Time to Start Another One

Oh good, another smiley day.

I could review the year here -- ups, downs, ups -- but I'm going to post a New Year's-y meme in a minute, so I'll let that cover it. If anything holds true, it's that smiley days (literally, days that I smile more) are better than not-smiley days.

We have a couple of inches of snow today, not much, really, but it was enough for me to cancel my nails appointment and therefore not get dressed all day. I don't do that much. I also felt good enough to do the Wii Fit for the first time in a while, so that was good, too. R, a much more intrepid driver than I, came by for a bit, also good. And after I post this, I am going to amuse myself by sorting through my Vera Bradley bags, since the Hubs had given me two for Christmas that I already had and I exchanged them yesterday for three on sale, and so a happy Vera time will be had by me. Happy New Year, all.

From melanie, last week.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? I had two colonoscopies.


2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't so much make New Year's Resolutions as much as I made Living the Rest of My Life With Crohn's Disease Resolutions. So far, so good.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.


4. Did anyone close to you die? No.


5. What countries did you visit? Just this one, unless you count the former Confederate States of America.


6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? Health.


7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 7, the day I got my diagnosis.


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Going back to work after I was out for a month.


9. What was your biggest failure? Losing my temper and letting other people's actions depress me.


10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Boy, did I.


11. What was the best thing you bought? The iPhone. I love my iPhone.


12. Whose behavior made you appalled or depressed? I had a blow-up with my vice-principal that wasn't good for me, or probably her. I was both appalled at and depressed by my own reaction to her behavior.


13. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mine. When I went to speak to the v.p. and clear the air, I felt very proud of the way I behaved.


14. Where did most of your money go? The single biggest chunk went to the kid's graduate school tuition.


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The election.


16. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    a. happier or sadder? Happier.
    b. thinner or fatter? Fatter.
    c. richer or poorer? Poorer.


17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Exercise, I guess.


18. What do you wish you'd done less of? Spend time in the bathroom.


19. How did you spend Christmas? At home Christmas Eve, with the in-laws Christmas Day.


20. Did you fall in love in 2008? No.


21. How many one-night stands? Oh, please.


22. What was your favorite TV program? The George Lopez Show.


23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No. I didn't hate anyone last year either. I try to reserve hate for Hitler or Pol Pot or the like.
    


24. What was the best book you read? I loved all of Fannie Flagg's books.


25. What did you want and get? Two new tattoos in honor of surviving the Crohn's ordeal.


26. What did you want and not get? Can't think of anything.


27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't think I went to the movies once.


28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I was 55. I was just starting to recover, and I left the house for long enough to go buy a new TV.


29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To have the money situation under control.


30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?> I wear whatever keeps my boobs under wraps.


31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'm not sure what we mean by fancy, but the most fascinating was Barack Obama.


32. What political issue stirred you the most? The election.


33. Who did you miss? My parents, always.


34. Who was the best new person you met? The kid's new boyfriend. Fingers crossed.


35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Whatever will be, will be.


36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
    
    Que sera, sera.
    Whatever will be, will be.
    The future's not ours to see.
    Que sera, sera.

WATCHING TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON :: ENTRY #1952
READING: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke

Happy Day

Two smiley days in a row! Wow!

So I had a very nice day. Not only did I get a haircut this morning, but this afternoon, someone said "Hey, who cuts your hair?" so that was a nice thing to hear. (Ray, who cuts my hair, is awesome.) I also did some shopping with the Sibs and we had lunch.

My stomach behaved itself today, so I did not also have the headache and other stuff that go along with that. Plus, no snow or rain today (although I think something's coming tomorrow), so in general, a nice, happy vacation day. I LOVE those!


WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1951
READING: ????? by ?????

Catching Up

My state of mind is improved today, although it comes and goes. It's lots of things, but I think mostly physical, and that's been better today. Today's big annoyance is that one of my eyes is irritated; I'll have to go out and get some lubricant gel since the eyedrops aren't doing it today. Otherwise, okay.

I did go out this morning and spend the gift card the ILs gave me --- at Toys R Us! Of all places, huh? But I got two Wii games, and the DVDs were on sale there, so I got the new editions of both Sleeping Beauty and Peter Pan, and there went the card, which was just fine. I'm going to open up the games shortly and see how they work and stuff. (One is another fitness game, and the other is Wii Music.)

Tomorrow is promising: a haircut, followed by lunch and shopping with the Sibs, followed by a visit to the therapist, which was cancelled last week. And we all know I could use a visit there.

Here's the big secret of the last few days -- shh, don't tell anyone! It looks like R and her sweetie are going to be moving in together in a few months. I had expected this come next summer, and so did they, but the manager of her apartment building is just not keeping up (no plowing snow out of the parking lot, no lights in the central hallway), and they have been offered a house to rent, starting when the the sweetie can leave his apartment in February or so. R has already spoken to her rental agent and they won't hold her to her lease (I think, because they're trying to clear out the building, which is why they're doing what they're doing) and then she will move in in April or so, after she's finished with a time-consuming annual project at work. So. It's a little farther than I'd like (and a little closer to his family than I'd like), but it's all okay, and a side benefit is that she would really be within easy distance (a half hour or so) of the ILs. Anyway, it's a plan; they'll know within a week or so if all the details work out and they can really go ahead with it.

I've been sleeping a lot, but for some reason could not fall asleep when I tried to nap this afternoon, so I'm dragging a little. But again, it's okay today. Depression really sucks, I'll say that.


WATCHING WIFE SWAP :: ENTRY #1950
READING: ????? by ?????

Hey, Still Here

The days are all running together, which isn't a bad thing, I suppose, but it makes it hard for me to keep track. I'm not feeling all that great, and sleeping oddly, and it's all triggering little slides back and forth into depression and all that nasty stuff, so I'm not so much enjoying being me these days, although I am enjoying the whole not going to work thing.

I just got another friend request on Facebook, this one from someone I went to high school with but didn't know at all, never had a class with her. I guess I'm not a Facebook person. The only requests I've approved so far have been from my cousin and my nephew, and even though those few of you I've gotten requests from are people I'd love to meet in person and trust isn't an issue here, I just can't decide what to do with it. Actually, the only request I've gotten that I plan to out and out refuse is the high school classmate; as for the others, I'm still sorting out my thoughts on the issue. Nothing personal.

In the meantime, I'm just hanging out, no news of sorts, just same old weird stuff. My head isn't even really clear enough to start a new book, although K has finished all the Twilights, and would like everyone to know that they are the worst written books on earth. I only read the first one, but I didn't much care for it either.

Okay, I'm off. There's a House marathon on.


WATCHING HOUSE :: ENTRY #1949
READING: ????? by ?????

Everything is Peaceful and Serene

Christmas is over, all is well. It went pretty smoothly and without stress this year, except for the few things I mentioned yesterday. I got some cute things, and all seemed happy with what I got them. I could go into paragraphs about the ILs, but I'm going to let it go because they're old, which is really the problem. (Oh, maybe a little.)

One of the things we do is that we call them as soon as we get home so they knew we've arrived safely. No problem there. Last night K and R left the ILs about twenty minutes before the Hubs and I did; K had to drop R off at her apartment and then drive the twenty minutes home from there. She pulled into our driveway about twelve seconds before we did. So we get inside, the Hubs calls his father, who says he's been very worried, because he heard from R twenty minutes ago and not K. Because even though he knows it's a twenty minute drive, he's not always thinking that way anymore. I don't think it's dementia of any kind, I just think his neurons don't fire as fast as they used to. But the MIL doesn't seem to get that, and whenever he doesn't get something, she gets very frustrated with him. Oy. They are not going gently, maybe because their own parents died before they got very old and they have no experience with it. Just guessing.

Today was a quiet, slow day. I slept until nine, and then took a three hour nap in the afternoon! In between, K and I went to look at KB Toys to see if there was anything in the closing sale we wanted -- there wasn't -- and I went to K-Mart to look for a video game I want, to get with a gift card I got -- they didn't have it. And that's it.

I'm looking forward to a nice week off. I have a haircut scheduled and one doctor's appointment, and on Sunday, the girls and I are having brunch with the Sibs and Wonderful Niece.

I hope everybody had a good holiday or day off or whatever it was for you --

WATCHING WIFE SWAP :: ENTRY #1948
READING: ????? by ?????

Merry Christmas to All

and assorted good wishes of the season.

I meant to write last night after the Christmas Eve dinner, but I never got the chance to. Yesterday went incredibly well on all accounts. The day was relaxed and easy, my table (in the living room) looked good, the food was good, the boyfriend seemed relaxed and comfortable with us. I had had to go to K-Mart in the morning for a tablecloth, and the weather was awful, but other than that I was in all day, and all went well.

It's nearly eleven, so we have all gotten up and opened our gifts. I have a feeling that I let K down this year, which seems to happen to her (although usually from her grandparents). I forgot to order the one DVD she wanted most, and I seem to have gotten her a GPS that requires extensive setting up that isn't working for her. So that's my Christmas. R made me a sock monkey, which I had wanted, although I didn't expect her to make it herself, so that's even better. What can I say? I didn't sleep so well again, so I guess I'm letting that get to me.

You know, I've been married for 31 years, and I spent two Christmases with the Hubs' family before that, and I've got to say, I've about had it. There's a long drive on a crowded highway, there's the whole gift exchange. I would mind it less if there were no gifts involved. The ILs are so set in their ways and old, which means not flexible and not noticing what's going on around them. Ah, I'm just being Scrooge this morning. It started when I handed out the presents from under the tree and everyone had a big pile but K and I felt bad. Although she was very happy with the unexpected GPS (until she started setting it up.)

I sound like a real bummer, but I'm just letting off the steam here; I have to be bright and cheery all day.

Hope you all have the day you want to have --

WATCHING FRASIER :: ENTRY #1947
READING: ????? by ?????

It's "The No School Show!"

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!

(Say it in your head, and if it sounds like "It's the Muppet Show! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!" then I got it right.)

Ahem. Okay, so no school until January 5, which is maybe the longest vacation ever. Very excellent.

I have soooo much work to do in the house tomorrow, which is okay, too. We still haven't decided whether to eat at the kitchen table or to put up the folding table in the living room, which would mean a quick trip somewhere to get a tablecloth. There's an outside chance I could just go to where the spare linens are in the basement and find one, but I really don't think so.

K is baking, has been baking for a couple of hours. So there will be dessert. Nice. And now she's lighting the Chanukah candles, also nice. The house smells really good, too.

Well, I know I had something else to say, but damned if I know what it is. If I think of it later, I'll let you know.

WATCHING WIFE SWAP :: ENTRY #1946
READING: ????? by ?????

All Frazzled Out

Gaaaaaaggghhhhh. There, I said it.

I did not like Bedknobs and Broomsticks, which I watched last night. I'm just saying. Although the scene at the end where all the armor and uniforms come alive and push the invading Germans back into the sea was jingoistic and all "For England!" and so naturally, I loved that part. Otherwise, not so much.

Next. K is either going to have to start taking prescription migraine medicine or move out, or I will move out. So we have some options.

People at my school are stupid. Nothing new there.

Now, you may recall that The Boyfriend is joining us for Christmas Eve dinner. You may or may not recall that I have not prepared a meal involving company for ten years at least, and that was just Wonderful Niece and Good Guy Nephew, so if we're talking real people, then it's at least fifteen. I swear to god, I used to know how to do this. Sadly, old age is not the time to be relearning skills. I'm not stressing out, I'm just having trouble keeping things straight. K and I went shopping before, because apparently it was our afternoon to be stupid, and I couldn't decide between placemats or a tablecloth, and she thought I was crazy for buying cloth napkins. (Keep in mind that this is house where everyone but me uses cloth napkins at every meal.) I had to get a bowl to serve the pasta that wasn't Tupperware (which is what I normally serve in) but I forgot to get a serving spoon. None of my silverware matches, either.

K thinks I am crazy because there's no point in trying to impress him since he's a boy and won't care or notice anyway. Which is probably true. However, it's just a matter of knowing how to serve a proper meal and not knowing, and I know, I really do, I'm just terribly out of the habit. I don't mind being quirky and certainly he's going to have to take us as we are if he wants our daughter, which he seems to, and his parents aren't going to care about how I serve either because according to R, his mother is ready to send out invitations now (which means she's officially crazier than I am.) Oy. I just don't know.

Oh, why was this our day to be stupid? When I got home, I said brightly to K "Let's go to Ikea!" because I needed a serving bowl and stuff, and she was looking for a table for her room, and I figured Ikea wouldn't be crowded (and it wasn't) and it's only a mile from out house and it took a half hour to get there, because DUH it's across the highway from a giant mall and it was about two degrees short of gridlock out there. On the way home, K said "Promise me we won't go out on the highway again until after Thursday" and I stuck out my pinky and we pinky-swore on it.

About twenty minutes ago, I was sitting quietly, scanning for heart attack symptoms, because man, was I having chest pain, and then I remembered that I had eaten this incredible chocolate/caramel cookie that came in a Christmas gift I got today and that IT WAS HEARTBURN. I rarely get heartburn that intensely or that soon after eating the offending food, but the upshot here is that I AM A MORON AND I AM NOT HAVING A HEART ATTACK. If I have a heart attack, which I do fully expect to have, it will be in my eighties, because even those who went before me of heart attacks were way older, and didn't even have the benefit of the fistfuls of pills I take every day. Repeat after me, Self: I AM NOT HAVING A HEART ATTACK. I AM NOT HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

Cripes, I'm not even having a panic attack. I took Tums, it hurts less. What I need to do is make more lists, and then more. Yeah, that's the ticket. I need lists. That will make my kitchen bigger, or get me a dining room built on by Thursday. Yeah, lists.

Yeah.

(I'm thinking of making a new label just for this post: Mental Illness. Hey, it'll probably come up again.)


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1945
READING: ????? by ?????

So, Ornaments

I slept until a blissful 9 AM this morning, and woke up to a non-functioning coffee-maker. Oh, and a snowstorm. It took me nearly an hour to run a vinegar cycle and then numerous plain water cycles, and then, voila, coffee.

It's the first night of Chanukah -- I just realized we forgot to light the candles because I was taking a nap and K has a migraine -- but I did make latkes for lunch, and then we decorated the tree.

I have many, many ornaments, many more than I have pictures of here. Even so, here ya go.


These two tarnished sliver snowflakes are the only silver I have in my house (and clearly, I need to get some polish tomorrow.) I have them because they were made in the Reed and Barton Silver Factory, which is in Taunton, Mass., where my father was born and grew up.


These are the girls' special ornaments. The one on the left is K's, a gift from a friend in pre-school, and the one on the right, the glass rocking horse, is R's, given to us once by my sister.


During the years that my sister had a Christmas tree (husband #2), she and I gave each other rocking horse ornaments every year.


I mentioned that I had started out years ago with a half dozen cheap glass balls. Now the girls, especially K, bring me glass balls from their travels, when they can. The one on the left is fromn a trip they took together to Colorado. The middle one is from Germany, the one on the right from Venice.


More rocking horses.


Various other glass balls, the two on the right from Disney World, as you might guess.


K especially likes to give me ornaments that reflect ... well, us, or at least her. The one on the lft lights up and says Merry Fucking Christmas. The one on the right, of course, is a Sock Monkey Jesus.


Lots of Disney. Here are Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. We have a similar set of the three fairies from Sleepy Beauty.


From Wales, R brought a red dragon and a love spoon.


I have gotten ornaments from every vacation we've gone on. The Scary Elf is from Sturbridge Village (Mass.) when I was pregnant with R. The shell is from the beach at Cape May when K was three. The loon is from Squam Lake (N.H.), where we vacationed for many years, and the Hubs went there as a kid with his folks as well. The sorcerer's hat is from last year's trip to DW. No idea where the dough people came from.


I collect things that represent children's stories or rhymes. Wynken, Blynken, and Nod on the left, and of course, Jack Frost. A lot of these are Hallmark ornaments.


For many years, I made at least one a year.


I also have all but one of the Hallmark thimble ornaments. I also have a collection of actual thimbles that I started years ago, which is why I started collecting these ornaments. The first one came out the year we were married.


My Colleague's husband for many years was a craftsman who worked in sand-blasted and stained glass, so this was one of his smaller works. Yes, it's cracked. I have another one that isn't, but I didn't find it until after I took the picture.


More children's stories and characters.


I made these before we were married, actually. The Christmas before, so that was 1976, I made a set of these plastic-needlepoint canvas ornaments for the MIL, and one for us, to be used the next year.

Just a sampling. The tree is done, and looks very nice.


WATCHING BEDKNOBS AND BROOMSTICKS :: ENTRY #1944
READING: How to be Good by Nick Hornby

Snow Day/No Day

I got the call at six this morning that we would be having school, but an early dismissal. Within minutes, I realized that this was a day I should not be going far from my own personal bathroom, so I called in sick and stayed home. K was home -- her semester ended last night -- and the Hubs has been working from home, so I didn't have to worry about anyone out driving. In fact, no car has been moved from our driveway all day. And R comes home from the city by train, so really, a worry-free day for me. I never even got dressed, took a couple of naps, and have just been like Elsie, you know, a contented cow, all day.

So what is there to write about? I thought I'd fill in some of the details of the meme from the other day. For one, I realized that I had forgotten to bold one. When I was in ninth grade, I taught myself Esperanto from a book. I didn't retain it, of course, because there's no one anywhere who speaks Esperanto so you can really claim it as a language you know, but I did learn it.

I was surprised to see how few other people had walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty, but I guess it would be more common for people who live where I do. When my kids were little, my friend the Other Chai and I did many things together; her son is only three weeks younger than R. When the big kids were about five, so K was about two, we decided to go to the Statue of Liberty. While we were waiting on line for the elevator, she said to me "We're walking to the top, right?" and I said "Uh ... okay." So we did. The two five year olds were delighted, and K was pretty good, but as we got higher and higher, I started to wheeze and the Other Chai started to pant, and I said "Oh, did I tell you I just found out I have asthma?" and she said "No, did I tell you I just got over bronchitis?" Anyway, we made it to the top and then turned for the other stairway to go down, and K took one look at the narrow winding iron stairs and refused to move. Ultimately, I came down the stairs backwards, my hands around her middle, supporting her from step to step. I could hardly walk for the next week. Fun.

I only hitchhiked once in my life. My roommate and I had walked about a mile from our dorm to play mini-golf on a hot day, and she convinced me to hitchhike back because we were both exhausted. We were picked up in a car, both having to sit on the front seat next to the driver, a huge, bearded man. It was a very short drive; he said he knew where our dorm was and would take us there. Then in a very creepy voice he said something like "It's dangerous to hitchhike, you know." I slid a little closer to Sue in the passenger seat. And then he went on, with something like "Girls like you really shouldn't hitchhike" and I thought "Oy, I'm never going to see my parents again and they were right." And then Sue nudged me and I looked on the backseat and saw a gun there. The driver pulled right up to the dorm and as we were about to get out on shaky legs he said "Wait a minute" and I turned and looked at him for the first time, and he said "Don't you remember me?" I looked again, and said "Rich?" and he laughed. He was a friend of my boyfriend; I had met him once, and he was a campus cop. He told us that he made a practice of picking up girls who were hitching and scaring the crap out of them so they would never do it again. And we never did.

I saw Niagara Falls when I was around 14. I went to a summer teen program that was all day trips, and one "day" our trip was that we got on a train around nine p.m., were on the train all night to Niagara, got out and spent the day there, then took another night train home. There was no sleeping on this train, I tell you, but the falls were cool.

I never sold Girl Scout cookies as a kid; my troop always sold calendars instead. But I was certainly immersed in cookies up to my ears when my girls were Scouts.

My sister and I once took our kids to DC for a few days, and we were at the Lincoln Memorial when an incredible storm came up, and we were trapped for an hour or more in that inspirational marble cave while the skies thundered above us, and every so often, lighting lit up the reflecting pool in front of us. It was awesome. I also remember being at the Lincoln Memorial holding my grandfather's hand when I was two or three. I've seen it many times; it's always inspirational to me.

Caviar? You can get it at the supermarket. (Not good cavier, but caviar.) It's like every once in a while, you need to give your kids ice cream for dinner. Once every few years, buy a little jar of caviar just for the hell of it.

I had chickenpox when I was four. My sister got it, so my mother drew a bath and put us both in together. She figured getting it over with for both of us at once would be the easiest way, and she was probably right.

Met someone famous? I spoke to some interesting people on my school trips to DC when i was in high school -- Adam Clayton Powell and Mike McCormack -- and I've seen famous people at the malls here: Abe Vigoda in a restaurant I was eating in, Gordon from Sesame Street shopping. I also once saw Gordon running in the park. I was buying ties once at Bloomingdale's next to Alan Alda, whom R has now personally met and spoke to many times at work.

I was in a car accident once that involved us suing the other driver, but it didn't go very far, as I recall.


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1943
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

Puzzle Pieces

Instead of writing my normal whiny long entry at school today, I kept writing bits and emailing them to myself so that I could post them later. Which I will now do, and when they're all here -- there are four of them -- I'll see if they make any sense.

The Nickname Game

Poolie played the game where you use a nickname you once had and Google-image it and post the first thing that comes up. As I wrote in her comments, I opted out, because the nickname of my young childhood was Bushie. My sister called me that from the time I was born until I was about five. Her only explanation ever was that when I came home from the hospital -- she was four and a half -- my hair stuck up straight on my head and it looked like a bush to her. So, okay.

My father adapted the nickname Sweetie Pie to my name and called me Sanny Pie (that s is a z sound). So I'm not finding pictures of that one, either. Or of my sister's adaptation of that to her nickname for me in my teen years, which was E-Pie.

The nickname of my adult life, which is used by virtually everyone except my sister and her family (and never by my parents either) is Ro, which works for me. Everyone in the ILs family calls me that, and a whole lot of people at work. Funny, I always wanted a decent nickname when I was a kid (instead of the goofy ones I had, although I liked those at home), and I would never .... NEVER answer to Rosie. It makes my skin crawl.

So, no pictures, just a handful of goof.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, I went to the office to talk to the principal this morning but he wasn't in yet. I asked his secretary if he would be out today but she didn't know. I asked her to call me as soon as he came in. Did you get a call? I didn't get mine.

But I went there a couple of periods later, and he sees no reason my desk cannot be moved, says getting the computer and telephone drops are no big deal, and so on. All I have to do is email him a list of what I need (which I did the second I got back to the library) and he'll try to get it done the first week in January. !!!!!!!!!!

He also said that he only has five applicants for the librarian's job and none of the them look great, so we'll be hiring someone as a long-term sub to fill out this year, and most likely we'll be looking again for the real thing for next September. It's okay with me. What I want, though, is to switch to the early shift, so he'd better get someone who's going to fill in the half hour after school until the late person comes in from 3:00 to 5:00.

In the meantime, I've been cleaning out the shelves behind my desk, which I will miss (the only thing I'll miss about this location), but I'll make do and I'll make something else out of that space. It already looks like I'm moving tomorrow.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have been picking up all kinds of green habits lately. Not that we haven't been recycling since day one; the Hubs pulls the labels off of cans and recycles them with the paper (before he tosses the cans into the co-mingled) for years and years. I've been good, but not that good. Oh, I stopped running the water while I brush my teeth when I was a teenager, I always check the water level in the washer, and I almost always wash in cold water. I don't know what got me started these last few months, but I'm making an effort.

The first thing I did was get an aluminum water bottle and stop using plastic toss-aways. Then our town started taking all kinds of plastic, not just some kinds, in the recycling, so I'm rinsing out all kind of things and putting them there instead of throwing them away. So I thought I could start recycling plastic forks and spoons, which, I'm ashamed to say, I'm a big user of.

(As an aside, you know, I have a very small kitchen and no dishwasher, so I've been a huge fan of the disposable plates and cutlery for a long time.)

And now I'm recycling the paper plates, too. Of course, it's becoming pretty clear that if I'm going to be washing off paper plates and plastic forks so I can recycle them, it makes much more sense just to use real plates and real forks. So now I'm there, too.

I usually bring a second cup of coffee to work with me in the morning in a small aluminum thermos, but today I wanted to stop and get some Dunkin, and I found myself bringing a travel mug with me so I wouldn't have to throw away a paper cup with a plastic lid. (Oh, I've also started using a real mug for my morning coffee at home instead of a paper cup. I am no longer the best customer in Costco's paper goods aisle.) Turns out I don't want to carry my thermos every day, and I don't want to stop at Dunkin everyday, either. I need to be able to make myself a cup of coffee in the library. (They make one pot of decaf every day in our cafeteria, and when it's gone, it's gone.) So last night I ordered this from Amazon. This is either going to be very cool or very weird. I can buy loose coffee at Dunkin and use that -- yum -- and I have a microwave so I can boil water, which I'll have to bring in a big bottle of. (Still working that part out.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Storm's a-Comin'

It's beginning to look a lot like snow for tomorrow. There's a winter watch, or whatever they call it, for 6 am tomorrow to midnight, with a possible accumulation of 12 inches. So that would be a good bit of snow. The question is, if the roads are clear at six, will they call off school, knowing that possibly they will have to close school early and that people will have trouble getting home? The FIL, who used to be the one who made these decisions, would always say that closing school early was a problem because it would be dangerous for the little kids to walk home. Well, yeah, but his background is elementary, so I always think that the sooner we get the inexperienced drivers from the high school off the road and home, the better it is. And hardly any kids walk to and from school anymore, and if they do, their parents are walking with them.

Anyway, a snow day would be reeeeeaallly nice, because clearly, I never want to go to work, but I'm being cautious about my sick days at this point. Aside from the new drivers among the students, there are so many teachers who live an hour or more away -- why they do that I do not know -- and in places where the weather is worse, and sometimes they actually don't get the call that school is closed until after they've left home. The bottom line is that if the roads look bad, or you think they'll get bad, you need to stay home, even if you're a first year teacher, because it's smarter than being a last year human being.

The sun is actually out now -- it's about 2 pm -- for maybe the first time this week. How deceptive. I wonder what I'll wake up to tomorrow.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There ya go, a day's worth of random thoughts. Oh, get this: I actually cooked dinner tonight for myself and my husband. I don't think he's eaten a real meal I've cooked in a dozen years. It was a test run for Christmas Eve dinner, and came out well. Go me.

WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1943
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

More Memish Than Sleepy

From bluesleepy.

I like this meme, but more Britain and less continent would have worked better for me.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (and DisneyWorld)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train (from London to Brussels)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (in general)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (by accident - I lack math skills)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (lots, in fact)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life Do we ever really know?
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day


WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1942
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

A Better Day Today

Today I did not feel like that character from L'il Abner, the one who was always walking under a rain cloud:



I did sleep last night, and woke up with a headache. I thought it might go away once I got up and moving -- it sometimes does -- so I tried that, turned the TV on, was taking my meds, and on TV, they mentioned today's date: December 17. Today is my 17th re-birthday. I had my brain surgery 17 years ago today.

It was my first smile of the day, a big one.

I made some scrambled eggs, and took some excedrin, the kind with caffeine in it.

It snowed last night, no more than an inch, but changed to rain early this morning, so I had some heavy gunk to scrape off the car, and I was thinking how last year I never saw snow, because all of it happened while I was bedridden. Huh.

I got to school and started chattering away to the SCM and thought man, that caffeine is good shit. Another smile.

I started typing and realized that my neck did not hurt today. Smile.

I looked up from me desk and saw the pillar six feet in front of me that blocks my view and thought that in the old library, I would just move the furniture. And then I realized that my desk is not nailed down, and neither is the photocopier, and if I switched them, I would be able to see the whole damn library, plus out the door and down the hall.

Biiiig smile.

Now, this is not without complications, because it seems that we now need papal dispensation to move the furniture in our own rooms, but since I need to get the phone and computer outlets moved, the principal has to come and see what I want to do and give his approval. This may be a challenge, but damn, I feel like I'm at least going in the right direction.

So not a bad day, altogether.



WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1941
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

Good News Tonight

KATIE PASSED HER COMPS!!!

I knew she could (and probably would), but it was serious potential for yet one more fuck-up at her school. But she got notification today and it was already hanging on the refrigerator when I got home. YAY! (These are the final exams for her Master's Degree.)

In other news, life still generally sucks, but in odd ways. Even though there is stress at home, but not personal stress (I know that makes no sense), I am happy when I come home and miserable at work. Work isn't stressful, it's just awful. I said something today to one of the younger teachers about teaching, and she asked "Oh, were you a teacher before you were a librarian?" I'm a teacher now, babe. Screw you.

Enough of that, it's why I go to therapy (among other reasons.)

Actually, I'm not as bummed as I could be, even though my symptoms are acting up, but hey, whatever. I just went through the parts of my desk I didn't clean out the other day, once again looking for something I didn't find, but that's par for my course. I'm giving R my old camera, my first digital, a little heavy, but she can't actually be trusted with cameras, so it's a good one for her. She has lost cameras in very creative ways over the years. She left one in an airport someplace in Europe. She left another one on a mountaintop in New Mexico where they had camped the night before, and the next morning after they cleared out, it was struck by lightning, so no going back for the camera. She has a good camera in her cellphone but it getting a new phone, hence the transfer of the old camera. I was looking for all the compact flash cards, of which I have many. And now I'm looking for my last cellphone, which I also can't find, although I have a basket here in the family room that is like the museum of old cellphones. I think I have my first phone there; I got it in 1994 when my sister and i were going to take the kids to Florida by car. It's like a brick.

I sure hope I sleep tonight. This staying up late is for the birds.


WATCHING TWO AND A HALF MEN :: ENTRY #1940
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

I'm Getting to It

I feel like I've been awake forever, and all of that time I've just been ... getting things done. Does that make any sense?

I wasn't worried about R flying last night, really I wasn't, but I didn't fall asleep until two-ish, about the time her connecting flight would have been leaving for New York. I slept well once I slept, but I got up at 5:45, so, you know, not much.

It's another car-swapping day, so after school I went with K to bring R's car back to her apartment, and then we picked up K's car at the service station, and when the Hubs gets home, we're dropping his off. Notice that my car isn't involved in any of this, yet I am part of every trip, and if anyone is without a car tomorrow, it will be me.

So I'm looking into acupuncture, because my shoulders and neck are really sore and stiff and not getting better. I would definitely do it, if I could only track down the right doctor and find out how much and such. (It's not covered, but certain providers will give me a discount with my insurance card.) I'm also thinking about looking into a possible cause of the sore shoulders and neck, which would be doing something about the excessive weight I'm carrying around on my frontage. I called my insurance, who said that breast reduction is covered if it's medically necessary and not cosmetic. And I'm thinking, a surgeon won't even do it unless you're big enough, and that size would be by definition medically necessary. I don't think you could do it just for cosmetic reasons, although I assume there are cosmetic benefits. I don't know, the woman on the phone was not terribly clear. And what kind of doctor would have to certify the necessity of it? An orthopedist? Questions, questions.

Anyway, the Sibs had a little surgical procedure this morning and is fine, I talked to her earlier, but I'm going to give her a call before I have to go out again to the service station.

WATCHING WIFE SWAP :: ENTRY #1939
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

F Your A

Hmm ... not quite right. I've picked up, via R, her boss's habit of saying F Your I, instead of FYI, or for your information. But this is more for your amusement. Or mine. Or it's not funny at all.

When I was ranting about the ILs the other day, I forgot this part. Every year since 1981, the MIL asks me what the girls want for Christmas, and this year is no exception. For the last ten years or so, I send them links from the girls' Amazon wish lists. They then buy as much or as little as they want, who cares. This year, after I did that, the FIL decided for some reason that he was not going to buy from Amazon, so the MIL was trying to decode the links to see what the gifts were. (Didn't occur to either of them to click on the link to see what it was.) No Amazon is nothing to him, as he does none of the shopping, so this was a make-work project for the MIL, I guess, who has one barely functioning knee. So, good decision on his part. And then she told me today it turned out she already had enough for them so didn't need my links after all. Uh huh.

He called earlier, told me his entire reason for calling, then asked for the Hubs so he could tell him. The Hubs and I, you may recall, watch TV in separate rooms and he has no phone extension. So I brought him the phone, he talked to his dad, and then brought the phone back to me, saying his mom wanted to talk to me. And when she was done, guess what? Dad wanted to talk to the Hubs again, so it's once more throwing off the blanket, and so on. Hey, guess who's getting real old?

It's about twenty after midnight and I am up as a pup. No reason, except the sore neck does make it hard to find a comfy position. I've texted with R, who is currently between flights in Salt Lake City. So she's fine, and K is staying over at R's tonight to keep the cat company (or to get away from me, either way) and I really want to sleeeeeep because my alarm is going to ring in five hours and twenty minutes.

Hey, maybe I just couldn't sleep because I knew I hadn't posted today and that you would miss me so. Well, this was it. I'm going to try to sleep again.


WATCHING MERMAID GIRL :: ENTRY #1938
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

I'm Back

Not that I was away, but I didn't write yesterday because I was in a sucky mood, and now, we just got back from -- are you ready? A cocktail party! I went to a cocktail party; can you believe it?

Okay, as Bill Maher would say, NEW RULE. If you live out in the middle of deep dark fucking nowhere, and there are no street lights and no lights on the street signs or anything, you cannot throw a party in the winter, or at any time of the year after dark. I'm just saying.

So it should have taken us 45 minutes to get there, but it took an hour and fifteen minutes because we couldn't find the damn place. When we did, we turned into the driveway and the sign on the gate said to pull up to the gate and it would open. And it did. I don't mean a garden gate, I mean a big high gate attached to tall stone pillars. A gate.

This house was just big. The closest I can come to comparing it would be to Richard and Emily Gilmore's house on the Gilmore Girls. The guest house -- there was a guest house -- was roughly the size of my house. We sat for the evening in the one of the smaller rooms, which I guess is the bar room, about the size of my living room, but with a higher ceiling.

Two people live in this house. I don't get it.

Anyway, my $72 Home Depot Christmas tree looks very nice, and I'm happy with it. K and I did our food shopping today too, so tomorrow looks like a relaxing day, other than a brief visit to my sister to drop something off. We even went to Target today, so, no shopping tomorrow!

And now to collapse.


WATCHING K playing Guitar Hero :: ENTRY #1937
READING: Sickened by Julie Gregory

So Here's What I'm Thinking

I'm thinking, at just this moment, that I have put in my time with the elderly, and it's not my turn anymore. In other words, I love the ILs, but I'm tired of being on the front line. Which is to say, I am the only one here who answers the phone (unless I'm not home), and I'm tired of being the greeter. (I wouldn't mind getting out of Christmas again this year either, but I'm not willing to take last year's drastic measures, you know, developing a chronic gut disease.)

The ILs are cheerful to a bizarre degree. I can't imagine how either one of them would deal with a real crisis; I don't know if I've ever seen them faced with one. Every phone call begins with a cheery anecdote or an amusing question. (This is why I never take their call-waiting beeps; they launch into their conversation before I can say "I'm on another call; can I call you right back?") Or a stupid question. Such as the one that prompted this entry.

The phone rang at 7:02 and I see it's the ILs from the caller ID. It's the FIL, asking if R's flight is delayed because of the weather (it's pouring), and what have we heard from her?

Well, her flight was scheduled to take off at 6:55, and I was just checking the website where I saw it was delayed. At this point, it was delayed by seven minutes. I explained to him that I didn't know any more than he did, and she was certainly already on the plane anyway and couldn't be calling me. Ah, of course. He chuckled another amusing question for the Hubs and I brought the phone to him in the other room.

In this family, nothing goes wrong, because the Hubs and his mother keep everything inside so no one could tell, and the FIL and the Hubs' sister let everything roll off their backs so nothing bothers them.

I'm just ready to be done with that. Not that I want anything to happen to them, I just wish I wasn't always the front line. I wonder how we can convince them to start calling the Hubs' cell phone number?

So the closet is all done and pretty, R is, at the very least, at the airport (I talked to her after she went through security), and K had the adventure of stopping at R's apartment before class to leave her computer there for later and coming out to find a flat tire on her car (AAA came and fixed it) and then the engine light on when she left for class.

So I'm also thinking: when do I get to be old? When do I get to stop putting out other people's fires?

Okay, I checked again. Her flight took off at 6:59, which means they're already over the clouds and out of the rain. So that's good.

I'm not really in a bitchy mood at the moment, but the phone call pissed me off. The other night, the FIL called at nine fucking thirty, and started off with "Is this too late?" and I said "Wha ... ?" If any phone call after nine means death to me, then certainly a late phone call with their caller ID means certain death. (Which is why his voice confused me, other than that I was already asleep: once I had my glasses on and saw the ID, I was sure it was the MIL calling with bad news.)

Hey, as long as I'm bitching, last night I re-read F. Scott Fitzgerald's short story "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," which I read long ago and loved, and I have to ask: what story is this movie based on? Other than the central device, that of a baby who is born old and ages backward, nothing is the same. In the story, the baby is born as literally an old man, not a baby with an old man's head. In the story, which is very good, the father enters the hospital nursery to see a full grown 70 year old man sitting stuffed into a crib. And it starts in 1860. I had thought I would see the movie despite my lack of interest in Brad Pitt, but now I really won't need to see it at all.

And as long as I'm asking for the impossible, I'd like the rain to stop now, please. Unless it's going to turn into snow, in which case it could keep raining instead. Or something.

WATCHING TWO AND A HALF MEN :: ENTRY #1936
READING: How to be Good by Nick Hornby

I Am Benign

Let me 'splain.

First, I am good in a crisis. Not a crisis like the heat going out and being afraid the house will blow up, but a medical crisis. Mine or someone else's, I am always calm. I got it from Jack, my sister is the same way. So that's one.

Two, I am both a pessimist and an optimist, so I always fear the worst and expect the best. I am the one who looked at the x-ray of my brain and said "Oh, there's a big spot on the film; they'll make me go back and do it again!" and my sister, beside me, did not say "You moron, that spot is something that is actually IN YOUR BRAIN" which the doctor told me two minutes later it was, and still, I did not freak out. There's nothing to be gained by it, for one, and it's better for me, for two.

Three, they have been seeing "shadowing" in my mammograms and ultrasounds for years, and I knew this was just a matter of doing the right thing and following all the procedures. The doctor did say that she couldn't tell me 100% it was nothing, because then she wouldn't have had to do it at all, but we expected nothing. Does this mean it will always be that way? Could be, or maybe not. My mother was very good about mammograms and following up, and it got her anyway. You do your best with what you can, and then you take what comes. I'm philosophical about certain things, but as we all know, not everything.

So I've been home all day while the workers are hammering and sawing and whatnot upstairs in the closet. I took a peek when they went to lunch, and it looks good, and now I'm ready for them to be done. I got washes done and I wrapped some gifts, and got some more giftwrap while they were out, but otherwise I'm just here. No writing, as it turned out. I'd like to do the Wii Fit when they leave; I haven't done it in a week, since I had that sinus-y thing.

It's still raining, colder than yesterday, and I have no interest whatsoever in going out. Naturally, the Hubs just asked if I wanted to go out dinner. (I do not. Another day, perhaps.) Husbands are so strange and oblivious sometimes. He is looking right at me and doesn't see that my hair is unwashed today and I have no make-up on, not to mention I couldn't shower because of the little tape on where I had the needle, so I'm not exactly fit for an outing in public.

R is flying off tonight to visit a friend in Colorado for a long weekend, so K is staying at her place tonight, since it's right near her school (and she has a class tonight) and this way she can feed the cat tomorrow morning before she comes home (presumably to hang up all her clothes, at last.) So, quiet (except for the drilling and hammering, for now anyway.) I was hoping to put together the Christmas tree today, but would prefer to do so without the Hubs interference assistance. We'll see what tomorrow brings. The little weather bug at the bottom of my browser seems to be showing snowflakes. Joy.


WATCHING Ellen :: ENTRY #1935
READING: How to be Good by Nick Hornby

Where the Day Went

Okay, so I went off to my mammogram this morning with my sister and the upshot is that I had a needle biopsy, which is probably nothing, but you know, it's not officially nothing until you get the call with the results, which will be tomorrow.

Other than having a very good time with my sister, despite what we were actually doing together, it was a mostly sucky day, I guess. It was sixty-ish here today, which is odd, but very rainy and windy, so deciding what to wear was pretty much a no-win situation. After I dropped the Sibs off at home, I went on my missions, first to Fortunoff's, which had a sign in the window that Christmas trees were 40% off. Yeah, right, 40% off of the most overpriced Christmas trees I've ever seen. They actually had one priced at $850!!! They had nothing small, and the smallest one they had was $250. Not. Happening.

I did get calendars at the mall; I got them both Futurama calendars. Then I went to Home Depot, which had a nice tree on display, but of course, none in stock; however, the nice guy who helped me told me they had fourteen of them at another store. (And I have a bridge if you're interested ...)

Then I had a 1:00 at the lady doctor, who said after the whole examination "Good! There's no ovarian cyst!" and I said "Is that what you were looking for?" Hey, tell a person. Anyway, I was done with that, and even though the other Home Depot was in the same town as the doctor -- Hackensack, our county seat -- I completely blanked on how to get there and went by way of China, but they did, in fact, have one tree in stock, so I got that. I'll put it up tomorrow, but it looks like a nice, pre-lit with colored bulbs, six and a half foot tree for $72. Yeah, way more like it.

Last stop: supermarket, and then home. It was nice to be home. I got a call from the people fixing K's closet tomorrow to confirm, so I expect to be here all day, and the kid is working, so I'm thinking I may get gifts wrapped if I have enough paper left from last year, since I didn't plan ahead and think I could wrap tomorrow and get gift bags. (I know I have paper, just probably not enough bags.) And I'll get a wash done and maybe maybe maybe a little writing, too.

Less sucky once I got home, I guess. Just tired now, and somewhat bruised, although not sore. I was such a good girl during the procedure they should have given me a lollipop.


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1934
READING: Flatland by Edwin Abbott

Still Here

Sometimes, "still here" is the best I can do.

It was another day. I was looking forward to seeing the therapist today, but she wasn't feeling well, so it was canceled. Too bad. Sometimes I just really seem to need to go there and talk to her. I'll call tomorrow and maybe reschedule if she's feeling better.

I'm not going in to work tomorrow or Thursday, as I think I mentioned. Tomorrow is mammogram day, yay! (Kidding.) And maybe finally get those calendars and maybe a Christmas tree in between that the other doctor's appointment.

I'm so blah today. I've had a headache for hours that I can't seem to shake. I'm really looking forward to snuggling in under the covers and staying there until eight-ish tomorrow morning.

It's the twins' birthday today -- 31 -- and I already talked to Wonderful Niece, but I'm waiting a bit to call her brother so I don't catch him on the road coming home from work. Man, they're old.

Okay, that's about all I've got tonight. With any luck, tomorrow will be another day.

WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1933
READING: Flatland by Edwin Abbott

Getting Better All the Time

I'm sitting here at my desk at work with my jacket and gloves on. It's actually colder here than it is at home, where there's no heat at all. What's wrong with this picture?

Why, why, must I keep coming to this place every day? I was just informed that the library will be closed all morning on Wednesday and Friday so they can give make-up standardized tests here. We're already closed all day Thursday fore the debate tournament. When do we get to be a library?

Enough of that shit, that's what I go to a therapist for. And you know, it's hard to type with gloves on.



Later, still in school.

You know, this morning, I seriously thought I might get through the entire day without smiling once. Sick of being here, tired of dealing with the heat/no heat hassles, all that. The home heating people called me while I was at lunch, and I had to dash home to make sure that they were in, set up, etc., I had to leave a check for them which I didn't know before, but K is there and will fill it in and all will be well. And then I came back to school.

Just sitting here. And I looked up, and a face from the past walked in.

I smiled.

Fred retired maybe fifteen years ago, but he was very much a part of the fabric of this school for a long, long time. I knew him first as a teacher when I was a student, although I was never in one of his classes. Around the time I came back here to work, he became an administrator, and somewhere else along the line, he became a friend. I'm not in touch with him now, but the Chum is, so I hear reports of how he's doing, but it was just wonderful to see him in person. He's nearly 80, I think, and still as good looking as he always was. Still has Paul Newman eyes, still twinkling. He's a wonder. And seeing him and hugging him really brought me back to when I liked being here, when things in the school seemed to make more sense. (Partly because he made them make sense.) Hey, turned out to be a smiley day after all.

I hope to be going home to a heated house, but I'll update that just before I post.

.... and yes, the heat is on. The house is still warming up, but it's on, it works. I love modern technology.


WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1932
READING: How to Be Good by Nick Hornby

Adventures in Cold and Fear

Around 8:00 last night, I started to smell a chemical like smell, which no one else smelled, but then they smelled it too: burning rubber or plastic, kind of like melting crayons. Long story short, although the furnace itself did not smell, it was coming up through the vents with the hot air. I called the furnace repair after hours number, and someone called back and said he would be here in a half hour.

At which point the fear set it. I am so much better with this stuff now, but I completely slid back to the old me: holding so still that I was nearly paralyzed with fear, fear of the furnace blowing up or the house burning down, or both. It sounds ridiculous to say this is something I've always been afraid of, but it is. I don't know why. My parents, who were so fearful of many things, must have instilled it in me somehow. Many years ago, when R was a baby, we felt the tremor of a small earthquake, and the house shook, and I was convinced it was the furnace blowing up (it was where we lived before here) and I fainted.

I was very, very scared. Although I stayed at my desk, waiting for the doorbell, I quietly shoveled things into a tote bag, planning to push my computer and the various chargers in at the last minute, whenever the repairman said "Get out!" He never did, of course.

He was very nice, especially for a guy who had been called out of home on a cold Saturday night, and the Hubs dealt with him, which was also nice for me. The motor is dead. We'll have a new one tomorrow morning -- Monday -- and in the meantime, it's getting colder. It's quite cold outside today, actually, and there were flurries this morning. It's very windy.

Once I lost the fear of imminent fiery destruction, I was fine, although it did take me sometime to lose the physical tension I had built up. But I wasn't worried about the cold. We all put layers on and burrowed under blankets. The family room, which is where I've been sleeping, has its own electric baseboard heat, which the rest of the house is bleeding out, but it's not so terrible in here, and I slept great, til 9:00 even, warm and cozy. The front of the house is down to the low sixties, which is what some people set their houses to, I guess. It'll get colder tonight, and the bathroom is already plenty cold, but you know, we're not living in a box under a bridge; it's a house with sturdy walls and a roof, and it can't go down to an unlivable temperature in just 36 hours, so we'll be fine. Although I already have so many layers on, it's getting hard to set my hands on the keyboard.

So there you go. Keep warm out there in Internet land!


WATCHING HARRY POTTER AND SOMETHING OR OTHER :: ENTRY #1931
READING: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Why, Hello There!

So it's been a quiet day, more or less. I slept delightfully late, til nearly 8:00, and then got around to my missions. My head wasn't foggy, and really wasn't all day, so I guess I'm more or less better. I went to Lowe's, where every tree was seven feet or more, and then stopped at KMart because it was on the way, where I saw The Perfect Tree, but of course, it was out of stock. I ended up getting a six foot tree that really has a much smaller profile than our old tree, without lights built in. (The perfect tree was nicely shaped and had colored lights, but all they had in stock was that tree with clear lights, a definite no-no here.) And the tree I got was very reasonably priced. It's still in the car, but I may set it up tomorrow morning, even though we won't be decorating it for a couple of weeks, because R is going away next weekend.

Of course Barnes and Noble had calendars, just not the calendars I was looking for. I get each of the girls a calendar each year with their current favorite TV show or movie, so this year I was looking for a Torchwood for R (filmed in Cardiff, where she lived for a year) and a Dr. Who for K, but it seems I will need to go to a store in the United Kingdom for these, so, no luck. But R tells me there's a good calendar kiosk in one of the close malls, so I can go there and pick up a Futurama and a Simpsons, both old stand-bys. Or maybe two Futuramas this year. I'll see what they have.

And I got my other errands done, and then when R came for the afternoon we went out to IHOP for lunch, and other than that, I've been in, reading and whatnot. I re-created my Christmas list, and I swear something's missing, but I went through the pile of gifts (which gets smaller in year, not in number, but in physical size) and everything's accounted for, so I don't know what I think is missing, but I know the total money spent for each of the girls is less now than it was. Which would be fine, but I think it just means that I'm not counting something.

Tomorrow morning, I have no intention of waking up until I'm absolutely interested in doing so. Nowhere to go, no errands to do. What a lovely luxury it is to sleep in.



WATCHING HARRY POTTER AND SOMETHING OR OTHER :: ENTRY #1930
READING: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Later That Same Day

You know, the crazy people in my family are always saying to me "Don't over-do!" Yeah, yeah; I always tell them that I can't do more than I'm capable of, so don't worry about it. Yeah, so I was leaving the mall this morning around 11:30, and wondering if I should go someplace else to look for the Christmas tree, and I was so hot, and chilled, and I thought, "Oh, this is what they mean. GO HOME." So I did.

I could not find calendars at Barnes and Noble, nor a tree at Target, so I stopped at the mall out there (where we usually go on Sunday since our malls are closed, but this just happens to be near the Target I like to go to) because they always have a calendar kiosk in the same place, just inside one of the doors, but of course it wasn't there. I had to walk through the mall to find it -- didn't have the ones I wanted anyway -- but there I was outside the Apple Store, so I went in and got the new portable hard drive that I thought would have to wait until January, since I wasn't going to our mall til then. And then I stopped at Lord and Taylor, the MIL's favorite store, and got her a bracelet, last gift for her, WOO HOO. And then back to the car, where I made the aforementioned wise choice to come home.

I haven't slept again this afternoon, but my head is not so right. K just went out to get me some chicken soup and matzo balls and gefilte fish for dinner; I told her I would go anywhere but I wouldn't drive, so she just went to pick up and bring home.

I ended up spending a chunk of time this afternoon with the hard drive, and got all my iTunes music copied over and set up, but somehow I managed to delete a bunch of apps from the iPhone. :( I got them back, but lost all the data in my Holiday Gift app. I emailed their tech support, so maybe they'll tell me how to get it back, but if not, I know what I still need, I just lost the record of what I already had and what was for who.

So I guess if I feel up to it tomorrow, I'll have to go to KMart, or Home Depot, or Lowe's to look for a tree. I got all our previous trees at Treasure Island, which no longer exists, so I have no frame of reference here for where to go. I think what I want is a size they don't make, which is five feet. Five and a half would be okay, I think. I have to ask the Hubs what size our old tree is; he's a better judge of that than I am, but I think it must be seven.

I am getting very hungry. I need protein. I need protein now. Where is that kid? (Just kidding; she just left. She'll be back in five minutes. I may be waiting at the front door.)


WATCHING THE BARBARIANS :: ENTRY #1929
READING: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Still Resting

Well, still home, anyway. It seemed the thing to do this morning. And then I went back to sleep and slept for three more hours. Again, I don't feel bad right now, but I wouldn't want to use this head to make any important decisions. (When I said that to R last night on the phone, she said "Oh, about that money I wanted to borrow ..." but she was kidding.)

K has gone to the mall, and when I get myself together, I'd like to go out and get two errands done, one small, one not small. I need to get the girls calendars for Christmas; I get them every year, so that should be a quick Barnes and Noble stop. And then I need to get us a new Christmas tree.

We're downsizing, not a lot, but some. It would be very nice not to have to rearrange the entire living room every Christmas, and I may get a pre-lit, although that's not a big factor. K has reminded me that we have A LOT of ornaments, and I know we do. We'll manage. It's time. And our old tree, which is not that old, will be there when one of the girls needs it, or if they don't, we'll donate it somewhere in a few years.

Now I'm having an eensy weensy hot flash, because I just finished my coffee. And now I can take some excedrin for the headache, and then get dressed and go out. So I can come home and crash again later. All good.



WATCHING WIFESWAP :: ENTRY #1928
READING: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

Not Up to Snuff

I"m just not right today. My head is heavy, and I feel sleepy, like I did yesterday, even though I've slept well the last two nights. I'm guessing it's an allergy or sinus thing. I left work a little before eleven, when today's testing was done, and came home and slept for three hours. K even came in and checked on me! (If that's not a mother's revenge, I don't know what is.) Anyway, I don't feel worse now, but not all that better. Reading makes my head spinny, so I'm not doing that, and obviously not the Wii Fit either.

I did finish The Secret Life of Bees last night, and why oh why did no one ever tell me how wonderful it was? Next up is The Memory Keeper's Daughter, but not tonight. I also just got some Nick Hornby; I liked About a Boy, which I read this summer.

So not much more for me tonight, although I'll leave you with this that our school nurse sent around today; I usually don't go in for the sappy stuff, but I thought this was good. There was also a picture, which didn't copy over, and some stuff about God, which I took out because it's fine without it.

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING


A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each
other.


When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of
your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that those who have something should
give to those who don't.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.


When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.


When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,' Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

WATCHING WIFESWAP :: ENTRY #1927
READING: The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards

How Do You Make an Obsessive-Compulsive Happy?

Stick to the plan.

I was blissfully alone this morning as I got up, Wii'ed, and went about my recently revised morning routine. Not that the Hubs would have gotten in my way if he'd been up; we pass in the morning like ships in the night. But he was taking the day off today so he slept in, and K had nothing to do today so she was going to sleep in, too.

*sigh* I heart my routine. The only strange thing was that when everything that needed to be done was done, and I still had five minutes before leaving the house, I crashed. I sat down to read diaries, and suddenly my eyes got heavy and started to close. I pulled myself together and came to work, but once the testing started in the building and the library was empty, I put my head down on my desk for ten minutes and more or less slept. Very strange, because I both slept last night and had nice solid protein for breakfast. (When I'm Crohnish, I crave protein, and could have eggs three times a day.)

Ah, the sleeping. In response to a comment, I did try melatonin several years ago, but it had no effect on me at all. The Valerian Root Oil capsules that I'm taking now, though, are very good. Even the nights I've had trouble falling asleep for the last week -- and that was caused by a late phone call that disrupted my sleep routine for many days -- the Valerian helps me sleep more deeply once I do fall asleep. So I'm a fan of the Valerian.

Why, you may wonder, does K have nothing to do today? Ah, the joy of being the parent of a crazed student. I have these two daughters, you know. R started to read on her own at three, did a book report on The Little House in the Big Woods in kindergarten, did fourth grade math in first grade, and then proceeded to never do homework as long as she lived, and never care whether any assignment was in on time or at all. She got good SAT scores and decent, but not outstanding, grades. As long as her English teachers kept giving her books to read that weren't in the curriculum, she was happy.

The other one, however, learned to read in kindergarten like everyone else, and was on grade level with all her other subjects, but always complained about every assignment: she would never finish it on time, she would fail, she couldn't do it. Naturally, I assumed that this one was a struggling student; it took me years to realize that she was the crazy bright one, but had stress issues. I don't think she every missed a homework assignment from first grade up, and I don't know if she ever got less than an A in anything except advanced science in high school. She even got A's in math in high school, although she retained absolutely none of it. (That's my kid.) Whereas the other one intuitively understood all math (thanks to her dad) just as she had intuited reading; the only reason she didn't get A's was because she didn't do the homework. She got A's on all the tests.

I digress. K's big final project for her Methods of Teaching class is due on Thursday. It's the biggest deal in the education program other than student teaching. It's a teaching unit that consists of a minimum of six lessons. Early last week, she said she was going to get started on it, but with the holiday coming, she didn't see how she could finish it. She would have to work all day Friday, for starters, but we ended up having lunch with the Hubs' family on Friday. Oh, she was so behind!

(Note: I did not know at this point that "get started on it" meant that she already had her complete outline and four or five of the lessons done.)

She worked all weekend. No, it was never gonna happen, and if it did, it wouldn't be what her professors wanted. She couldn't fit it into six lessons; it was looking more like ten. It would be too long. It wouldn't be enough. And anyway, she had four other minor assignments to do, also due on Thursday. Couldn't be done.

We discussed some of it Sunday night. She said that on Monday she would show what crap she had to one of the professors so she would have time to do it all over, but then he didn't show up for his office hours. Yesterday morning, I printed it out for her in school -- about 125 pages -- and she went and got a binder and plastic sleeves and put it together. She made an appointment to see the other professor, who looked it over and beamed at her. It was perfect, he said, and wouldn't even give it back to her for more tweaking; consider it turned in. And about those other four assignments, he would speak to his co-teacher and see if he could get those cut back.

After dinner last night, she said, I don't know what to do! Should I take a break now? Work all day tomorrow? I still have that other stuff to do! An hour later, she came back downstairs and said she was all done.

It's exhausting to be her parent. But she's gonna be the most prepared teacher in America once she gets going.

Oh, and I was going to comment on the so-called Christmas wars thing. If someone says Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to me, it's all the same, and I take it in the spirit it was meant. Everybody needs to chill out on this one. When you are a minority in a country or an area, you need to accept that the world is not being tailored to you. I sang Christmas carols in school as a child, and with the Girl Scouts, and that's the way it was, even when my class was 90% Jewish and so was the teacher teaching us the songs. (I remember Mr. Miller the music teacher, who was both Jewish and gay before any of us knew what gay was, teaching us In Excelcis Deo in 7th grade chorus, and I thought it was such a beautiful song.) Those of us in these religious minorities, whatever they happen to be, either need to get used to the way it is here or live someplace else where it's different. No one is forcing us to believe, or even behave, in any way, which is what the Constitution protects us from. And if someone in a store says Merry Christmas to a Muslim, the Constitution protects the right to do that, too. It's not meant as an offense, it's meant as a gesture of goodwill. Take it from whence it comes, and let the rest go.


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1926
READING: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Time

I just now realized that I wrote this entry at school this morning and forgot to post it. This coincided with K going down to put in a wash and finding a dead mouse in the basement. She reacted as if this was someone she knew personally. Hey, she didn't want the mice in her room, and there are no mice in her room. I went downstairs and scooped it into a box and took it outside. A mother's work is never done. Anyway, earlier today, I wrote:


Today is cousin Edie's birthday; she's 92. The unquestioned matriarch of the family now, it seems, but she is beyond knowing that. For some people, Alzheimer's comes on very slowly, but she was fine, more or less, until maybe four years ago, after which her decline was steep. The good news is that she no longer remembers the pain of losing her husband and older son. The bad news is that she no longer recognizes the son who comes to visit several times a week. But she's happy when she sees him, even if she doesn't know exactly who he is.

Ah, no intention, really, of making this sad, although it is, of course. I just wanted to say Happy Birthday, since there's no point in my calling her and saying it in person. On to something else.

Another by-product of the working out is that I'm drinking a lot more water. I don't generally like to drink water, but apparently I enjoy it after exercise, which who knew, because I would have to have exercised extensively before now to know. Dr. Resnick will be very pleased with me, I think. At the very least, my kidney function test should come out better.

And less Crohnish today, I think. I guess I ate some things over the holiday that had to work their way out of my system (which I don't mean the way it literally sounds.) It started with eating the Hubs' soup the weekend before, and continued on through rice pudding with raisins and small handfuls of macadamia nuts. Actually, I think the macadamia nuts went well. It was the finocchio that got me. (This is pronounced fenookie in our third generation half-Italian home. It's fennel. We slice up the bulbs and roast them, and then, whatever's left after Thanksgiving dinner is a snack for me. But maybe not so much in future.)

... Later ...

So now let's hope that the mouse thing isn't going to keep me awake tonight. My evenings are carefully structured to lull me to sleep, so the last thing I needed was a little adrenaline surge, not to mention a trip outside in the 35 degrees with no socks or jacket. (But I did put on shoes and a sweatshirt.) The real question is, if I'm so sleepy all day at work, why can't I just fall asleep when I want to at night? Hmmmm?


WATCHING RACHEL MADDOW ON MSNBC :: ENTRY #1925
READING: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

The Challenge

I think the hardest part of waiting two and a half years to retire is going to be staying awake.

I wasn't tired during the whole Thanksgiving break, even though I was having trouble falling asleep, because I could sleep later in the morning. I got up at 5:30 today (and had a wonderful workout), and now I can hardly keep my eyes open. (It's only 15 minutes earlier than my old routine, so it's not that. I need to sleep until eight is what the problem is.)

Anyway, the SCM is out, and it's a testing day, which means that the schedule is all jumbled up, and the person who assigns the substitutes took mine away for two of the periods I really needed him to be here. So when I needed to step out for a few minutes, I locked the library doors and went. I was just lucky there were no kids here at that particular time. But it worked out okay for me, I guess.

I need to make a CVS run after school; there's two-for-one on packs of hearing aid batteries this week, and if I don't get there early in the week, the size I need is gone. And another item or two. K said she was going to campus to work and to talk to her professor, but I imagine she'll be home for dinner.

R did not come by yesterday, choosing instead to spend the day with her sweetie just hanging out. For some reason, I think my children think this bothers me, as in I need to have them around all the time, or at least know what they're doing. Neither is true, of course. What I want is for them to have their own lives. Do I feel the need to talk (or email or something) with R every day? Yes, I do, because she lives alone, and someone who lives alone should touch base every day; it's a safety thing. If and when the time comes that she lives with the sweetie, I'll assume that he knows where she is, and if she'll be late, etc. etc., and if she's missing, he'll call me. I didn't speak to my kids every day when they were away at college because I knew they had roommates or friends who had the brains to call someone if they were missing.

My tired brain is starting to make less sense, I think. Six minutes until the bell (late today because of the testing) and then twenty more until the late afternoon person gets here and I can go. I need a nap, which I will avoid, even though not taking a nap yesterday didn't help me fall asleep any earlier. (Oh, okay, maybe it did. I fell asleep around one instead of two.)

I didn't look for the trainer today because of the strange substitute situation mostly, but I have worked out a good routine for the Wii Fit, based on stuff I found online here and there. So my questions are really about my hurty knee and my sore neck/shoulder, and what to do about those. I'll see what I can do in the next few days.

Later, home. Not only have I done more exercise today than I have in one day since I was maybe twelve, I've been drinking lots of water. Dr. Resnick will be so proud of me.

Many of the packages I was expecting arrived today, most of them Christmas gifts. But one was my replacement Mickey Mouse watch



(I put the lip balm there to show you how big it is. It's a big watch.)

and one was the supposed best sports bra in the whole wide world, Oprah's favorite sports bra! Aside from being bright blue and looking something like the breastplate on a German opera singer, the fit was terrible. Searching on the Internet for a sports bra will make you believe that anyone over a double-D simply does not take part in any sports-type activity, and not many double-D's either. But instead of just sending the blue bra back to Amazon, I called the company it actually came from, and the woman on the phone was very helpful and nice, and I'm sending it back to them and have already ordered two different ones from their website directly, and with a coupon code even. We'll see how that goes. All the sports bras I see in stores look like they were made for nine year olds, or Polly Pockets.

I'm going to sip some more water now, and configure my iPhone to play soothing sounds when I try to fall asleep later.


WATCHING KEITH OLBERMAN ON MSNBC :: ENTRY #1924
READING: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd