our driveway about twelve seconds before we did. So we get inside, the Hubs calls his father, who says he's been very worried, because he heard from R twenty minutes ago and not K. Because even though he knows it's a twenty minute drive, he's not always thinking that way anymore. I don't think it's dementia of any kind, I just think his neurons don't fire as fast as they used to. But the MIL doesn't seem to get that, and whenever he doesn't get something, she gets very frustrated with him. Oy. They are not going gently, maybe because their own parents died before they got very old and they have no experience with it. Just guessing.

Today was a quiet, slow day. I slept until nine, and then took a three hour nap in the afternoon! In between, K and I went to look at KB Toys to see if there was anything in the closing sale we wanted -- there wasn't -- and I went to K-Mart to look for a video game I want, to get with a gift card I got -- they didn't have it. And that's it.

I'm looking forward to a nice week off. I have a haircut scheduled and one doctor's appointment, and on Sunday, the girls and I are having brunch with the Sibs and Wonderful Niece.

I hope everybody had a good holiday or day off or whatever it was for you --

WATCHING WIFE SWAP :: ENTRY #1948
READING: ????? by ?????

F Your A

Hmm ... not quite right. I've picked up, via R, her boss's habit of saying F Your I, instead of FYI, or for your information. But this is more for your amusement. Or mine. Or it's not funny at all.

When I was ranting about the ILs the other day, I forgot this part. Every year since 1981, the MIL asks me what the girls want for Christmas, and this year is no exception. For the last ten years or so, I send them links from the girls' Amazon wish lists. They then buy as much or as little as they want, who cares. This year, after I did that, the FIL decided for some reason that he was not going to buy from Amazon, so the MIL was trying to decode the links to see what the gifts were. (Didn't occur to either of them to click on the link to see what it was.) No Amazon is nothing to him, as he does none of the shopping, so this was a make-work project for the MIL, I guess, who has one barely functioning knee. So, good decision on his part. And then she told me today it turned out she already had enough for them so didn't need my links after all. Uh huh.

He called earlier, told me his entire reason for calling, then asked for the Hubs so he could tell him. The Hubs and I, you may recall, watch TV in separate rooms and he has no phone extension. So I brought him the phone, he talked to his dad, and then brought the phone back to me, saying his mom wanted to talk to me. And when she was done, guess what? Dad wanted to talk to the Hubs again, so it's once more throwing off the blanket, and so on. Hey, guess who's getting real old?

It's about twenty after midnight and I am up as a pup. No reason, except the sore neck does make it hard to find a comfy position. I've texted with R, who is currently between flights in Salt Lake City. So she's fine, and K is staying over at R's tonight to keep the cat company (or to get away from me, either way) and I really want to sleeeeeep because my alarm is going to ring in five hours and twenty minutes.

Hey, maybe I just couldn't sleep because I knew I hadn't posted today and that you would miss me so. Well, this was it. I'm going to try to sleep again.


WATCHING MERMAID GIRL :: ENTRY #1938
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

So Here's What I'm Thinking

I'm thinking, at just this moment, that I have put in my time with the elderly, and it's not my turn anymore. In other words, I love the ILs, but I'm tired of being on the front line. Which is to say, I am the only one here who answers the phone (unless I'm not home), and I'm tired of being the greeter. (I wouldn't mind getting out of Christmas again this year either, but I'm not willing to take last year's drastic measures, you know, developing a chronic gut disease.)

The ILs are cheerful to a bizarre degree. I can't imagine how either one of them would deal with a real crisis; I don't know if I've ever seen them faced with one. Every phone call begins with a cheery anecdote or an amusing question. (This is why I never take their call-waiting beeps; they launch into their conversation before I can say "I'm on another call; can I call you right back?") Or a stupid question. Such as the one that prompted this entry.

The phone rang at 7:02 and I see it's the ILs from the caller ID. It's the FIL, asking if R's flight is delayed because of the weather (it's pouring), and what have we heard from her?

Well, her flight was scheduled to take off at 6:55, and I was just checking the website where I saw it was delayed. At this point, it was delayed by seven minutes. I explained to him that I didn't know any more than he did, and she was certainly already on the plane anyway and couldn't be calling me. Ah, of course. He chuckled another amusing question for the Hubs and I brought the phone to him in the other room.

In this family, nothing goes wrong, because the Hubs and his mother keep everything inside so no one could tell, and the FIL and the Hubs' sister let everything roll off their backs so nothing bothers them.

I'm just ready to be done with that. Not that I want anything to happen to them, I just wish I wasn't always the front line. I wonder how we can convince them to start calling the Hubs' cell phone number?

So the closet is all done and pretty, R is, at the very least, at the airport (I talked to her after she went through security), and K had the adventure of stopping at R's apartment before class to leave her computer there for later and coming out to find a flat tire on her car (AAA came and fixed it) and then the engine light on when she left for class.

So I'm also thinking: when do I get to be old? When do I get to stop putting out other people's fires?

Okay, I checked again. Her flight took off at 6:59, which means they're already over the clouds and out of the rain. So that's good.

I'm not really in a bitchy mood at the moment, but the phone call pissed me off. The other night, the FIL called at nine fucking thirty, and started off with "Is this too late?" and I said "Wha ... ?" If any phone call after nine means death to me, then certainly a late phone call with their caller ID means certain death. (Which is why his voice confused me, other than that I was already asleep: once I had my glasses on and saw the ID, I was sure it was the MIL calling with bad news.)

Hey, as long as I'm bitching, last night I re-read F. Scott Fitzgerald's short story "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," which I read long ago and loved, and I have to ask: what story is this movie based on? Other than the central device, that of a baby who is born old and ages backward, nothing is the same. In the story, the baby is born as literally an old man, not a baby with an old man's head. In the story, which is very good, the father enters the hospital nursery to see a full grown 70 year old man sitting stuffed into a crib. And it starts in 1860. I had thought I would see the movie despite my lack of interest in Brad Pitt, but now I really won't need to see it at all.

And as long as I'm asking for the impossible, I'd like the rain to stop now, please. Unless it's going to turn into snow, in which case it could keep raining instead. Or something.

WATCHING TWO AND A HALF MEN :: ENTRY #1936
READING: How to be Good by Nick Hornby

Did Everybody Have a Nice Day?

I hope you all had the day you wanted. I had, basically, the day I've always wanted: Thanksgiving without aggravation. Yes, the pumpkin pie was awful, but the Hubs ate a piece anyway, and I made two nice ones this morning.

I had pumpkin bread for breakfast, toasted, with butter on it. We went to the Hubs' aunt and uncle's for lunch, and had the world's best leftovers, because Aunt is the world's best cook, still, at nearly 80. The pumpkin pie I had there was excellent, and was made by her 17 year old granddaughter, so I'll have to see later how mine stacks up. Right now, I've got a plate of veggies (mostly gone(, cornbread stuffing (never had that before, Niece tried it out), and sweet potato/marshmallow thing (saved for last.) I have my sister's rice pudding in the fridge for dessert (a little vanilla soy milk on that should be delish), and of course, for when I get peckish in an hour or two, pie.

***sigh***

(I'm eating a brussels sprout now. Pray for me. I love the sprouts, but I think they will not be good for my situation. We shall see.)

So I had a lovely two days, although the oddness of the ILs was in the air this morning, but I know it's that they're getting old. Without details, they change plans and assume that everyone else is cool with that, has no other plans, no other life. Partly, this is because the FIL was a chief executive-type, and this is indeed what they assume, and partly because they're old and they forget. The MIL told me today she's going to have to have a knee replacement, and although the surgery doesn't scare her at all, she teared up at the thought of not being there to look after the FIL every minute. He is much less mobile and much more dependent on others. I can see why she's worried. If she waits until summer to have it done -- she has no timeframe yet -- we can all pitch in, but if she has it sooner than that, I think their one grandson, who is out of college but not settled into a good job in his field yet (although he works) may have to go live with the old gentleman while she's in rehab.

I didn't sleep well again last night but was at least able to sleep until 8:00. When I got up I was too tired and sore to move, let alone exercise, but I did a little this afternoon when I was showing the whole thing to my sister. K's been relaxing with the Guitar Hero for the last hour or more before starting on a project for school, so I guess I'll get another shot at it when she stops to eat and get to work.

My mission for the weekend is to pack up leftovers in lunch portions so I can just grab them in the morning and go. I'm not going near a store unless I can get to Target really early on Sunday; I have a few things to return.



WATCHING K Playing Guitar Hero :: ENTRY #1922
READING: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

It's Frightful

The weather, I mean. Outside. It's frightful. Actually, it's kind of apocalyptic; everything is blowing around and shaking and the rain is hitting the house hard, and I really do wish that K didn't have class tonight, y'know?

Anyway. Yesterday at the SIL's was really very pleasant. Nephew who rarely speaks became quite talkative, an unusual treat for us. He was showing me his resume and the packet he just sent out to 40 (!) companies to find a job, telling us about his work, and so on. A very nice day.

This morning was terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad etc. etc., but I got over it. Yes, it was the Martian again, but once I decided not to care (and my headache went away) I was much better. I also saw the dentist this afternoon for the toothache that suddenly developed Saturday night, but no action on that yet. He thinks it's an injury and should be better in a couple of days, and if not, I have to call him to get a new filling or whatever. I am never having root canal again (so I claim today, but it may become the best option), so we shall see.

Six more mornings to get up, but I have all kinds of stuff packed into my afternoons. Tomorrow we have to get an estimate to fix K's car, and then I have physical therapy for my shoulder -- no, I moved that to Wednesday -- and Resnick on Thursday because I'm pretty sure this is a flare, and therapy on Friday, by which time I will really, really need some.

Oh, crackle. (Not snap.) Doncha just hate it when the lightning makes your hearing aids crackle? Oh wait ...

WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1782

Feeling A Bit Crohnish

Ah, me. Not a terrible day, nothing like I was during that month this past winter that I always refer to as When I Was Sick (as if it's the only sickness I've ever experienced), but enough to take note of. That week of eating quinoa and beans for lunch did me in. And you know, when I write it out like that, I want to say "Quinoa and beans? How stupid actually am I?" Ah, me.

Earlier today, the empress wrote a bit about the upcoming election and reminding us that we are all friends here. I think it was a good thing to write, probably especially for me, since I tend to go off on political rants (although never politically on a diary buddy that I can recall.) Anyway, despite my reputation at work as the screaming liberal on the staff -- and I was sure surprised when I found that out a couple of years ago, as in Who, me? -- I don't see myself ranting much in the months to come. Unlike a variety of candidates in the past, I don't have any problems with John McCain that would bring me to rant level. I don't agree with him on several things, but that's part of the process; otherwise, I don't dislike him and I'm not repulsed by him in any way (see 1968 Richard Nixon for that). No problems unless, as I've said, he picks Huckabee or a Huckabee clone as his running mate. So now we each pick our candidate and life goes on, and we can all get along.

There's a heat wave, a tropical heat wave, sweeping by us here. It's about 6.30 pm now and 98 degrees. It's going to stay with us through Wednesday, we hear. I've already been told that for one reason or another, the library's computer lab, where the temperature is a constant balmy 60, maybe, is being commandeered for use by a boy who must have air conditioning for a medical condition -- don't ask -- and they don't think the room air conditioners in his classrooms can meet the need, so all of us classes are being re-routed to us for the first few days of the coming week. I must say, that's a new one on me.

I got a call this morning from the SIL inviting us to a barbecue next Sunday, which is Father's Day, the day after her son's birthday, and also a celebration of his recent college graduation. Boy, you'd think after all this time she'd know that her brother and I are recluses, not to mention it's Father's Day for him, too, and maybe he'd rather not spend it with her goofy in-laws. Anyway, it's his family so it's his decision. The girls want to go if their grandparents are coming up for it, and I can't blame them for that. Having lost my parents, they are very keenly aware that every moment they spend with their other grandparents is a gift. They will pretty much go anywhere or do anything for them because, as each of them has said, what wouldn't they give to be able to spend an hour with Jack or Shirl? Sometimes they're very good kids.

And there I am. I starting reading something by David Sedaris the other day; I don't know how I managed to miss him so far. It's like reading my own writing, if I had been raised as a gay boy in a family of sisters in the south. Must try to get my hands on Me Talk Pretty One Day, which I think is his first and best known one.

And there you have me. I bought no make-up. I have finished my Chinese food, and frozen yogurt awaits.


WATCHING Y9OUNG FRANKENSTEIN :: ENTRY #1774

VaCaDay Last *sob*

Yes, it's back to work tomorrow, and as if to remind me, today is a raw, gray day. This past week has been spectacular, weather-wise, and although I'm not much of an outdoor person, I enjoyed every minute of it.

I never got around to writing yesterday. R came by after lunch and stayed through dinner, and then K and I watched The Goblet of Fire on TV, which prompted me to watch The Order of the Phoenix today. I watched some other strange things that happened to be on, I think two movies yesterday and one today, but I don't remember what they are. Hmm.

Earlier today, on our way to Target, K said something about now when I get stressed she's going to tell me to read my new tattoo and remember what it means. (What will be, will be.) Uh ... yes. That's one of the reasons I got, I told her, so that I would always see it and remember that things are just going to happen and I can't let myself get crazy over it. Yes, it's my tattoo. I picked it. I get it.

She is just the happiest little clam these days (despite a three-day stomach ache) over the new car coming on Tuesday. I just hope nothing happens to mess up the deal; I'm always afraid of something happening to mess up something good that's coming. She's out now for a drive, saying an extended farewell to her old car. It's a 1995 Chevy that she's had for seven years; it has well over 100k miles on it. Won't be missed, certainly by me, and I think not for long by her either.

Next Sunday we will be going to the ILs for the FIL's 80th birthday party. I talked to the SIL this morning (who just got back from DisneyWorld, yay for her!) and we discussed the gifts to get him. Oh yes, excellent gifts are expected, apparently. He would like a GPS system and a DVD recorder. Well, okay, love of gadgets and toys are something he and I have in common. But seriously. A GPS system? He can't drive anymore and he never goes anywhere. The DVD recorder I can see, a little -- I picked one up for him at Target this morning -- but it will take until his 90th birthday for him to figure out how to use it. (He was once incredibly slick with this kind of stuff.) I've got more to rant on with him, but I'll pass for today. He really is a sweetheart, and I'm very, very fond of him, but sometimes he could drive a person crazy. Hey, my own parents drove me crazy and I loved them a lot. So I guess I shouldn't complain (although you know I will.)

It's not going back to school I mind, as such, but I don't relish the thought of an alarm at 5.30 am -- ooh, gotta set that alarm -- and all the steps involved in getting myself out of the house. I took all that stuff at a very easy pace this week. As it is, I've already laid out my clothes and taken out my lunch bag, and gotten the coffee pot ready. I have a very busy day tomorrow: five classes starting my website/autobiography project, and I'm looking forward to that. I threw together another example for them last night, which I'll share with you when I work the bugs out of it. Basically, I realized that I connect to history with my choice of tattoos and what each one stands for, so that's it, but I don't have FrontPage on my Mac (my webpage authoring software of choice) so I had to use Word, and the pages don't link together properly. I did check the HTML and it looks right, it just doesn't work. Anyway, I have it on a flash drive and I think my first class isn't until second period, so I should get a chance to fix it and upload it.

Speaking of birthdays, my sister's 60th is coming up in a few weeks. (I keep seeing commercials on TV for people to visit Israel, to celebrate Israel's 60th birthday. Same day, same birthday. They heard Ben-Gurion's announcement of Israeli independence on the day my sister was born.) Anyway, I'm working on a little celebration for her, one that doesn't involve everyone in the free world, since her family has grown huge in the last few years between step-children and children's spouses. She also just recently woke up and realized -- hello -- that it's possible for a person to own DVDs -- is she really my sister? -- so I'm thinking about the big set of Rogers and Hammerstein musicals, but I have to make sure Wonderful Niece hasn't already gotten it.

Oh, okay, I guess I'm going to go watch Thursday's Lost now. Again. I hate it being on at 10. I'm not sure if I'm alert enough at that hour to catch everything.

WATCHING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC :: ENTRY #1739

Yet Another Nice One

I just love days that aren't packed with stress, and when stuff seems to work out nicely.

Top of the list today, I guess, is that the therapist called me back and I have an appointment for Thursday. I had a nice long talk with OldFriend last night, which is always very good for me and I think for her too, and she was advising me on alternate plans if the therapist didn't call. Well, she did, and apologized for not calling earlier, but she herself started chemo this week (first stage breast cancer) and asked if that would be a problem for me. No. It's not. In fact, it's not at all. I would feel like a shit if I told her Oh no, you have cancer so don't waste my time, or you know, if I gave her that impression. She wants to keep her life going and work, that's aces with me. So, Thursday. I must call OldFriend later and tell her.

I sorted out a few dresser drawers this morning and put away my sweaters. I wore almost no sweaters this winter because it was always so frickin hot in the library. I don't even know why I bothered to take them out, except last winter it was mostly freezing there. Can't win. Anyway, now I have room to do a good job on the hanging stuff in my closet, which I'll do tomorrow. Or today after the in-laws leave.

Yes, into each life some in-laws must fall. My only real issue with them, I guess, is that our pace of life is very different and dealing with them raises a bit of a frustration level in me. Here's today's story: the FIL's sister, who is the aunt I so adore, has a baby great-granddaughter having a first birthday party today. (Oh, now here's the irony: the ILs have just arrived. I'll finish this later.)

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Okay, so they were coming up from Old-People-At-the-Shore Land to come to this birthday party, and said they might stop by either before or after. "But don't change your plans." Which means, we expect everyone to be there when we get there, although we have no idea when that will be. So they did come, after the party, and then what we do is, we sit. We all sit in one room and visit, and no one does anything else when they're here. (This is also what we do when we go to their house.) The FIL has so much trouble walking that it terrifies me to see him come up the three or four steps into my house, and then totter around. (He has nasty orthopedic issues.)

So anyway, they were here, they're gone, and R managed to get out of work early and came by as well. She and K are out shopping now, and we have plans, the three of us, to go -- where else? -- Target tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, after the old folks (and the young folks) left, I moved onto the next stage of my closet. I still have to weed out stuff I don't wear, but everything is neat and accessible now. I have to get more hangers tomorrow morning.

I was going to tell you all about the woodpeckers, with pictures and everything. Maybe tomorrow.

WATCHING THE ADDAMS FAMILY MOVIE :: ENTRY #1725

"Counting the Cars ... "

" ... on the New Jersey Turnpike; they've all come to look for America ... " (America, by Paul Simon)

Guess where we spent our holiday?

Really, it wasn't as bad as all day on the Turnpike and/or Garden State Parkway, just under two hours each way. Which is plenty. I just don't like going, although I'll admit this wasn't as bad as it could have been.

You see, I like the people I'm with, I like the restaurant we go to, I like the food. It's the whole experience I don't care for. Part of this, I think, is that the people in charge of the party -- the MIL and the FIL -- do not have the same sense of time that I have, because a) they just don't, and b) they are old. They are getting older faster, if you know what I mean. He doesn't hear well, which, okay, but she has a soft voice, and when she calls to him to do something it sounds kind of like tom and when he doesn't answer, she gets pissed off, and the next try is more like TOM! And he was always laid back, but now he moves so slowly that it's like he's moving backwards. To wit:

The reservation was for 3:30, which is exactly when we all got to the restaurant, all except my nephew, who had to work late and was meeting us there. He arrived at four. At which time, the ILs thought it was okay to order appetizers. We didn't even order our dinners until 4:30! Who's crazy here; is it me? You order your meal an hour after you arrive? The wait staff was totally going at our pace; they are very, very nice there and know the ILs well because they go there all the time. I felt like I was jumping out of my skin and wanted to scream "Let's move it, people!" which of course I did not. The SIL, mother of the delayed nephew, was trying to gently encourage her parents to order, but they wanted to wait for the kid. Who is a nice kid, btw, now that he's an adult and speaks to us. (He was always polite but simply never engaged in conversation from the age of ten or so.) He's a good looking boy, graduating from college in May, and is a good kid. Helped his grandfather to the men's room without being asked. (The FIL has a lot of trouble walking.)

And we get to do it all again in May, since we will be celebrating the FIL's 80th birthday. The Hubs and I will drive the FIL's sister and her husband down with us; our girls will go in their own car, as they did today.

Speaking of the Aunt and Uncle, whom I have mentioned before, the Hubs and I visited them yesterday pre-Easter (and to pick up the Easter Pie, a family and world-renowned delicacy made by the Aunt), and once again, let me say that these are two of my favorite people in the world. They have been married 56 years, and are funny as hell, like a comedy team, and they are loaded with the Black Humor, which I thought only came from my side of the family. I heart them totally.

So one of the reasons my girls like to go in a separate car is that their father has been known to freak out on the ride home. On one notable occasion, the traffic irked him so much he announced that he was going to drive the car into a wall and kill us all. So you can see that this troubles them a bit. He's a very good driver, but he has a habit of following the car in front of us too closely for my comfort, so it's not usually pleasant for me, either. And today I saw him consume a fair amount of wine, so I assumed I'd be driving home. But he drove, and damn if he isn't a better driver with wine in him than without. (He didn't drive back to his folks' house from the restaurant, I did, so he did wait some time after his last glass and getting behind the wheel.) As for me, anyone driving on the same day as having consumed alcohol is too much, but honestly, I had no stressful moments on the whole ride, and the traffic never bothered him, such as it was.

So now I'm just waiting for K to get back from dropping off R, and for John Adams to start on TV. And work tomorrow, oh boy.


WATCHING waiting for JOHN ADAMS :: ENTRY #1708

Keepin' On

So it's a day to day thing. I was up at 3 am this morning feeling not so great, but that's how it goes, so okay. This left me pretty tired most of the day, but at about 2.00, I suddenly felt just fine, so K took me on a short supermarket trip. I felt like I was in wonderland, and actually said aloud, with awe, "Hey! I'm in a supermarket!"

I got more phone calls and stuff done today, and got that TV picked up. It cost a little more than I wanted to pay, but hey. It took two guys in their 20s to get it out. So if the Hubs' manly pride and not being given the opportunity to do it himself is ruffled, screw it. It would have killed him, and then who would take me to the hospital when I need to go? When I thank him for doing stuff like that he shrugs and says "It's my job." Yeah, well, it's my job to look after him, too.

The hard job has been finding someone to donate all that food to, but someone who will come and pick it up. I think I've finally got it down to a local church, but the person who runs their food pantry wasn't in today and I have to call back on Monday. I called several places. But I know the church has an active group of volunteers; one is a retired custodian from my school and he would just do it if I called him, but I'll avoid that if I can; he's a little odd and slow, although very sweet. Hey, he's probably the guy they'll send to get it, but I'd rather not call him myself.

Another thing going on that's worth a mention is how my mother and and father in law have reacted to my whole illness. You may recall that I was miffed with them a few years back because neither of them ever said a word to me when my father died, which was very odd and hard for me to deal with. Well. Since I've been ill, they have called every single day, talking to the Hubs when I couldn't talk, but to me since I can. I am very touched by the sincerity of their feelings for me here (and have said so to them -- not that I'm moved by their sincerity, but that I'm so grateful for their daily calls and and concern.) It's really wonderful; it's a real parent-like behavior that I have frankly craved. I have been missing my parents terribly throughout this whole thing, the capable and strong parents they were before they became ill themselves. Truly, I was blessed to have them, and blessed to know it, too.

Okay, now I'm all misty, so I'll just post this and maybe have another bologna sandwich. I also picked up some soy-based pudding and cheese slices, and tofutti ice cream, so that can vary my diet a little.

Big day tomorrow.


WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS :: ENTRY #1658

Still Not Dead

My weekend started to go downhill Saturday at 9.00 pm.

Let me back track a bit. Around 6.00, I got involved in this crazy iTunes project. K was engrossed in her computer and I asked her what she doing. She said she was going through her music and making sure that every song had an album title listed for it. Well, that sounded like something to do to me, so I started working on mine. Since a lot of my music is the stuff I heard on the radio in the early sixties, many of them were released as singles but never on albums. I must have gotten them from compilation albums. Anyway, it took me a long time.

At 9.00, I reached for my night-time pills, which I take at 9.00 every night. I have two of those pill containers that have a little compartment for each day, and that you fill at the beginning of the week. Because I am that old. The morning pills are in a green container and the night-time pills are in a white. And Saturday night, I reached somehow for the green container and took my morning pills for the second time that day instead of the white container that I should have taken.

And now the fun began. Instead of taking my night pills on top of everything, I carefully selected which ones I needed that wouldn't duplicate or interact with the ones I just took by mistake. The upshot was that I had taken my blood pressure meds twice in one day, and did not take the stuff that usually helps me sleep at night.

It was one of the worst night's sleep I ever had, if you can call that sleep. I was awake a lot, and when I slept, I had nightmares. I would wake myself up; at one point I was afraid to go back to sleep. When I finally did fall asleep, the nightmare continued from where it left off.

It was as if everything and everyone I had seen or thought of in the last week was in these dreams. The only good part was that my mother was in an early part, before it turned scary, and my father was in the last part, after it was okay. I like seeing them in my dreams. But otherwise, it was very creepy, and I was groggy and out of it all day.

But it was Birthday Fucking Sunday yesterday! Time to drive down the Parkway and have a day that I can never get back. Here's how that went down:

We were scheduled to meet the ILs at a restaurant near them that we've been going to (because it's too hard for her to cook and serve anymore). We hopped into my new car and off we went. I hoped to sleep in the car, but I just couldn't fall asleep.

I have become THE WORLD'S WORST PASSENGER. I think this is a combination of my natural tendencies, which I've always been able to keep in check, the few accidents I had two years ago where I was hit three times in three months, and yesterday's lack of sleep and bad dreams, which left me very on edge all day. Anyway, I was really trying to control it, but I guess I didn't do very well. You know how it is when you're driving, and you're passenger keeps wincing, or grabbing for the armrest, or stepping on an imaginary brake? Yeah, that was me yesterday. If I had been driving, I would have reached over and smacked me in the head.

And my stomach was upset, so by the time we arrived, I was a nervous wreck with a serious bathroom need. The restaurant was empty at that hour, but the music was very loud. It's an Italian restaurant which was very creatively playing Frank Sinatra, and then Tony Bennett all day. The music was lovely, but it was all that I could hear.

I was eating carefully, given my situation. What I got was Chilean Sea Bass, and although I can't tell you exactly how it was prepared -- it seemed to be in a Française sauce, which I love -- it was among the best meals I've ever had in my life. This was melt-in-your-mouth unbelievably delicious, and I even had the self-control not to stuff myself with the whole thing, but to bring half home.

After dinner, we went to the ILs house, about 15 minutes away. I have to tell you: if I ever become that slow, they have to put me away. I don't mean mentally slow, because they're both fine. They do everything slowly. The FIL has been this way for some time; it's his nature to be laid back. But this is insane. And they never have any sense of all the rest of us needing to make a long drive home, and would keep us there for hours and hours and hours, just to visit. (The SIL's family has to drive at least a half hour farther than we do, more when they pick up or drop off their son, whose college is a half-hour away from the ILs, but not on the way.)

Part of the ritual at the house is the giving of the birthday gifts. This is something else that she can stop doing. It's hard for her -- she has bad knees -- and she gets weird things. It would be better for her to go to the supermarket and get us each gift cards, if she felt the need to give something. And if there were no gifts, we would be just as happy.

The Hubs, his sister, and her Hubs all have September birthdays, and I have given the MIL permission to celebrate my birthday in September, too. She gave the Hubs a Civil War book, but it's like a Civil War encyclopedia for a high school level. He could write that. She gave me a lovely -- I guess -- necklace from Chico's, which is very sweet of her because now she knows it's my store, but it's not something I would wear. R's eyes lit up though, when I opened the box, so I gave it to her when we got home.

We finally left at 7.30. Who were all these people who were sure that there would be no traffic because it was only the Sunday of Labor Day weekend? I was not one of them. But get this: R drove home, and K sat in the front with her. THIS WAS THE BEST. I am a much better passenger in the back seat because I can't see what's going on out the front, and it was a very pleasant ride, despite the traffic. R doesn't get freaked by traffic like the Hubs does, although with his new personality, maybe he won't, either.

We got home at 9.00, I took the right pills, and got back to iTunes. I had finished the album-name project the night before, and was now making sure that all the songs on the same album show up that way. I don't know why they don't, so that there are two identical album names and cover art, but each one has half the songs on it, but it's fixable if you have the time and the mental problem. So I'm most of the way through that, and then I'll see if I can locate the missing album art for those that need it. (I have a desktop widget that does that.)

And here's something I don't get to say often: I SLEPT WELL LAST NIGHT. Wow, is this what it feels like? I woke up alert and not groggy, and not sore or achy anywhere. Most days I get out of bed like a little old person shuffling along, and everything hurts, from the soles of my feet on up. I've only been up for an hour, but so far, pretty good.

I need to go grocery shopping today and otherwise get ready to *cry* go back to work tomorrow. Tomorrow is a day of stupid meetings, and there is a keynote speaker. They never get it. Nobody wants to hear a keynote speaker on our first day back to work. We want to get to our rooms and get started. If there's time tomorrow, I will speak to the staff for a few moments; I'm on the agenda, but last year, the principal canceled all the high-school only remarks because the damn speaker took so long at the district meeting. At least this time, I've met with the principal and I'm clear on what to say, and I'm prepared if the meeting is canceled. On Wednesday morning, I will speak for a few minutes to the freshmen at their orientation assembly. I expect to be very busy for the next month or two, at least. Busy is good.

And maybe a Target run today, as I have something to return and there was something in the flyer I wanted to look at, although I don't remember what it was.

Okay, I'm diving back into iTunes for a little bit, and then all the rest of my tasks. Hope your long weekend is a good one.

WATCHING THE TODAY SHOW :: ENTRY #1573

First Time for Everything

The MIL called a few minutes ago, and after talking about the weather for a few minutes, she asked how we were coping with the loss of the cat. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I believe that this is the first time in the 30+ years that I have known her that she has ever initiated a conversation about something sad. I was almost too surprised to answer, but I did, and we shared the experience of being catless for several minutes. (She lost her last one maybe five years ago, after a lifetime of always having a cat, and made what I think was a sound decision not to get another one. She's got a full-time job on her hands looking after her husband.)

Slight change of reading plans, not that anyone cares, but this is a diary, after all. I'm reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, by Michael Chabon, which apparently won a Pulitzer Prize -- it's got a gold medallion thingy on the cover that says "Winner of the Pulitzer Prize", so there you go -- and I really don't know how I missed this one until now. It's a novel, but it's essentially the story of two Jewish boys in the 1930s, one of them a refugee from Nazi Europe, who create a comic-book superhero. Hmmm, where have I heard that before? You know, I could make a list of the things that have obsessed me in my life, like Star Trek and Harry Potter and the Beatles, but Superman would have to be at the top of my list, either chronologically or in order of importance. Superman occupied my consciousness from the ages of 7 to 17, and I have long known the story of Joe Schuster and Jerry Siegel and their creation of the prototype of the superhero. Anyway, the book looks good so far; I'll let you know how it turns out.

I have my few errands set for tomorrow morning, and my list of questions for the genius at the Apple Store. One of the things I've never quite found on the Mac is the little application that was called Character Map in Windows. I read a tantalizing little article the other day that tells me where to find something comparable in Office and other programs, but that it doesn't exist as a standalone app. What I want to know is, how can I put an accented character here, in Blogger? That's just one question; another funny thing is that I was told when I bought the machine that I never need to defrag, that they'll take care of that at the yearly tune-up. Cute, but I don't want to leave the machine there for 24 hours for the yearly tune-up, so they need to show me how to do what maintenance I need to do. And a few more things here and there.

I've got me a bit of a headache now, so I'm going to take something and go read some.

WATCHING NEWS :: ENTRY #1551

And On Sunday ...

well, I didn't rest, as such, at least not anymore than I do on a normal day. I did take a nap, but I do that. I've contemplated my situation here and there, and decided that, among other things, once K starts her class tomorrow, it will feel more like "summer" to me. For the last several years, summer has meant that I am home during the workday by myself. It's one of the things I associate with enjoying my summer, and one of the things I look forward to about retirement. It means that I can just get up and do something or go somewhere, if I feel like it. But when K is around, we tend to do things together, so that means I'm waiting for her to get up to go to the mall, or something like that. So that starts tomorrow.

Also, I did not reach the chiropractor today, and didn't leave a message on his machine, but I will call him in the morning, and if he has an opening maybe I can even see him tomorrow. I actually feel like my back and hips are out of alignment, that's exactly what it feels like. As if everything is not fitting together quite properly.

I expect to hear from the Other Chai this week, which is pretty optimistic on my part, to talk about booking the Disney trip for November. But she is a horrible procrastinator, and so there's a good chance she will not remember to call me this week, or the next, or the one after that. Although if I don't hear from her before we go to Gettysburg, I'll call her when we get back. She said she would be away last week, so I'll give her til then.

My ILs are now making great plans for a family get-together in September, which we do most years because the Hubs and his sister both have September birthdays. This was cool when the ILs lived here in Bizarro Town. The current proposal involves all of us driving down to their place NEAR THE F***ING JERSEY SHORE on the Sunday of Labor Day Weekend. Jeebs. What is wrong with them, really? If I had the space, I would have them all here; it would be waaaaaaaay easier and better than spending Labor Day weekend on the Garden State Parkway. And if they drove up here, the traffic would be going the other way. Maybe we should drive down there at night, stay over, have a birthday breakfast, and drive home by noon. Which would never fly with the SIL; we're lucky she makes it to a 3.00 Christmas dinner on time.

Plans for tomorrow include the chiro, hopefully, and then maybe a start on my summer cleaning, and picking up R from the airport, but that won't be until 9.00 pm or so. And keeping my chins up.

WATCHING VH1 :: ENTRY #1518

And Keeps on Ticking

Well, I finally figured out that the reason I'm in task overdrive mode, and probably the reason I gained two pounds that I can't shake, is the prednisone I'm taking for my non-hearing business. I have a list of things to do here beside me that I keep crossing off and adding to, and I went on one little errand this morning that blossomed into me power-walking through the mall, stopping here and there. It's enough, already. I wish I could just stop. I don't feel like, as my sister asked, I'm jumping out of my skin. Just like I keep finding more and more to do. When I was on the phone with her before, I was also walking around the room dusting. I know! So know you know the gravity of the situation.

I won't list for you all the things I did today because frankly, if I read it over next week, it'll probably scare me. (Just kidding.) Let's see where things are, then.

It's Saturday, so it's not a countdown day. I managed to stay in bed until 7.00 this morning, and I am so looking forward to when I can set my own sleep and wake-up times and move at a comfortable pace in the morning. That would be ... June 22, I guess. I do have those two workshop days the following week, but they probably won't start until 9.00, which is the shank of the day for me.

I've been putting the new hearing aids through their paces, as best I can, at least until the hearing problem cropped up again a few hours ago (but seems better now.) So far, they seem very good, but I'm reserving final judgment for at least a week. But one of the things on my list was to check them out with headphones on, and I know some of the music I've had trouble with (hearing both channels of the stereo), so that's what I put on, and oh .... it was just lovely. Walking around the house with the Beach Boys in my head ... I was so happy, just like that. I don't dance, you know, not like any kind of actual dance and not in public or anything, but when I'm alone and the music is loud enough and comes through clear, it's just joy, and I move like a goon and that's okay. Sometimes, hearing can be fun.

So here's a thought: I can't move my dland archives to blogspot, but maybe I can open another account at wordpress and move them there? To protect them? It's not like I think I wrote gold or anything, and I do have a backup, but I like to reference old entries sometimes, and I could just like there from here. Just thinking.

Toes with the Sibs tomorrow, and then the Great TV Migration, Phase Two, takes place. You may recall that R and I swapped TV's, but mine was too big for her place so I got her a new one and now I have to bring the other one back. Tomorrow, she and I will hustle that one down from the third floor and into my car, and then it sits on my living room floor. However. K got a game system today -- it's a Super Nintendo, don't laugh; long story -- that does not appear to work with the TV in her room upstairs. So perhaps we will be carrying the big black monster TV up there after all, but I'll have the sense to test the game thing on it before we take that trip. Either way, we'll have a spare TV in the house somewhere, big or small, depending on who wants what where. I'm just hoping I don't have a monster TV on my living room floor all summer. (Oh wait, I'll just take more prednisone and then I can move it anywhere I want. In the middle of the night. When I'm not sleeping, and have extra energy.)

NEWS FLASH FROM THE WEIRD PEOPLE ARE STILL WEIRD DEPARTMENT:

I just stopped typing for a few minutes when the MIL called and we chatted. The ILs, whom I love and am fond of, are still at the top of the "I just don't get it" list. So we're chatting, as we do, and I tell her nonsense about R has been decorating her place and K has been subbing and so on, and then she says, matter-of-factly, "Oh, we had a bit of excitement the other day" and proceeds to tell me that on Wednesday, she and the FIL were doing an errand, and he tripped in the parking lot and fell on his face. But he's okay.

WTF? And may I repeat: WHAT THE FUCK?

Lately, I am surrounded by stories of people I don't get, but this is my new favorite. Let's see. 79 year old, 350 pound man who walks with a cane and severe limp, falls in a parking lot, and neither he nor the missus thinks "Hey! Maybe we oughta call our son and tell him what happened!" Nooooo. Now she said that fortunately, three men rushed out of the store and helped him up, and that he was okay although his face was bruised, but they didn't go to the emergency room because he felt fine. (Let me just say that if no help had arrived, she would have had to call 911 just to pick him up, and then he would have gone to the hospital.) Well. For one, he wouldn't even know if his hip were broken, and his right hip ain't breaking anytime soon because it's titanium. For another, I can't see him breaking a rib because no pavement is finding his ribs under all that (although he could have hit a parking space barrier wrong, I guess.) For three, when people fall, especially elderly people, it's the internal damage you have to worry about. For the record, my mother died of cancer, but what she died of that day was that she fell the night before and she bled to death internally from injuries that weren't found until she finally agreed to go the emergency room the next morning. Oh, and she broke her elbow, but we didn't know that either. Anyway, here's the plan: if an elderly person falls, take him to the hospital.

Okay, I can pay bills or I can investigate my archive options. Just kidding, you know I'm heading right over to wordpress the minute I post. (And send out my notify! Thanks, one subscriber!)

watching Raymond :: entry #1490

It's. All. Over.

(You have to read the title in Howard Cosell's voice. You know.)

So. The play's final performance has taken place. It was their best, or close to it. The audience loved it, and responded well, and the kids were just terrific. As with each performance, everybody complimented R and talked about it and her, and it was really quite an experience. Several of her college friends were there tonight, and an old high school drama buddy, and of course, her grandparents.

Oh .... yes. They were there. My in-laws. Which is the essence of tonight's entry. And I don't even know where to begin.

Let me say, then, that I believe that I am a compassionate person. I am, I know I am. And let me say that things have begun to take a downward turn with them, and my husband (and maybe his sister too, for all I know) have no fucking clue. It's possible that I can see what's coming because I went through it with my parents. And here's the thing: I am not doing that again.

Okay. My father-in-law is now, I guess, officially handicapped. Whether he's medically designated as that -- he has the tag in his car -- I don't know, but let me tell you, he is handicapped, and his presence handicaps others, particularly his wife. She is his slave, just as my father became my mother's slave. I'm not seeing anything good here.

The FIL is a very big man, and his health problems are all orthopedic, although she hinted tonight at his becoming difficult and argumentative, which is the official Big Bad Sign; he's always been an extremely laid back guy. Used to being in charge, but laid back and relaxed. He can hardly walk, although he can walk, at least a little. Tonight we saw him use his scooter for the first time, and I believe the best word for the situation, and one of my favorites, is clusterfuck. It was such a HUUUUGE project for him to get out of the car, work his way back to the trunk, and then operate the little crane that lifts the thing out. Quite a complicated procedure; I would have thought it was more automated. And of course, it was pouring when we left after the play, and he couldn't see what buttons to push, and it took forever and the winch didn't work, and he finally got it back in the car after we were all drenched.

Anyway, we had no time to shmooze with people in the lobby before the show because we had to get him in through a back door to the stage and into place. Okay. During intermission, the MIL and I went out to the car to get his seat cushion. After the play, we waited for everyone to leave so the stage was clear, and then went out through the back door. I didn't get to see any of the kids after the show and tell them how wonderful it was, and I must say, I was a bit disappointed there. But because of the FIL's issues -- and I'm not talking about the scooter or the difficulty walking -- when he's there, everything surrounds him, and is about him. It's just the way he is. He's very soft spoken and never gives direct orders to anyone, but he is the boss and it's all about him. His biggest issue?

He's old. He was 79 a couple of weeks ago, but it's not the number. It's that he's slowing down and he's losing it. He's been slowing down for a while, but that happens. Personality changes are a really bad sign. And I have no idea how he has managed not to fall. He looks like he's about to fall with every step he takes. And when that happens, it's really gonna suck.

And the MIL. You'll remember that this is where my husband gets his martyr genes from. Whatever it is, she'll take it, she'll do it. She's a stoic and she's strong. Up to a point, eh?

They do not show emotion, these martyrs. Oh, she'll show happy emotions, which is more than her son is willing to do most of the time, but that's another issue. She cannot show weakness. And if she does ... she indicated tonight that the FIL has become cranky, corrects her, yells at her ... it was a 20 second conversation, and it made her cry. She cannot discuss sadness. She either changes the subject or cries, which changes the subject.

Oy.

So. They are officially old. The worst is yet to come. This is going to be a problem in a family that cannot deal with sadness.

I have known that sadness, and I not only dealt with it, my sister and I were immersed in it for years. We breathed it, ate it, slept with it. It took over our lives while we were trying to raise our children and live our lives. It was depleting, and devastating.

I am not doing that again. I am not.

watching The History Channel :: entry #1463