A Pleasant Day

My first birthday greeting of the day came from the Wii Fit when I started it up at 5:45 am. Followed shortly thereafter by the Hubs, and the Empress, via ecard. (Ecards came later from Golf and R, so, thank you to all!) And K, of course, but that was delivered in person.

My birthday gift from school, apparently, was that we interviewed and picked someone to be the substitute librarian come February when the SCM leaves. (Oh heavens! I'll have to think up a diary name for her!) Anyway, an uneventful day, pleasant enough. After school, K and I went out to buy lottery tickets, because if there's anything I really, really want for my birthday this year, it's a million dollars.

Anyway, I picked up a mini-Key Lime cheesecake for birthday dessert, and I see by the clock on the wall that the time has come.


WATCHING QUANTUM LEAP :: ENTRY #1962
READING: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke

Sunday Night

Yes, yes, my birthday is tomorrow. But if we were going to do a family dinner or anything it would have been today because it's easier on a weekend. What actually happened was that R has spent the afternoon here and she and K are out now picking up the Chinese food (for me and the Hubs) and the sushi (for them.) Which is just fine with me. I had thoughts about going to a vegan Chinese restaurant we often go to for occasions, but I just didn't want to deal with going anywhere on the icy roads. R, who will of course have to drive home on the icy roads, is a very good driver, and I won't be with her so I won't be anybody's nervous passenger. I'd rather just stay in.

Of course, there's school tomorrow, and the chances of the parking lot being sanded are zero because they just don't do that. They plow the lot and the sidewalks, but no sand, so the parking lot will be treacherous. We had snow all day yesterday, although not much, and freezing ice all last night, and anything that melted in the sun today -- and the temps never really got to 30 -- is freezing again now that it's dark. So tomorrow won't be good, but I don't have far to go, either driving or walking, and teachers calling out makes a day of work more likely for K.

I managed to get in another good workout today, although I did the yoga in the morning and the rest of it in the afternoon. I guess I'll try to squeeze in the yoga, at least, tomorrow morning. I've got my clothes out already, and I expect to get my lunch put together tonight too.

Did I mention that the boyfriend's mother's birthday is Tuesday? Odd, eh? Two years younger, I hear. That should make for an interesting future conflict for the kids.

Okay, food's here.



WATCHING E! :: ENTRY #1961
READING: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke

Everybody Wave!

And say hi to Mary Ellen!

(Hey -- I've been spending the last week making I.D. cards for kids with names from Mars, let alone every member country of the United Nations, not to mention your odd Savannah Goldberg and the like, and I would just like to say: Grace and Mary. Are there two more lovely and classic names for little girls than that? I think not.)

Speaking of birthdays, today is that day each year that the Hubs catches up to me and is my age for a few months. It's a race to see what's going to get here first today: him home from work, or UPS with the DVDs of Homicide we ordered (one from the girls, one from me.) It's about 5:40 now, so it's truly anybody's guess. How embarrassing for him to come in the back door and for me to have to leave in mid birthday kiss to answer the bell at the front door to get the delivery.

As the big wedding approaches on Friday, I'm growing more and more -- oh, I don't know what it is -- about this whole thing. I'm not truly anxious about it, it just seems like so many parts of it were inconveniently planned. And I also realize that since this isn't one of my own children's weddings, I should just shut up. But here, get this. The wedding itself is happening in a lovely place right on the Hudson River in New York, north of New York City. It is not also a hotel, so the bridal party and many others are staying in a hotel that is about six miles away, and there will be shuttles and limos, so we are told, so that anybody who wants to drink at the wedding can go right ahead and not have to worry about driving. All well and good. Now. The bride told me the other day that family pictures are at 3:30 on Friday, and really, I was touched to be included, since none of us are in the actual wedding party. I figured that would give us plenty of time to get to the hotel, dress and do hair and make-up there. I checked today; the check-in time at the hotel is 3:00. Hmm. Anyway, I've got my sister looking into the various time aspects of all this. The Hubs can't come early at all; he's coming from work, as I assume many of the guests are. R and I each took a personal day to have the time to get ready. I just don't know what's going on, which is probably what's making me feel like ... okay, like I don't know what's going on.

JJ, eldest nephew is in already from California. I talked to him on the phone before, and really, it did my heart good. My sister's sons are as close as I come to sons of my own; they are their sister are truly children of my heart. JJ asked if I could give him a quiet phone call tonight after the Hubs is home and had his dinner so that he can come over and say happy birthday in person.

I had the strangest day at work, not just all the I.D. cards, but no actual lunch period, since I was doing cards during both of the available times. I had my lunch at my desk at 10:30, and then I did the craziest thing: I went into our little stock room and lay myself down on the floor, my head on my backpack with my lunchbox in it, and just let my whole body relax while I played some mellow tunes on the iPhone. It totally recharged me, or at least, allowed me to keep my back upright for another several hours.

Okay, I'm going to go check the front porch again.

WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1853
READING: A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

VaCaDay Last *sob*

Yes, it's back to work tomorrow, and as if to remind me, today is a raw, gray day. This past week has been spectacular, weather-wise, and although I'm not much of an outdoor person, I enjoyed every minute of it.

I never got around to writing yesterday. R came by after lunch and stayed through dinner, and then K and I watched The Goblet of Fire on TV, which prompted me to watch The Order of the Phoenix today. I watched some other strange things that happened to be on, I think two movies yesterday and one today, but I don't remember what they are. Hmm.

Earlier today, on our way to Target, K said something about now when I get stressed she's going to tell me to read my new tattoo and remember what it means. (What will be, will be.) Uh ... yes. That's one of the reasons I got, I told her, so that I would always see it and remember that things are just going to happen and I can't let myself get crazy over it. Yes, it's my tattoo. I picked it. I get it.

She is just the happiest little clam these days (despite a three-day stomach ache) over the new car coming on Tuesday. I just hope nothing happens to mess up the deal; I'm always afraid of something happening to mess up something good that's coming. She's out now for a drive, saying an extended farewell to her old car. It's a 1995 Chevy that she's had for seven years; it has well over 100k miles on it. Won't be missed, certainly by me, and I think not for long by her either.

Next Sunday we will be going to the ILs for the FIL's 80th birthday party. I talked to the SIL this morning (who just got back from DisneyWorld, yay for her!) and we discussed the gifts to get him. Oh yes, excellent gifts are expected, apparently. He would like a GPS system and a DVD recorder. Well, okay, love of gadgets and toys are something he and I have in common. But seriously. A GPS system? He can't drive anymore and he never goes anywhere. The DVD recorder I can see, a little -- I picked one up for him at Target this morning -- but it will take until his 90th birthday for him to figure out how to use it. (He was once incredibly slick with this kind of stuff.) I've got more to rant on with him, but I'll pass for today. He really is a sweetheart, and I'm very, very fond of him, but sometimes he could drive a person crazy. Hey, my own parents drove me crazy and I loved them a lot. So I guess I shouldn't complain (although you know I will.)

It's not going back to school I mind, as such, but I don't relish the thought of an alarm at 5.30 am -- ooh, gotta set that alarm -- and all the steps involved in getting myself out of the house. I took all that stuff at a very easy pace this week. As it is, I've already laid out my clothes and taken out my lunch bag, and gotten the coffee pot ready. I have a very busy day tomorrow: five classes starting my website/autobiography project, and I'm looking forward to that. I threw together another example for them last night, which I'll share with you when I work the bugs out of it. Basically, I realized that I connect to history with my choice of tattoos and what each one stands for, so that's it, but I don't have FrontPage on my Mac (my webpage authoring software of choice) so I had to use Word, and the pages don't link together properly. I did check the HTML and it looks right, it just doesn't work. Anyway, I have it on a flash drive and I think my first class isn't until second period, so I should get a chance to fix it and upload it.

Speaking of birthdays, my sister's 60th is coming up in a few weeks. (I keep seeing commercials on TV for people to visit Israel, to celebrate Israel's 60th birthday. Same day, same birthday. They heard Ben-Gurion's announcement of Israeli independence on the day my sister was born.) Anyway, I'm working on a little celebration for her, one that doesn't involve everyone in the free world, since her family has grown huge in the last few years between step-children and children's spouses. She also just recently woke up and realized -- hello -- that it's possible for a person to own DVDs -- is she really my sister? -- so I'm thinking about the big set of Rogers and Hammerstein musicals, but I have to make sure Wonderful Niece hasn't already gotten it.

Oh, okay, I guess I'm going to go watch Thursday's Lost now. Again. I hate it being on at 10. I'm not sure if I'm alert enough at that hour to catch everything.

WATCHING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC :: ENTRY #1739

Rollin' the Double Nickel

So as of today, I am rollin' the double nickel, as we used to say in the seventies when mandatory 55 mph speed limits came into being. Today is my birthday and I am 55. As far as I'm concerned, this is a very good birthday, because the best ones are the ones where just a week or two ago, I couldn't even see how I was going to keep living, and here I am. 39 was like that, the birthday that came less than a month after the brain tumor. Last Sunday, I had to have my sister come and help me shower. Today, after I showered and dried my hair, I went to the cleaners' and the bank, and to a couple of drug stores looking for something. After lunch, the girls and I went to Best Buy and got me a new TV, which R set up with no difficulty at all. And for my birthday feast, I expect to order in Chinese food that I can chew, not just get soup, as I have for the last several weeks. Last week, I could only sip the broth, and couldn't even eat the wontons. Tonight? Shrimp. (But no broccoli. I don't think my colon could handle broccoli just yet.)

55 is also significant, of course, because this means that as of today, I am eligible for full retirement benefits. The teachers pension plan in New Jersey says that if you have a minimum of 25 years in -- and I have 31 or 32 -- you can retire at 55 with full benefits. Not that I'm going yet, as I've said a few times; I'd like to get in three more years, if I can. But there's an interesting sense of free fall associated with knowing that this particular option is now open.

My mission for tomorrow is to get toilet paper someplace, since I have allowed my stash to run astonishingly low in my illness. (My father is watching from somewhere, and grunting "Uhh!" because if there's anything Jack never ran low on, it was toilet paper.) And arranging for what I hope will just be a few limited absences from work this week. I expect to go in Monday afternoon, and from Wednesday on. I have that x-ray thing all Tuesday morning, so there won't be enough day to go in after; I've scheduled an urgently needed haircut since I can't go to work anyway. But starting Wednesday, I may be getting in a little late, but damn, I'm gonna get there.

Okay, gotta find something better to watch on the cool new TV.


WATCHING CRITIC'S CHOICE AWARDS :: ENTRY #1659

Still Not Dead

My weekend started to go downhill Saturday at 9.00 pm.

Let me back track a bit. Around 6.00, I got involved in this crazy iTunes project. K was engrossed in her computer and I asked her what she doing. She said she was going through her music and making sure that every song had an album title listed for it. Well, that sounded like something to do to me, so I started working on mine. Since a lot of my music is the stuff I heard on the radio in the early sixties, many of them were released as singles but never on albums. I must have gotten them from compilation albums. Anyway, it took me a long time.

At 9.00, I reached for my night-time pills, which I take at 9.00 every night. I have two of those pill containers that have a little compartment for each day, and that you fill at the beginning of the week. Because I am that old. The morning pills are in a green container and the night-time pills are in a white. And Saturday night, I reached somehow for the green container and took my morning pills for the second time that day instead of the white container that I should have taken.

And now the fun began. Instead of taking my night pills on top of everything, I carefully selected which ones I needed that wouldn't duplicate or interact with the ones I just took by mistake. The upshot was that I had taken my blood pressure meds twice in one day, and did not take the stuff that usually helps me sleep at night.

It was one of the worst night's sleep I ever had, if you can call that sleep. I was awake a lot, and when I slept, I had nightmares. I would wake myself up; at one point I was afraid to go back to sleep. When I finally did fall asleep, the nightmare continued from where it left off.

It was as if everything and everyone I had seen or thought of in the last week was in these dreams. The only good part was that my mother was in an early part, before it turned scary, and my father was in the last part, after it was okay. I like seeing them in my dreams. But otherwise, it was very creepy, and I was groggy and out of it all day.

But it was Birthday Fucking Sunday yesterday! Time to drive down the Parkway and have a day that I can never get back. Here's how that went down:

We were scheduled to meet the ILs at a restaurant near them that we've been going to (because it's too hard for her to cook and serve anymore). We hopped into my new car and off we went. I hoped to sleep in the car, but I just couldn't fall asleep.

I have become THE WORLD'S WORST PASSENGER. I think this is a combination of my natural tendencies, which I've always been able to keep in check, the few accidents I had two years ago where I was hit three times in three months, and yesterday's lack of sleep and bad dreams, which left me very on edge all day. Anyway, I was really trying to control it, but I guess I didn't do very well. You know how it is when you're driving, and you're passenger keeps wincing, or grabbing for the armrest, or stepping on an imaginary brake? Yeah, that was me yesterday. If I had been driving, I would have reached over and smacked me in the head.

And my stomach was upset, so by the time we arrived, I was a nervous wreck with a serious bathroom need. The restaurant was empty at that hour, but the music was very loud. It's an Italian restaurant which was very creatively playing Frank Sinatra, and then Tony Bennett all day. The music was lovely, but it was all that I could hear.

I was eating carefully, given my situation. What I got was Chilean Sea Bass, and although I can't tell you exactly how it was prepared -- it seemed to be in a Française sauce, which I love -- it was among the best meals I've ever had in my life. This was melt-in-your-mouth unbelievably delicious, and I even had the self-control not to stuff myself with the whole thing, but to bring half home.

After dinner, we went to the ILs house, about 15 minutes away. I have to tell you: if I ever become that slow, they have to put me away. I don't mean mentally slow, because they're both fine. They do everything slowly. The FIL has been this way for some time; it's his nature to be laid back. But this is insane. And they never have any sense of all the rest of us needing to make a long drive home, and would keep us there for hours and hours and hours, just to visit. (The SIL's family has to drive at least a half hour farther than we do, more when they pick up or drop off their son, whose college is a half-hour away from the ILs, but not on the way.)

Part of the ritual at the house is the giving of the birthday gifts. This is something else that she can stop doing. It's hard for her -- she has bad knees -- and she gets weird things. It would be better for her to go to the supermarket and get us each gift cards, if she felt the need to give something. And if there were no gifts, we would be just as happy.

The Hubs, his sister, and her Hubs all have September birthdays, and I have given the MIL permission to celebrate my birthday in September, too. She gave the Hubs a Civil War book, but it's like a Civil War encyclopedia for a high school level. He could write that. She gave me a lovely -- I guess -- necklace from Chico's, which is very sweet of her because now she knows it's my store, but it's not something I would wear. R's eyes lit up though, when I opened the box, so I gave it to her when we got home.

We finally left at 7.30. Who were all these people who were sure that there would be no traffic because it was only the Sunday of Labor Day weekend? I was not one of them. But get this: R drove home, and K sat in the front with her. THIS WAS THE BEST. I am a much better passenger in the back seat because I can't see what's going on out the front, and it was a very pleasant ride, despite the traffic. R doesn't get freaked by traffic like the Hubs does, although with his new personality, maybe he won't, either.

We got home at 9.00, I took the right pills, and got back to iTunes. I had finished the album-name project the night before, and was now making sure that all the songs on the same album show up that way. I don't know why they don't, so that there are two identical album names and cover art, but each one has half the songs on it, but it's fixable if you have the time and the mental problem. So I'm most of the way through that, and then I'll see if I can locate the missing album art for those that need it. (I have a desktop widget that does that.)

And here's something I don't get to say often: I SLEPT WELL LAST NIGHT. Wow, is this what it feels like? I woke up alert and not groggy, and not sore or achy anywhere. Most days I get out of bed like a little old person shuffling along, and everything hurts, from the soles of my feet on up. I've only been up for an hour, but so far, pretty good.

I need to go grocery shopping today and otherwise get ready to *cry* go back to work tomorrow. Tomorrow is a day of stupid meetings, and there is a keynote speaker. They never get it. Nobody wants to hear a keynote speaker on our first day back to work. We want to get to our rooms and get started. If there's time tomorrow, I will speak to the staff for a few moments; I'm on the agenda, but last year, the principal canceled all the high-school only remarks because the damn speaker took so long at the district meeting. At least this time, I've met with the principal and I'm clear on what to say, and I'm prepared if the meeting is canceled. On Wednesday morning, I will speak for a few minutes to the freshmen at their orientation assembly. I expect to be very busy for the next month or two, at least. Busy is good.

And maybe a Target run today, as I have something to return and there was something in the flyer I wanted to look at, although I don't remember what it was.

Okay, I'm diving back into iTunes for a little bit, and then all the rest of my tasks. Hope your long weekend is a good one.

WATCHING THE TODAY SHOW :: ENTRY #1573

The End of an Era

Well, sort of. There's a Twilight Zone marathon on the SciFi channel today, as there as been a TZ marathon on some channel for years and years now on July 4, Labor Day, and a variety of other holidays. Earlier, I happened to catch a moment of that creepy episode -- that narrows it down -- where there are four greedy relatives waiting for a wealthy old man to die, and he makes them wear masks and then their faces turn into the masks. Anyway, this one stands out for me because one of the mask-wearing relatives was played by a character actor named Milton Selzer.




Ah, Milton. I wrote about him once before. I never met him but I knew who he was my whole life because he was always on TV in something or other, and he had been one of my father's fraternity brothers at the University of New Hampshire in the late 1930s. For the last few years, each time I see him in something -- usually a TZ marathon -- I check him on imdb to see if he's still among us. I checked today for the first time in a long time -- probably since last Labor Day -- and I see that he is now gone. Seems like another link to Jack gone.


Otherwise, it's very overcast here today, not an outside day at all, not that I would be outside. Mostly, we've been watching a lot of the Back to the Futures that are on some channel or other all day. R landed safely in South Carolina before 11.00 this morning. I was just about to take a nap a little while ago when my cousin called from Colorado, so it was very nice to catch up with her. We don't talk often, but have always been close.

I've been reading this 8 Things About Yourself meme here, there, and everywhere, and I don't know if I can come up with 8 things you people don't already know about me. I may toss in one a day here or there, if I can think of anything. Not that I'm not random to begin with, but I guess that would be pretty random.

My back is still bothering me, which seems like a long time now, but then today feels like Sunday, which would make it a week, but it's only Wednesday.

Oh, okay, Random Fact #1:

boxx said something about a lot of her family members having birthdays on or near holidays. Now, one's definition of a holiday plays a role here, however:

1. Both of my mother's parents were born on different nights of Chanukah.
2. My father's mother's birthday was March 15, which was the original Income Tax Day. My father's father's birthday was July 4.
3. My father's oldest sister's birthday was January 20, Inauguration Day. Her husband's birthday was April 15, which is the current Income Tax Day.
   
4. My father's birthday was May 30, the original date of Memorial Day.
5. My mother's birthday was September 2, which was often Labor Day.
6. My cousin's birthday -- the one I was just speaking to -- is February 2, which is Ground Hog Day.
7. My sister was born on May 14, 1948, the day that Israel declared itself an independent nation and was recognized as such by the United States.
   
8. My grandfather's brother, Uncle Joe, had his birthday on October 12, which is Columbus Day. When my sister was born, Uncle Joe suggested to my parents that she be named "Palestine" in honor of the occasion of the day of her birth. She was not.
   
9. Uncle Joe and Aunt Sara were married on Christmas Day. My grandparents were married one week later, on New Year's Day.
10. My parents were married on Christmas Day.

I think that's it. No holiday for me. When I was a kid, I felt like the only one without a special birthday.

WATCHING OPRAH :: ENTRY #1515

The Next Day

[copied from dland]

Again, thanks for the neat birthday wishes and ecards and stuff.

We just got back from dinner out at a vegan Chinese restaurant in the small city where R lives. Very nice, and I've got plenty of Crispy Tofu for tomorrow. The sauce was delish.

So I continue to sleep a lot -- unusual for me -- and yet I am dragging myself around, exhausted. I got out of bed this morning at 8, an unheard of hour; I'd rather be in Target at 7 -- and by 11, I was leaving the supermarket and wondering if I had the energy to get to my car. I thought I'd close my eyes for a while when I got home, but the phone kept ringing. I did improve somewhat through the day, but I'm getting ready to crash again.

My knee is hurting me today, not where it was actually broken, but in the spot I felt the "pop" when it first happened. (The bone was fractured in the center, but the pain is on the side.) Since I know the bone is healed (which I know because it doesn't hurt every day, just sometimes) I am going to have to assume that this is something I just have to live with. Going to the gym is probably good for it, and I need to make myself go more often. I so love it there and feel good about being there and what I'm doing, I just can't get up the energy to go do it often enough. I'm shooting for tomorrow morning.

I also need to get better about using eye drops. In one of my recent searches for more hearing aid information, I came across the message boards for the Acoustic Neuroma Association, which I've seen before but haven't participated in for years. Once again, I do see how lucky I am, as many of these people were left with impairments far worse than mine. But others, it seems, had doctors who knew what they were doing beyond the surgery; mine did not. My surgery went very well, but it never occurred to him that physical therapy might help my facial paralysis, and that there were other treatments for my paralyzed eyelid. Even so, there was a board talking about dry-eye and they're right, eye drops often are the answer and I must do it. I was also curious to see that there are AN people exploring the use of Botox to help with some of the facial paralysis, which is interesting; apparently it has been helpful to some Bell's Palsy patients. Maybe I'll see what the new doctor has to say. It might do something for that spot over my right eyebrow that's kind of frozen in a down position, so unless I can relax my face 100% -- try that sometime -- I have a bit of a permanent scowl look. Wouldn't mind getting rid of that. The hope is that freezing the damaged muscle in a relaxed position, which the Botox does, will give the nearby muscles a chance to try to work normally so that when the Botox wears off in time the problem doesn't come back. I'm sure I'll have to ask a plastic surgeon at some point, but it's an interesting thought.

R was telling us all about her job at dinner, and she seems very happy about it. It looks like a pleasant and good job, and is probably one she can have for life, if she wants it. I already knew that this was a company that keeps employees very long term, but she confirmed it; the others told her that "nobody ever leaves."

K, in the meantime, went to campus today and got her student ID and textbooks, and starts classes on Wednesday. She's on a path, but sometimes it's hard for her to hear about her sister's cool job and all, although she's not actually jealous, as such. But by the time she's her sister's current age, she'll have a good job, too, teaching. It's what she wants, and always has. If she had taken a different route, she'd be teaching today, but you know, you make decisions and you have to deal with the results. She won't regret it in the long run, but she's losing patience with it a bit now, I think. Ah, well. It'll be better once the semester gets underway and she's busy.

Okay, it's the couch for me.


WATCHING SVU :: ENTRY #1347

Another One Down

[copied from dland]

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my birthday well-wishers.

I've been having an uneventful yet not unpleasant birthday. I got a card from the Colleague and a box of Polish chocolates from Media Girl. (She's an immigrant from Poland, although now an American citizen, and always gives yummy ethnic treats for gifts. She's a doll, in fact.) The SCM, no surprise, didn't remember. I had an email from the Hubs as soon as he got into the office, and a call from R on her walk to the train this morning. K is at work for a bit more, and then she and the Hubs will be home and R will call back and we'll see if we want to do anything for dinner. The Sibs' phone is out of order, so I guess she'll call me later on her cell, but I can't call her.

The highlight of my day was taking Boo to the vet after school for his rabies shot. In my boredom there, I took a cellphone video of him yowling in the carrier for you all, but I can't get it posted. Maybe tomorrow.

I had an interesting class in this morning, a group of five from a kind of alternative program we have for emotionally troubled kids. It's part of our school but meets regularly in another building; they only came today for an hour and a half to use the library. Five kids and two teachers, and let me tell you, they could have used another one. It amazes me to see what some teachers are capable of and choose to do as their careers, in this case, to work with very needy and demanding kids. But they were very sweet with me; they're not nasty, just trying to get out of work or escape down the hall. I also did a chunk of re-cataloging as well as processing new books, and that always make me feel like a real librarian again, so I liked that. I put aside a half dozen new books to bring home and look over but I forget them in school. I remember that one was How We Are Hungry by Dave Eggers and another was What Lincoln Believed by Michael Lind. I can't recall what the others were, but the Eggers book was the only fiction in the box, and the biographies were all kid books, you know, for research projects, not fun to read. Oh right, one was a guide to selecting graphic novels for the library, so that's professional reading.

Graphic novels. Are you familiar with those? The classic is Maus: A Survivor's Tale by Art Spiegelman, but take me past that and I'm clueless. All the others just look like Classics Illustrated Comics to me. Maus was an amazing, original story told in words and pictures. The few others I've seen are not, but then, I'm not an animé fan, and maybe a lot of it is that. Hence the professional reading.

So I've gotten the cat shot, which means that now he can get bathed on Monday because, remember, he smells. I was amused, as always, when it was his turn at the vet's and they called out "Boo ItalianLastName?" So weird, you know, like "Mittens Goldberg?" or for that matter, "Snowflake Smith?" I know who I am; if you call "Boo?" or for that matter, "Mrs. ItalianLastName?" I'll know it's our turn. Hey, couldn't Mary the receptionist have just said "Chai?" It's not like we haven't known each other for twenty years and live around the corner from each other and our kids all went to school together.

We finally have normal January weather, for whatever that's worth. No real snow, of course, although they had flurries for five minutes somewhere yesterday. But it's cold enough. Can't say I care for it, but at least it feels normal.

Okay, I'm off.


WATCHING STILL STANDING :: ENTRY #1346

Writing Challenge

[copied from dland]

I'm either going to have to write less often or start making stuff up. Yesterday I chose the first one. I suppose I could make stuff up, but why bother when my real life is so exciting?

[You may snort along with me here.]

I did come up with a major revelation today, which I'm pretty impressed with. There are just lots of people sick around here, some with colds like mine that never really go anywhere, sore throats, itchy eyes and so on. Only yesterday I had to admit that this two-week cold is probably allergies after all. And then I realized why. It's the fucking weather, or rather, the lack thereof.

In an ordinary year, we have a good solid first frost absolutely no later than early November. What the first frost does is kill all the mold blowing around out there in the dead and dying vegetation, freezes it and kills it, so after that, the wind can blow, but nobody's breathing in mold. When was our first frost this year?

I'll let you know.

Here it is, January, and so far, no killing frost. They probably have had one as nearby as the northern edge of New Jersey along the New York state border, which is in the same county I live in, but not here. It must be worse farther south. When I talked to the Colleague on the phone last Sunday, she had almost no voice at all, which is the first place her allergies hit her; she said it started as they drove over the state border into the southern state where her son lives. I know I should start using all the nasal sprays I have, but I just hate them, hate doing that. Anyway, it's my eyes stinging all the time, not just the stuffiness. Oh right, eye drops. Yeah, I don't like doing that, either.

My mission for tomorrow morning is yoga, followed by by normal Saturday errands, and then home. R is coming by briefly in the afternoon. She's starting her new job on Monday! And get this: I just stopped writing for a bit to talk to the Sibs, and it seems that Wonderful Niece has also just gotten a job and started today. She was in court like a real lawyer! All these kids growing up, I just don't know. (Yes I do. It's excellent!)

Just took another short break to call OldFriend for her birthday, and left a message. When her birthday dawns, can mine be far behind? You know, we had always planned to get together on the Sunday between our 50th birthdays, but our birthdays fell on Sundays that year, and we were both caught up elsewhere. I have pledged to her that we will spend our birthdays together four years from now, when we turn 58. Why 58? Because then we will have been friends for 50 years. (My parents had already bought the house across the street from hers, but we didn't move in until March. Even so, I was invited to her 8th birthday party and she was to mine, and I was driven over to play with her a few times before we moved.)

Jeez, I'm not saying much, but it sure is taking me hours to say it here. I must have started typing hours ago, but I'm just going in fits and starts. Better post before I fall asleep.


WATCHING INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO :: ENTRY #1340

A Very Merry Re-Birthday to Me

[copied from dland]

**In 26 days I will be 50 years old**

A short happy entry today: it is my re-birthday, and I am 11 years old.

Not to be confused with the real birthday, the BIG one, coming up in just 26 days. (See above.) The re-birthday is the day I celebrate that I had a brain tumor cut out of my head and lived to tell the tale.

Eleven years ago. Holy cow. More than half out of the lives of either of my children. They have no clear memories of me before hearing with both ears and being able to walk a straight line. But really, why would they?

Enough, enough. It is really very cool that I get to celebrate this one each year, and that as a result I get to celebrate the other one, too. That's all!


ENTRY #30

In 77 Days, I Will Be This Many

[copied from dland]

I want a cool birthday countdown counter on my diary page, and I want a cool birthday, too

My mind is all a-swirl with anticipation at the upcoming-ness of my annual birth anniversary. Really. If there's anything I look forward to with the eagerness of a ... (imagine a cool metaphor here) ... it is my wonderful birthday.

It's not as if everyone doesn't have one, so this then becomes the epitome of my negative/positive, optimist/pessimist thing, that personality quirk that I tend to apply to everything. But the birthday thing goes to both extremes, herewith:

Everyone has a birthday. Every day is somebody's birthday. There are places all over the world where impoverished or otherwise calendar-impaired aboriginal peoples don't even know what birthdays are. It is so not a big deal.

But it's MY BIRTHDAY! MINE, MINE, MINE! It's so cool, it's going to be MY BIRTHDAY!

And not for two months yet, and I'm already experiencing this exultation over this event that will be ordinary in the lives of everyone else I know and don't know. MY BIRTHDAY!

Will anyone notice? My family will notice and say happy birthday and that's nice. Maybe I'll bring in cupcakes for the lunch crowd at school.

Let's review the other landmark birthdays:

18 - Don't remember a thing about it. Actually, I think there was a teacher strike and the school was closed so I probably sat at home by myself thinking "Wow. Birthday. Wow."

19 - Landmark because it was my best birthday ever, at least up until then. Living in the dorm, great friends, great day, about 75 degrees in January.

21 - Not so very good. Feeling not so very good, later found out unpleasant medical news, taken care of, but birthday rather sucked.

30 - FREAKED OUT! 30 ... moi? Couldn't be. I was weird all day until someone pointed out that my mother might have feelings on the subject, since her baby was 30. Once my perspective was properly adjusted, I was okay.

40 - Felt pretty damn good to be 40, considering that I'd had a brain tumor removed at 39 and was still around to be 40. Excellent birthday, 40.

50. 50 is coming. In 77 days, exactly, but I couldn't get the birthday counter site to work, so I had to use my fingers and a calculator. Another day, perhaps.

50 in two months, January 12, 2003. I want ... I want this:

I want a birthday party, with all Mickey Mouse plates and napkins and cups, and I want everyone to wear hats and have noisemakers, and I want to hear "Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me?" playing in the background. I want to get presents that I can open, but I don't care what they are. They don't have to be anything but key chains from the Disney store or the like, but I want them to be wrapped and I want to rip off the paper. I want a cake, but not a chocolate cake, although it would be okay if the cake were made out of Hostess chocolate cupcakes with the squiggle on them. I like those. I want all the people I care about to be there, but not other people I don't care about. I could make a list; I guess there would be about 20 or 30 people. That would be a good number.

50. First birthday without mommy there. (Too old to call her mommy? No problem; I don't call her that anymore.) I thought it sucked about four years ago, when I called her on the morning of my birthday and she told me all her aches and pains and forgot totally that it was my birthday until daddy yelled in the background "Say happy birthday!" and she said it. I was pissed off, there she was so caught up in herself that she didn't even remember her own offspring's birthday. I wasn't asking for a lot, just that she pull out of her own inner-directed angst for 30 seconds. She did apologize afterwards, so that was nice. And she was dying, after all, even though she didn't reach the end until just this past May.

So this year, 50. No phone call to or from. And most likely, no party, Mickey Mouse or otherwise. That's what happens when you tell your loved ones there's no need to make a fuss. They fucking believe you.

Nothing is ever as clear as you think it is, or should be, or can be. Nothing, at least, that I've ever thought about.


ENTRY #11