At the Salon

It was an amusing day, because the SCM was out, and K was indeed his substitute. I was a little aggressive this morning when I got to school -- at 6.45 -- to make sure that the ladies who schedule the substitutes didn't take mine away, since I had business outside the library for five out of the eight periods in the day, and they didn't. K says it was the easiest money she ever made, and considering she had a few kids who were damn rude to her yesterday and had to be referred for disciplinary action, she wasn't kidding.

Anyway, the interesting parts of my day seemed to take place between 3.30 and 4.45, at the nail salon.

First, I got there a little early, and the Sibs was there in my chair, being finished up. Always a nice surprise, getting to chat with her in person unexpectedly. She finished and sat at the nail dryer and I got started, we talked about one thing or another, and then her driver arrived. Oy. Not only can my sister drive, she has a year old Prius that has maybe 500 miles on it -- I swear it's still on its first tank of gas -- but her hubby likes to drive her places, so she lets him. He dropped her off for her appointment, he came back to pick her up. Oh, okay. I was facing the front window and saw him coming, and I said "Oh, your ride's here!" and when he came in I threw him a very cheery "Hi!" and he looked around the room at the various manicurists and said a cheerful "Hi, ladies!"

I think I am somehow invisible to him. I really don't know what it is. I do know that he is sometimes odd with people, since apparently I don't have the market cornered on socially odd husbands in the family, but yes, I take offense at it. There have been a few times when I've stood right in front of him with no one else around, spoken to him directly, and gotten no reply or recognition whatsoever. It's weird. It's possible he sees me as some kind of threat to his lock on the Sibs' attention, and it's true that she doesn't generally hesitate to spend time with me when she's so motivated, but I don't think he has to worry. I'm happy that she's happy, but I was certainly the loser here, since we used to spend a LOT of time together and now we don't. (Not bitter, just saying.) But he is strange.

So, in and among the ladies at the salon, there is one young male manicurist. This is common in some places, but it still feels strange to me, although he has never done my nails or toes. He is, of all odd things, half Korean and half Chinese. He considers himself ethnically Korean but was born and raised in China and came here a year ago; he speaks Korean and Chinese, but very little English. Which began today's adventure.

Tom -- he says his name is Tom -- said to the woman sitting next to me getting her nails done, kind of out of the blue, something like "Where ... you leave?" She was a little taken aback, but said "I live in Townname." He looked puzzled, and said again, "Where ... you leave?" Then he said something in Korean to Mimi, who was doing the woman's nails, who asked Grace, who was doing mine, and Grace said to him "Where you living?" And then the other customer and I realized that Tom was studying his English book, and didn't want to know where anyone lives, he just wants to know how to ask the question. So we were both repeating "Where do you live?" and "Where do you live?" and so on, and he kind of caught on and went back to his book.

And Mimi asks us if it's "live" or "leave", and decides she has it right and announces "I leave in Townname." Oy. And now we are explaining to these poor women "live" [exist] versus "live" [Live on TV tonight!] and leave [get out] and leaves [on the trees] and you know what? English really is a crazy language. Grace, whom I think was somewhat well educated in Korea, finally heard the difference between live and leave and said, with some recognition, "Oh. One is a short sound and one is long." Why, yes. Exactly.

And then she was telling me about some of the difficulties involved, some in not being fluent in the language of the place you live, and some in the sense she has that she doesn't really belong anywhere. She sees that her children are totally Americanized -- two boys, one in college, one in high school -- and she sees her culture slipping away from them, and that makes her sad. But when she went back to Korea for a visit eight years ago, she didn't belong there either, because so much had changed since she left years earlier to come here. She told me about her frustration of having her car break down and not being able to explain clearly, in English of course, to the mechanic what the problem was, when she could have explained quite well in Korean. She wondered why we have the words talk, say, tell -- why so many that mean the same thing? I told her about the Eskimos having 20 words for snow, or whatever that old wives' tale is, and she was amused. She really does struggle for a lot of English words, but if she's not rushed -- or tired, she says -- she'll come up with them. I suggested that she watch TV in English, but she says everyone talks so fast, she loses the thread of what's going on.

And we thought we had it tough.

So, a little window into a different way of looking at things. I'm very fond of Grace, and Mimi also. Tom not so much, but hey. It's certainly different to have a friend who doesn't exactly speak the same language I do.

WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1742

News of the Day

Well, the news here is that one of us has actually, finally achieved a brand new car.

Okay, it isn't exactly brand new, but it's as good as. It's a 2008 with only 9000 miles on it and it was a dealer's car, it never had an actual owner before. So that counts. It is cute as a button. (K is actually going out now to look at it one more time before she settles in to do some schoolwork and go to bed.) Here it is:



I'm glad she's happy. I certainly hope it lasts through the weekend. (Just kidding. I mean, I'm not, but I am.)

Otherwise, school is just schooling along. It occurred to me today that I am going to retire someday (duh) and probably the same year as the SCM, so each of us had better write up a little manual of what we do. I started on it today, since it will take some time, plus I'll add and change as I go along. And then I realized that since the *pardon me* moron who's supposed to observe me this year forgot again yesterday, I can hand him this as evidence of what I do and something I've done. Not that he'll read it, because two years ago when I gave him all the documentation on how I supervised closing down the whole library, he took it as if I was putting poison in his hands and then asked if I could just make a list of two or three things I'd done that year. Whatever. I don't gots to do his job, too, on top of mine, y'know?

(Many years back, I'm guessing 22 or so, there was this toy that was heavily advertised on TV, a large piano keyboard that you put on the floor and "play" by dancing on it. It was the home version of the thing in the movie "Big." Anyway, the TV ad was accompanied by a very serious announcer's voice that intoned at the end: "If you've got feet, you can play ... " whatever it was called. And little two year old K heard this one day, and turned to me, both puzzled by the commercial and very sure of her own knowledge, and announced "Everybody gots feet." Just a little word history, there, folks.)

I had a most unsatisfying dinner at IHOP, ordinarily one of my favorite places since breakfast for dinner is one of my favorite meals, but the weirdest thing was that the coffee smelled funny. Now listen, doesn't coffee have a distinctive and wonderful aroma? This smelled like maybe they had used some sort of cleaning solvent instead of water, or like the cup had been taken out of musty storage after years and washed with some sort of industrial strength cleanser. Okay, everybody say EEEUUUUWWW. But I don't seem to be dead yet, and I think if I'd actually drunk poison I'd know by now, right? So I'm okay. I'm just saying. (Why did I drink the smelly coffee? I don't know, it was coffee, I ordered coffee, I drank it. I'm not claiming to be Einstein here.)

LOL, K just came in from the driveway giggling and smiling; she washed her windshield. Her old car had a hole in the windshield fluid tank, so she hasn't done that in a long time, and she was very excited. Ach, it's the little things, so they say.

(My tattoo, btw, is amusing people at school. Those of my general generation get it at once, the younger not as much. But they're all amused by it. Hey, I try.)

WATCHING BEAUTY AND THE GEEK :: ENTRY #1741

Back to Work

Ah yes, I was back at work today. My five classes went really well. Here's the link to the new sample website I made for them, which links me to history through my tattoos.

Last night I reached my goal of copying over all the old dland entries from my first year (2002, October through December) and last year (I had the first three months of 2007 to finish.) So now I only have four years (!) to go, or something like about a thousand entries. That oughta keep me out of trouble for a while.

I'm feeling all tense this afternoon, and I can't even identify why so I can try to work it out. Maybe it's the rain, and the cold; I don't know. I had to put the heat back on when I got home, and I got my feet all wet getting in and out of the car and such. I may be nervous about getting K's car tomorrow, because I always anticipate disaster. I don't know. I would like that knot in my stomach to go away now, please.

Ach, I just remembered I don't have a lottery ticket for tonight, and how am I going to win if I don't have a ticket? I know that money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure would take some of the pressure off, y'know?

So I guess that's it. I've got a load of laundry to get from the basement and put away, and I really wanted this pizza I had in the freezer so I sort of ate dinner at 4:15, which wasn't too smart, since now it's almost 5 and I'd really like to eat dinner again. A dilemma. On the other hand, I'd be happy to pick out tomorrow's clothes and set up the coffee maker now, and go to sleep for the night. It's not that I'm tired, particularly, just bored, and tense. I really wish I knew what the hell that was. No reason for it that I can see.

Oh well.

WATCHING THE GOLDEN GIRLS :: ENTRY #1740

VaCaDay Last *sob*

Yes, it's back to work tomorrow, and as if to remind me, today is a raw, gray day. This past week has been spectacular, weather-wise, and although I'm not much of an outdoor person, I enjoyed every minute of it.

I never got around to writing yesterday. R came by after lunch and stayed through dinner, and then K and I watched The Goblet of Fire on TV, which prompted me to watch The Order of the Phoenix today. I watched some other strange things that happened to be on, I think two movies yesterday and one today, but I don't remember what they are. Hmm.

Earlier today, on our way to Target, K said something about now when I get stressed she's going to tell me to read my new tattoo and remember what it means. (What will be, will be.) Uh ... yes. That's one of the reasons I got, I told her, so that I would always see it and remember that things are just going to happen and I can't let myself get crazy over it. Yes, it's my tattoo. I picked it. I get it.

She is just the happiest little clam these days (despite a three-day stomach ache) over the new car coming on Tuesday. I just hope nothing happens to mess up the deal; I'm always afraid of something happening to mess up something good that's coming. She's out now for a drive, saying an extended farewell to her old car. It's a 1995 Chevy that she's had for seven years; it has well over 100k miles on it. Won't be missed, certainly by me, and I think not for long by her either.

Next Sunday we will be going to the ILs for the FIL's 80th birthday party. I talked to the SIL this morning (who just got back from DisneyWorld, yay for her!) and we discussed the gifts to get him. Oh yes, excellent gifts are expected, apparently. He would like a GPS system and a DVD recorder. Well, okay, love of gadgets and toys are something he and I have in common. But seriously. A GPS system? He can't drive anymore and he never goes anywhere. The DVD recorder I can see, a little -- I picked one up for him at Target this morning -- but it will take until his 90th birthday for him to figure out how to use it. (He was once incredibly slick with this kind of stuff.) I've got more to rant on with him, but I'll pass for today. He really is a sweetheart, and I'm very, very fond of him, but sometimes he could drive a person crazy. Hey, my own parents drove me crazy and I loved them a lot. So I guess I shouldn't complain (although you know I will.)

It's not going back to school I mind, as such, but I don't relish the thought of an alarm at 5.30 am -- ooh, gotta set that alarm -- and all the steps involved in getting myself out of the house. I took all that stuff at a very easy pace this week. As it is, I've already laid out my clothes and taken out my lunch bag, and gotten the coffee pot ready. I have a very busy day tomorrow: five classes starting my website/autobiography project, and I'm looking forward to that. I threw together another example for them last night, which I'll share with you when I work the bugs out of it. Basically, I realized that I connect to history with my choice of tattoos and what each one stands for, so that's it, but I don't have FrontPage on my Mac (my webpage authoring software of choice) so I had to use Word, and the pages don't link together properly. I did check the HTML and it looks right, it just doesn't work. Anyway, I have it on a flash drive and I think my first class isn't until second period, so I should get a chance to fix it and upload it.

Speaking of birthdays, my sister's 60th is coming up in a few weeks. (I keep seeing commercials on TV for people to visit Israel, to celebrate Israel's 60th birthday. Same day, same birthday. They heard Ben-Gurion's announcement of Israeli independence on the day my sister was born.) Anyway, I'm working on a little celebration for her, one that doesn't involve everyone in the free world, since her family has grown huge in the last few years between step-children and children's spouses. She also just recently woke up and realized -- hello -- that it's possible for a person to own DVDs -- is she really my sister? -- so I'm thinking about the big set of Rogers and Hammerstein musicals, but I have to make sure Wonderful Niece hasn't already gotten it.

Oh, okay, I guess I'm going to go watch Thursday's Lost now. Again. I hate it being on at 10. I'm not sure if I'm alert enough at that hour to catch everything.

WATCHING NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC :: ENTRY #1739

VaCaDay 7

So here it is:



This has been the most amazing week of weather for a vacation week. Every single day has been sunny and warm and perfect. The colder temps and rain are coming back tomorrow, I think, but this week was delightful. Never had to wear a jacket once.

You know, I wanted this week to be relaxing, and it was. I never made a big list of tasks to do, I just kept a little running list on a post-it and erased the stuff when it was done. Today I threw out the little blank list. (Okay, I didn't actually erase the last thing because that would have been weird.) I saw the podiatrist this morning, speaking of weird, and then had a nice lunch with the Sibs at The Cheesecake Factory and then we went to Costco. I was so good at Costco, too; I only spent $35, which you wouldn't think was even possible there. All I got was a box of plastic knives, some ankle socks, one DVD and a book. I got the first volume of The Spiderwick Chronicles. I'm not sure why, but it's a cute little book, and that appeals to me.

Speaking of which, after I finished A Thousand Splendid Suns the other night -- excellent book -- I went on a tear to find something else to read on the Palm. I downloaded and started Julie Andrews' memoir, Home, and then last night, I thought to check a free ebook site for something I'd been looking for, a book written over a hundred years ago called Looking Backward, and they had it because it's old and out of copyright, and I downloaded a few more from there, too. And I have a real book pre-ordered from Amazon coming next week, The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon, whose The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay I liked so much last summer. I love it when I'm on a reading binge. I haven't had a real good one in years and years.

As I mentioned, I've been looking over a lot of old entries, and seriously, I have to apologize to you all for the typos and spelling mistakes. Foxfire, the browser I use now, spellchecks, so I'm finding all the mistakes in the old entries as I bring them up. (Spellcheck, btw, is a mistake. It must be spell check. Okay, it is.) Oh, and I'm really really sorry I wrote so much about food and losing weight. Something else I think I'm over in this life.

One of the things I didn't get to this week -- I erased it off the post-it yesterday -- was cleaning. Well, I'm on vacation. I'll get back to it, but it's not bothering me, so there.

WATCHING THE GOLDEN GIRLS :: ENTRY #1738

VaCaDay 6

Just an average, ordinary day. Bought a car, got a tattoo.

Okay, K is buying the car, but with some assistance, which is okay. We looked at Toyotas yesterday, and at Hondas and Mazdas today. (Speaking of Mazdas, am I the only one who hears "Mazda" and thinks "Piston engines go boing boing boing boing boing, Mazda engines go hmmmmmmmmmm"? Okay, I am.)

Anyway. The upshot is that she is getting a one-year old Yaris with only 9000 miles on it because it was a showroom car for two or three thousand dollars less than she could have gotten a three or four year old Honda or Mazda with a lot more miles. This is a used car that is essentially a new car, with the new car warranty and all, and all up-to-date stuff in it. The Yaris is a strange little car, but it looks very nice and dependable. We'll pick it up on Tuesday, although she says she has "The Veruca Salts", which is to say, She wants is NOOOOWWW! Although she understands that we need to go to the bank, call the insurance, etc.

The tattoo took literally five minutes. At the moment, it's still bandaged, so I'll get you a picture tomorrow.

And that's it. The weather has just been remarkable this week, a perfect vacation week. Oh, I forgot. This little bit of news. Now, we have this fabulous bike/walking path that runs along a river through several towns. Although this did not happen in our town, it happened this morning right near the part of the path where K walks every morning, but didn't today, because we were car shopping. On our way home, we rode over a bridge over the path and there were news trucks covering the story of the bear on the bike path. Swell.

Okay, that's really it. Boy, you don't know how much you use your right hand (if you're right handed) until you've got a big black plastic bandage over your wrist, and you're thinking about how often that part of your arm where the tattoo is touches stuff.



WATCHING L/O :: ENTRY #1737

VaCaDay 5

It was a very random day.

I woke up to an absolutely dreadful smell coming from the kitchen. It took some hunting to detect that its source was the refrigerator -- after I'd emptied the compost bucket and cleaned it with boiling water -- and then I scrubbed out the inside of the fridge. No luck. Turns out it was some garlic-heavy food that the Hubs had made last night for tonight's dinner. It was just a bit overpowering.

What took up most of my day was copying over old diary entries, now that I have a rhythm going. I did fifty, maybe, maybe more. The interesting part of doing this is reading the old entries. Although I only have a few more to go and then 2007 is finished, I decided to work on 2002, and I only have a few of those left, too. These were my first diary entries, since I started in October, 2002, and wasn't very good about the every day thing then. Some of it is startling, but not in a bad way; my father was still alive then and so of course I referred to him, to talking to him, and so on. The whole process (the copying over, not diary-keeping in general, although that too) has become a little addictive. I'll probably do more tomorrow, if I get the chance, but I think I'm finished for tonight.

We actually put down a deposit on a car for K today, although we'll be looking more tomorrow. Her current car, a 1995 Chevy Cavalier with a dented in front fender, has now lost its air conditioning, which will cost maybe $800 to fix. No point in putting that much money in that old a car. (Over 110k miles on it.) We're looking for a decent used car that we can finance through the dealer, and we have one now (a Toyota), but we're going to look at Hondas tomorrow, and then go to her crazy college (see yesterday's entry) and then it's new tattoo time for me!

I'm going to read a bit now, I think. A Thousand Splendid Suns. Depressing, but very good.

WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1736

VaCaDay 4

Yeah, Earth Day, whatever. I have a problem with any of these days that are designated as special days when we're supposed to do what we're actually supposed to be doing every day. You have now seen my Daily Moment of Cynicism.

If you are one of the folk who pick me up via RSS feed, I apologize for swamping your reader with entries. I decided this morning that since I had nothing else to do, I would copy over some entries from the old dland diary site. I mark these with "Copied from diaryland" as the first line, so if you see that in the RSS feed, it's an old entry. I'm currently finishing up March, 2007 and will move into February next. More on that in a moment.

It was a slow morning today; I woke up with a headache that I'd had since about three a.m. but hadn't gotten up to take some Tylenol until 4:30. I still had it when I finally got up around 7:30, and still have it now, a little. So I've been taking the day slowly. My only real goal was to be up and dressed in time for my therapy appointment, which was at noon, but I ended up with some time to kill, hence the diary moving.

I like this therapist very much. Today we discussed just a few entry-level sort of things to do when stressed. Among other things, she gave me my own personal little can of Pla-Doh, more to focus on when I'm trying to do other calming things than to play with. She only had a few colors in the bag and I picked the black one because I've never seen black Pla-Doh before, but I'm sure that means something.

Anyway, one of the strategies we discussed was distraction, and I realized that copying over old diary entries is a helluva good one. Not that I'm stressed today; I'm not, but when I am, hey, I've got over four years of entries to move over, so I should have plenty of distraction available to me for a long time.

So the week is drifting along, as it should, and the weather is remarkable out there. Later, when K gets home, we may take R's old bicycle in to the shop to be cleaned up and tuned up so that K can do some riding in addition to her walking. (Hey, I guess I could do that too; I always loved bicycling. There's a thought.) Anyway, R has no room for at this point, so someone might as well get use out of it. It's just a matter of lifting it off the garage wall and getting it into my car; it's not heavy. No other plans for today. Oh yeah, I have laundry to put away, but that's not really a plan.

On Thursday, pre-tattoo, we need to make a visit to the bursar's office at that goofy college she goes to. Get this: they have not charged us for this semester's tuition. Assuming they would, I sent in a payment, but they sent us a refund. Her account still shows no balance. Now, this would be great if it's real, but I'm thinking they'll keep telling us there's no charge for this semester, why?, but then they'll hold her diploma, or worse, cancel her registration for student teaching and claim we owe all this money. Which we do and we know it, we just can't get them to take our payment. How weird is that?

Okay, I'm off to fold laundry or copy over more diary entries. One or 'tother.

WATCHING L/O :: ENTRY #1735

VaCaDay 3

John Adams is dead, finally. (And Thomas Jefferson survives. No, wait ...) It was a good mini-series, but it seemed never-ending, which I suppose has something to do with Adams living into his nineties and being a relatively unpleasant person throughout. (The phrase used to describe him repeatedly in the movie 1776 is "obnoxious and disliked.")

I think I have not slept well the nights I watched those episodes, for some reason, and last night, after all the tearful moments of everyone dying here and there, I just tossed and turned for hours. So I'm very tired today. But it was a good day.

I went to Kohl's twice, even though I tried on what I bought in the store, I realized at home that one pair of cropped jeans were okay, but the other fit me really well. So I took back the okay and got another really well in a different color denim. In between, I took stuff to recycling, dropped off my tattoo design so they can prepare it for Thursday, bought lottery tickets, and listened to more Harry Potter in the car. I'm also eating a lot of jelly beans. If I have them in the house, I will eat them. And I have them. But I'm closing the jar now.

I thought I would try one of my exercise videos this morning as soon as I got up, but you know, that early morning exercise thing is a part of my past. I got up mentally prepared to do it, and as I limped into the bathroom on the hip that aches for the first hour or so that I'm up every day, I said to myself "Who are you kidding? You're lucky you can walk at all early in the morning." So. But I did do arm exercises with weights last night, and I'll do that again tonight. I'll have to see when I can work in anything else.

Otherwise, I'm just tired. I really hope I sleep tonight.

WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1734

VaCaDay 2

So it's Sunday, which feels like a vacation day most weeks anyway, but I'm very full of the vacation mindset, so that's what it is. Even though we made our normal Sunday Target run, which is the same as every other week.

I slept badly last night, and took two naps today, one in the morning before K even got up, and another this afternoon. In between, my mission has apparently been to fine tune my little list of what I want to do this week, and do whatever I could get done today, which was filing or shredding papers, making sure I had no bills to pay, and straightening up my desk. Whenever I get up tomorrow, which is likely to be around 7.30, I can start getting other things done, like a trip to CVS and to Kohl's. I seem always to be motivated to get things done and crossed off my list so that my list will be empty and I will have no tasks to do, but then, of course, I'm bored. Gotta work that out in my head before I retire, eh?

As I mentioned on Twitter last night, I got an unexpected call from my dear OldFriend, who had herself unexpectedly heard that her brother died. Now, she is as good hearted and gentle a person as lives; she is just like her father was, who died suddenly when we were 16. Her brother was her step-brother, 8 years older, and from her mother's first marriage. He was an angry, unhappy person, just like their mother is. Some years ago, he cut off all contact with OF and her mother, not because he had any issues with his sister, but because I guess for him it was all or nothing. Sadly, OF was at that time depending on him for a lot of support -- not financial -- because she was having a lot of medical problems and he was a well-reputed doctor in another state who was trying to get her connected to the right doctors who could help her. And then one day he stopped calling, as if he vanished off the face of the earth. So she is lacking any kind of closure with him, is not really sure how he died, and is surprised that his grown daughter even called her to tell her. (And said, btw, please tell your mother. Not what's grandma's number, or will you tell grandma? Just please tell your mother. That her son died. Not a great job for anyone, but especially not for someone who isn't strong herself.) So that was last night's situation. OF apologized for calling me (not sure why) and said she didn't know what else to do, and I reminded her that she is to call me anytime ever for anything. We go back a long way together.

So it was a quiet day today; everybody took a long walk except me, but I'll get there. I have the whole Deathly Hallows audiobook loaded on the iPod, so that's a lot to listen to when I walk. I'm shooting for Tuesday, if not tomorrow.

WATCHING THE GOODBYE GIRL :: ENTRY #1733

VaCaDay 1

It is an unbelievably beautiful day here today, which means even I got out of the house. Not like other people, to spend time outside, because hahahahaha, but I was out and about in the world, doing this and that. Everybody else is walking like mad, and I hope to try to get back to some of that this week as well. The Hubs walked maybe 8 miles this morning? Something like that, and K walked 4 or 5, I think. I am very proud of both of them, and all this getting outside has turned the Hubs back into Dr. Jekyll, as it were, the good one. After his walk, he spent hours and hours building a great big cage -- one that he can open a door and walk into -- around his tomato garden, because for the last few years, the squirrels think he is planting all those tomatoes for them. They'll just have to eat sparkplug wires instead this year.

Excuse me for a moment; time to order the Chinese food.

(Musak plays while you hold on.)

Okay, I'm back. One of my missions today was to go to the tattoo place and consult with them, and make my appointments, which I did. All is going according to The Plan. They suggested some other fonts and told me what to look for in a font, and when I got home, I succeeded in downloading some fonts and getting them to work in Word, so now I have exactly what I want. I'm getting the one on my lower arm done on Thursday of this week, and the one on my lower leg done on May 2 (just in time for the FIL's 80th birthday party two days later, heh heh.)

My big task for tomorrow is to put away all my clean clothes and a few new shirts I got today, which is more stuff to fit into my closet that I don't have room for, so something's gotta give. I'm not thinking about it today. We could go to Target tomorrow, as one does, on a Sunday, but why bother when we can go any day this week? I just love VaCa.


WATCHING SCRUBS :: ENTRY #1732

I Have Got A PLAN

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I got it. And here's what I'm getting:

On my right forearm, close to my wrist but not over any of those pesky veins, and running parallel to the length of my arm, que sera, sera. The whole thing will be maybe an inch long, perhaps a bit longer. I need to be careful about where it goes on my right arm because I'm always getting IV's and stuff stuck in there, and damned if I want to have a tattoo that keeps getting punched into by some medical procedure.

Then. On the back of my left leg, just above the ankle, the single word imagine., all lower case in a typewriter font, with a period at the end of it. Also not more than in inch across.

I would like these to be not black, if possible, but I do think that four purple tattoos borders on the oddly obsessive, so I'll ask about other colors. I'm going to go in tomorrow and make an appointment, or possibly two, to have them done separately. I definitely want to get the arm tattoo next week, when I'm off of work, but I don't want the other one to interfere with my pedicure schedule (how awful do I sound?), so I'd like to get that one done the day after my next pedi, which is May 1, so I'll have three weeks before I have to soak my leg in the pedi tub again.

I like this. This is a good decision. This A Good Plan. (And both of these are inexpensive, fast tattoos.)

School was very busy again today, since it was the final day in the library for the kids' blog projects, which are turning out to be adorable.

Speaking of having next week off, I have not scheduled a million doctors' appointments, as I usually do when I'm off. All I have is the therapist again on Tuesday and the podiatrist Friday morning. Now I want to work the tattoo in there, and otherwise, all I really have to do is clean up the house some -- not as big a project as it used to be, since I'm keeping up with it more. And take some walks, if I can. The weather has been amazing this week, but is not predicted to be the same next, but I guess I can put a jacket back on (ugh) and get out there some, as long as it isn't raining.

One of the things the therapist asked me about yesterday was my feeling about retirement, which anyone who has read five minutes here knows very well. She wanted to know if I was apprehensive about retirement, if I'm concerned that I'll be isolated, and so on. UH-UH! I will be so content to drift from one thing to another, to do what I'm motivated to do at the moment, and watch ten hours of The Odd Couple on DVD the next day. (I seriously plan to catch up on a lot of movies and other DVDs when I retire.) Every day off is just retirement practice, as far as I'm concerned, and next week is so far shaping up like a nice peaceful week. (I shouldn't say that, should I; it's tempting the evil eye.)



WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1731

Quite the Long Day

Another day of busy, busy, busy.

The technical difficulties of yesterday's school project vanished today, and all the little dears set up their blogs and they are very cute and clever. More work on that tomorrow, too.

Our bell schedule was all changed around today because of the pep rally at the end of the day, and I tried to change my appointment to see the principal in and among my classes, and finally, to my delighted surprise, he came up to the library to see me. I gave him my doctor's note and he assured me that I would have someone there with me so I could go when I need to. He was really very, very nice.

And today I went to see the therapist after school, first visit, and I liked her very much too. More on that another time, but it went well. Then K and I did all kinds of running around, picking up this and that here and there, and I have been on the phone for a while, and now I just need to take a breath! (And eat some jelly beans; I got some jelly beans.)

Good night, all!

WATCHING L/O:SVU :: ENTRY #1730

Busy, Busy, Busy

My, my, I have hardly Twittered today at all. I was away from my desk a lot during the school day, and I was home very briefly after school until I finally got back around 7.30, and then I was on the phone for like, ever.

I was working with a teacher's three classes today on an excellent project, the first step of which required each student to sign up for a Gmail account. (The second step was to open a blog account on Blogger.) Gmail totally crapped out on me, right in the middle of the first class. It seems that getting 20 simultaneous requests to open mail accounts from what looks like a single location -- 20 computers on the same network and so with the same IP address -- looks to them like spam. On the page that explains this, it actually says that if you're a teacher trying to get accounts for a whole class, well, they apologize for the inconvenience. Well, thanks.

We just told the kids in the second and third classes to sign up for the accounts at home, and to let me know if they needed me to do it for them (i.e, they don't have computers at home.) There was only one, plus the ten or so kids in the first class whom we didn't tell to do it for homework because we hadn't figured out what was going on yet. In my brief time home this afternoon between nails and going out for dinner, I took care of that task.

Dinner out was supposed to be with the Chum and the Other Chai (my Disney traveling partners from last November), but, surprise! Chum had also called our other dear, dear retired friend E, so she was there too, and this was totally just the anti-stress experience. It was wonderful. And here's a crazy thing too: E says that her 9 year old granddaughter was recently diagnosed with Crohn's as well. (One of E's sons -- not this girl's father -- has had colitis since birth, literally, which she figures is also Crohn's, although never labeled as such. He and his niece are on the same medication (but not the same as mine.)

And then home, a quick call to R, who is going to a wedding out-of-state tomorrow (the wedding is Sunday, but she's going by car to South Carolina), and my sister, who's going out-of-state for a few days as well. Then I tried to get eldest nephew JJ on the phone, since it's his birthday, but no luck. (34; how can that be? Wasn't I watching Sesame Street with him just the other day? Telling him stories while I rocked him to sleep? No, eh.) Couldn't get him, so I called his brother instead, to whom I have owed a call for over a month, and had a delightful long talk with him because he is one of my favorite humans on the planet.

And now K is home from class, and is not subbing tomorrow, so I can sleep in a little, until 5.40 instead of 5.15. Joy.

All in all, a very nice, if busy, afternoon and evening.

WATCHING THE DEBATE :: ENTRY #1729

And Yet Again

Once again, I am disgusted with my place of employment. Oddly, today is the day I get to voice my opinion on that, in a way, because it's the day we get to vote for (or against) the school budget, as well as for new members of the Board of Education. This year I am tempted as never before to vote against the budget, or not to vote at all. K has convinced me that I must vote, and I know I will, but I'm very tempted. Even so, I know I will vote for the budget because one of the big things in it this year is all-day kindergarten, which we should have had twenty years ago.

I am disgusted today because the SCM is out and there's a shortage of substitutes in the building, so of course, the library goes without. I need to get some kind of plan in place -- other than the principal's promise, which I already have -- that they will always cover him when he's out, because if I need to go to the ladies' room, I need to go right then, not in an hour when they can find someone somewhere to cover me. Today I'm especially pissed off, because when they called K last night to sub, they offered her the library, which she accepted, but when she got here today, there weren't enough subs, so she's in an industrial arts class for the day, and with no lunch until after the lunch periods are over. She's free the period before lunch, when they actually had the nerve to offer me that she could come here instead. So, if I want coverage, I need to screw my own kid out of her only period off? Gee, pass. They're sending someone up to cover me for my lunch, and someone for the period I'll be teaching in the lab (although if that happens, I'll be astonished.) Anyway, I'm not stressed, just pissed off at the way things are done around here.

A few hours go by ....

I spoke to the nurse, and then to a member of the staff who has a handicap, and what I need to do, it turns out, is get a letter from my doctor and then they will need to accommodate me. Coincidentally, I have a follow up with The Resnick this afternoon, so a letter I shall have. All I really need it to say is that my access to the ladies' room cannot be restricted in any way, which will mean that there will have to be someone here with me so I can go when I need to without having to choose between leaving kids in the library unsupervised and having an accident. Which will mean they have to get coverage when the SCM is out, even if they don't have enough subs for the day. We'll see how that goes. My next step may have to be to stay out whenever he does, which is something I'd really rather not do, and I can't imagine I'd have to. (For those who wonder what I would do if I were a classroom teacher ... I have no idea whatsoever. I think it would be very difficult to have Crohn's or something like it and be a classroom teacher. You'd have to work something out with your office for someone to come running to cover whenever you called. Which could never happen here, because there's almost never someone in our office when we need someone there. And since I'm not a classroom teacher, just me, that's all I need to worry about anyway.)

More to come, perhaps after The Resnick ....

Later.

So the doctor is over the moon (what a goofy expression) at my progress, and even anticipates that after the next colonoscopy, which I scheduled for May 19, he may be able to reduce my medication. Score. Also, when I explained my school dilemma to him, he freaked out just a bit, and couldn't write me the letter fast enough. He's appalled that there would be conditions under which I wouldn't be able to get to a bathroom. So clearly, he's living in a fantasy world, but one that works for me. I have my letter; I'll make numerous copies for backup and share it tomorrow.

And now I am just so tired. I don't want to do anything at all tonight except win the big lottery. Oh, first, a little news-related rant.

We keep seeing how they raided this polygamy compound to rescue the children and the women. Okay. But now they won't let the women stay with their children? WTF? Aren't they considering the women abused, too? So why are they being punished? And then there's this aspect. Even if you don't agree with their particular religion, they are essentially planning to take these children and give them to foster families to raise, and this appalls me. This is what a powerful society does to eliminate an unwanted minority: remove the children from their parents' influence and indoctrinate them otherwise. This was famously done to Native Americans in the southwest in the late 19th and well into the 20th century, and it's what was done to Jews in Tsarist Russia. So really, all kinds of un-Constitutional and stuff, not to mention a moral outrage. But I mentioned it, and remain outraged nonetheless.


WATCHING THE FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1728

I Was Out Friday

As I mentioned once or twelve times, in order to avoid the teacher-training day, and as it turns out, a good decision. They did do a variety of "bonding" activities, including drawing pictures of teachers (one group drew a math teacher, one drew an English teacher, and so on) and then inviting comments via Post-It from everyone. The pictures of the children were posted on the walls of the room and everyone was invited to look at them to see all these children who were special to someone.

Excuse me.

BARF.

So, a good decision. As I commented to someone earlier today, had I been here on Friday, I would have been on the front page of the county newspaper today: LOCAL TEACHER GOES ON BERSERK MURDEROUS RAMPAGE.

In the meantime, today, not so bad. I had the most wonderful class in here this morning. There were only five students in it; this was the advanced level English as a Second Language class, and the teacher wanted them each to find a novel to read. I took out several, just for starters, and described, I think Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises to start. And one of the boys said "Oh, I read that, I liked it." The teacher asked if he had read it in English or Russian, and he said Russian, and I thought, Cool. So these were all very good readers in their native languages and becoming very good readers in English. They ended up with a real eclectic list that included The Sirens of Titan, Gone With the Wind, Catch-22, The Godfather, and something by Robert Grisham. The teacher and I have decided to base a year-long project on this idea next year, so I'm looking forward to that.

It's a lovely sunny day today. The last few days have been more sunny than not, despite predictions of rain. It was windy yesterday, but all in all, not a big deal. I'm going to the mall after school today, armed with the Chico's gift card the MIL gave me for Christmas, and then somewhere, maybe Best Buy, to get a new mouse for my school computer, since the old one has somehow been crushed to pieces by me in a rage disappeared.

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Later. Yada, yada, I got the mouse, I got the jeans. First, a mysterious announcement upon which I cannot elaborate: my sister is one of the best people now living on this planet. I don't mean this in the she-bought-me-chocolate kind of way, but in the spiritual she-is-a-quality-human kind of way. Not my story to tell, but I'm very proud of her today.

Next. I am inching closer to my next tattoo. I think I've got a place for it, a bit strange perhaps, inside of my right arm, just below the elbow. At an angle. Words, I've known for a long time that I wanted words for my next tattoo. Here are my two possibilities:





Here's the story. Imagine, of course, is the John Lennon song and is a wonderful expression of hope for the world, and was one of my mother's favorite songs. (I just read an article in Newsweek about how corny it is and so many baby boomers will have Imagine tattoos, and fuck it, I already have a peace sign so I'm hardly unique.) Que sera, sera, if you're old enough to remember, is the name of a Doris Day song from the fifties. The words are supposedly Italian for "what will be, will be" which they're not. Real Italian, I mean. But in the context of the song, that's what it means, and this was one of my grandmother's favorite songs and I used to sing it for her when I was a wee one, and I do very much subscribe to the whole "what will be, will be" philosophy, especially now with the Crohn's and stuff. (These are also the fonts I'd like it done in, typewrite for Imagine and handwriting for que sera, sera. And at an angle.)

Whaddaya think, guys?


WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1727

No Wire Hangers!

I've gotten in touch with my inner Joan Crawford today. No, the kids are fine. But I purged my closet of all wire hangers, which I have always felt were the tools of Satan anyway, but you know, you get stuff back from the cleaners and don't wear them right away, you've got wire hangers in your closet. No more! My closet is very neat now. It's still too small, but it's neat, and my shirts are hanging in groups -- wool, denim, striped, plaid, solids -- and my sweatshirts are also categorized: hoodies, zipped hoodies, pullovers -- so I can find what I'm looking for. (Yes. There is a purpose besides OCD. I found stuff I totally forgot I had because I couldn't see it was there. I swear.)

I also found about a half dozen pair of slacks. I said this to my daughters, who said "Slacks? Who says slacks? That's an old lady word." I reminded them that I am, indeed, and old lady and they let it go, not before asking me if was also going to tell them that "their outfits looked sharp." Uh ... something wrong with that? Not seeing it here. (And anyway, why on earth do I even own slacks? All I ever wear is jeans.)

I also got two pair of new jeans to try at The Gap, same jeans in different sizes. I am pleased to report that the larger size was the wrong one, but I still haven't decided if the cut of these jeans is good for me. I'll try on for the jeans maven when she finishes dinner. (She worked at The Gap, I remind you, and knows what to look for when people are trying on jeans, and also how to not make them feel like crap no matter what they look like.)

Between the two of us and closet cleaning, we also have five big bags of clothes to donate. Now, this is something I have always done because it would just be ridiculous to throw out clothes that someone else can use. I saw something on TV years ago about which charities to donate clothes to and which ones to avoid. Basically, if you give clothes to the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or Vietnam Veterans of America, the clothes will be sold to used clothing stores (or sold in their own second hand stores), so poor people will have the chance to buy good clothes and those charities will make money for their other projects. If you give to the Red Cross, the clothes go directly to people in disaster areas. However, if you give to other random donation boxes -- DARE, for example -- the clothes are sold for rags, and cut into pieces and recycled into other stuff around the world. So I avoid those boxes. If I have clothes that I can't wear but that are in good shape, I want someone else to be able to use them.

Anyway, there is also a tax benefit to this, which I never cared about much because I was giving the clothes away anyway, so I estimated their value at tax time. Now my accountant says I have to keep a record, so I looked up the value of the stuff we were donating this time, and damn, it's about twice as much as I would have estimated. I'm sure this would never have made even a five dollar difference on my actual taxes, but really, who knew?

Once again, I have messed up my dinner time, not realizing what time it was, and had a big snack -- leftover boneless spare-ribs from last night -- at five, so now I have no interest in any other real food. (Which would be leftover sweet and sour shrimp.) I guess I'll have that tomorrow. The girls and I went to The Cheesecake Factory at the mall for lunch today, so, aw, poor me, I'll just have to have my Dulce de Leche cheesecake in an hour or so. That's what I like, go right from the appetizer to dessert, and skip that whole pesky main course thing.

More John Adams tonight. Is it just me, or did he just turn into a schmuck as he got older? (It's not me. I've read the book; it was him.) It makes for a less entertaining TV show is all. But I've already invested in the first five hours; I can't pass on the last two.

WATCHING YOU'VE GOT MAIL :: ENTRY #1726

Yet Another Nice One

I just love days that aren't packed with stress, and when stuff seems to work out nicely.

Top of the list today, I guess, is that the therapist called me back and I have an appointment for Thursday. I had a nice long talk with OldFriend last night, which is always very good for me and I think for her too, and she was advising me on alternate plans if the therapist didn't call. Well, she did, and apologized for not calling earlier, but she herself started chemo this week (first stage breast cancer) and asked if that would be a problem for me. No. It's not. In fact, it's not at all. I would feel like a shit if I told her Oh no, you have cancer so don't waste my time, or you know, if I gave her that impression. She wants to keep her life going and work, that's aces with me. So, Thursday. I must call OldFriend later and tell her.

I sorted out a few dresser drawers this morning and put away my sweaters. I wore almost no sweaters this winter because it was always so frickin hot in the library. I don't even know why I bothered to take them out, except last winter it was mostly freezing there. Can't win. Anyway, now I have room to do a good job on the hanging stuff in my closet, which I'll do tomorrow. Or today after the in-laws leave.

Yes, into each life some in-laws must fall. My only real issue with them, I guess, is that our pace of life is very different and dealing with them raises a bit of a frustration level in me. Here's today's story: the FIL's sister, who is the aunt I so adore, has a baby great-granddaughter having a first birthday party today. (Oh, now here's the irony: the ILs have just arrived. I'll finish this later.)

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Okay, so they were coming up from Old-People-At-the-Shore Land to come to this birthday party, and said they might stop by either before or after. "But don't change your plans." Which means, we expect everyone to be there when we get there, although we have no idea when that will be. So they did come, after the party, and then what we do is, we sit. We all sit in one room and visit, and no one does anything else when they're here. (This is also what we do when we go to their house.) The FIL has so much trouble walking that it terrifies me to see him come up the three or four steps into my house, and then totter around. (He has nasty orthopedic issues.)

So anyway, they were here, they're gone, and R managed to get out of work early and came by as well. She and K are out shopping now, and we have plans, the three of us, to go -- where else? -- Target tomorrow morning.

In the meantime, after the old folks (and the young folks) left, I moved onto the next stage of my closet. I still have to weed out stuff I don't wear, but everything is neat and accessible now. I have to get more hangers tomorrow morning.

I was going to tell you all about the woodpeckers, with pictures and everything. Maybe tomorrow.

WATCHING THE ADDAMS FAMILY MOVIE :: ENTRY #1725

Love Them Days Off

As always, a day off from work is a nice thing. (Yes, yes, I remember how glad I was to get back to work when I was sick. That was because I was sick.) *sigh* It was such a nice day.

I slept until 7.30, which is two hours past my normal weekday wake-up time. I had a leisurely cup of coffee, then got dressed and went to Target. I swear I was in and out of there in ten minutes, tops, filled up a little basket with what I needed and nothing else. (Burner bibs for the stove, two pair of croc-like flip-flops, paper plates.) By the time I got home, K went out for a walk and then a doctor's appointment, and I got all my weekly cleaning done. (But no laundry.) And when she got back, we did our food shopping. Then she left for the dentist and I took a nap.

Every day should be like this, eh?

Oh, I've decided what I want to do when I retire. I want to Twitter all day long. By that time, I'll probably have an iPhone or some kind of smart phone with a decent size screen and a full-time Internet connection, so I'll just keep the Twitter home page up all day long wherever I am. It's my new goal.

Speaking of cellphones, I am apparently the one idiot in America who is incapable of using one. Although I have taught myself to text into Twitter, it would seem that I am not so good at making or receiving actual calls. Listen to this one. K called while I was on my way home from Target; I didn't answer while I was driving, because a) I prefer not to, and b) we have a fairly harsh no-cell-phone-while-driving law here. Now, I was actually wearing a bluetooth headset, but I am inept with that as well, and disconnected the call instead of answering it. Ahem. I pulled off the road into the totally empty parking lot of an office building, and into a space. I tried calling her back, didn't work. She called me back, I disconnected her. I finally saw that she texted me that it wasn't important, don't call back, and there was a tap on my window. A woman was standing outside her running car, right next to me, and said "You're in my space." Yes, in a totally empty lot, I parked in the one space of the worker who arrives obsessively early. Anyway, I couldn't make or receive a call even though I had a million bars showing. Because I am just that inept with cellphones. And headsets, it would appear.

I just finished my leftover seafood lasagna for dinner and it was, again, delish, but now I am starving again. I've been snacking a lot less in general, but right now, I want foooooood.

WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1724

O Frabjous Day!

Callooh! Callay!

Ahem. It is a very beautiful day here, and the kid's birthday. And my crap magnetism was apparently out of commission today, because no particular crap was attracted to me. (Although the day is not over.) And I had a delightful pedi, and even still have my Croc flip-flops on, which I don't even do in the summer, hardly ever.

Okay, so all the school district librarians were in my computer lab for training today, although not the SCM and I because we already did that last June, and at one point, one of the middle school people, an old pal of sorts, noticed that I had Twitter on one of my tabs and asked me to help her get started. Later in the day I had her log on, and showed her a couple of things and she asked to follow me. Uh ... well, I was polite, but no. (I had even already shared with her earlier in the day my recent state of fragility, so I knew she wouldn't push it.) Anyway, I explained that I keep my online life and my 3D life very separate. Was I rude?

I don't know. I do know that I am so comfortable with my diary and Twitter buddies, and I really would rather not have to limit what I say because someone I know in 3D is reading. And in a way, it's like inviting someone to a party that you know, but no one else knows, and she won't get the jokes, and when you do that, you end up keeping that person company in the corner because she doesn't know anyone else to talk to. Y'know?

And sense of humor? Not so much. She is actually looking for other librarians to talk shop with on Twitter. I am not. I am looking to bitch about my library, but I'm not interested in it as a resource for my work. Please. I would rather have a pages-long discussion on what cilantro smells like and who eats it anyway, or doesn't. That, my friends, is entertainment. Which MARC tag is best for cataloging additional authors who speak English as a second language ain't my idea of fun.

Oh, so now the Hubs called and he's coming home early instead of going to a seminar and I hope this doesn't screw up our dinner plans. The good thing, though, is that all of them can have wine with dinner since I'm driving and I don't drink, so they can be as happy as they want. I'm even driving R home afterward, since she's taking the train directly here to B-Town, which reminds me I have to leave in a few minutes to pick her up.

And remember to take my pills before I go. Yes, remember to take my pills. Got it. And I already called in for a sick day tomorrow, which is entirely legitimate because if I went to that training, I'd be having anxiety attacks all day.


WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1723

The Hits Just Keep on Coming

I think my place of work is trying to kill me.

I came as close as I have to a breakdown in a long time this afternoon. (My last actual breakdown, which was in 1990, also happened in school.) I won't go into the details, but a person with whom I've had conflict before came to talk to me about something that she knew I was opposed to (but she was going to get her way anyway) and I could feel myself sliding, and I said to her "Okay. You win. Just stop talking to me." But she wouldn't. She kept hammering, saying, Couldn't she just tell her side of it? and I said No, you can't, because you win, and I'm very upset now and please stop talking to me. But she wouldn't. Finally she left, and I felt myself falling over the edge, so I told the SCM I had to go, and I called the office to tell them I was going, but I got the Colleague instead of someone else, and she talked me down from it. So I did what she said and I was okay, and then I took my mouse in my right hand and raised it up and smashed it hard down on the desk. It didn't work after that but it looked okay, so I ripped it apart with my hands.

I'm a little better now. I'm still here as I type this -- this all happened a half hour ago -- but I'm a little better. I got a replacement mouse for now, but I'll have to buy a new one, since insanity damage is not covered by warranty. That's okay.

Why? I told this person that I was sick and I didn't want to talk. I apologized for coming off angry towards her, which I totally was since the last time we conflicted. (Which was at the time because she interrupted a conversation I was having with someone and when I said "Excuse me, I'm not finished yet," she kept right on talking to the other person as if I weren't even there.) I told her I felt that she was treating me like a piece of dirt, and that my job was meaningless to her and she was going to do whatever she wanted so she could just go ahead, she could have all the books too. (Yes, I was losing a whole lot of rationality by this point.) Anyway, why? Why we she just push on and do this? To me?

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A little later. I wrote that at 2.30; it's now 3.45 and I'm home. I'm a whole lot calmer, but still angry. Now I want to confront her tomorrow and ask why she thinks she has the right to do this to someone, but I won't. She's a bully and not terribly smart, so I doubt that I'd get any satisfaction from it.

On my drive home, though, I was reminded of something my sister said the other day. It's her idea of what I should say if I ever do indeed make a retirement speech (which I probably won't, unless I say this.) She said I should stand up at the podium at the faculty dinner and look around from person to person, and say as I focus on various individuals:

"Fuck you." Next person. "And fuck you." Next person. "You're okay." Next person. "Fuck you too," and so on.

Anyway, I just called and left another message at the therapist's -- you don't think I need to, do you? -- because thinking back on my call Monday, I think I left a message in nobody's voicemail box, so nobody really got it, which is why I haven't gotten a call back. I believe I did it right today; we'll see what happens.

I have a headache, so I'm going to take some tylenol, which is totally a placebo, but it's the only thing I can take. I'm considering an extra dose of atavan, which is an anti-anxiety drug I take to help fall asleep at night, but I know I won't do anything more than consider it unless a doctor tells me to take it, because I take enough meds and I don't mess with them. But a magic pill that makes me feel calm sounds sooo nice right now.

Really, I'm okay. I'm going to have some ice cream, in fact, and call my sister. And the tylenol, right.

In a World ...

where insanity rules ....

Okay, so we are having a teacher-training day on Friday, but until today, we weren't told what we were going to be doing. We got a notice this morning that said a) they're not going to tell us until Friday; they're asking us to take "a leap of faith," and b) please bring in a picture of our children (or any child we feel connected to; not everyone is a parent) by Thursday, to be used in Friday's session. To which I say:

WTF? I am so not doing this.

Given my current state of mind, this sparked an anxiety attack in me, in which I began to wonder if we're going to be doing some sort of touchy-feely sensitivity thing on Friday, and trust me, I am not doing that. No one wants to see me open up emotionally in public; I don't even like doing that in private, and these days I'm only an inch away, at best, from breaking down at any minute. A picture of my children? Fuggedaboudit. My children are adults, and quite well known in this school, and I would not do this without their consent, which they wouldn't give and I wouldn't ask them to. I was all bent out of shape over this, wanted to talk to the boss but he was out. I got the assistant boss -- the V.P., as it were -- but we really couldn't connect with each other because I don't speak her native tongue, which is apparently Martian. (Well, she's bringing in a picture of her daughter. Well, la de da for her. She is bringing in, no doubt, a professionally taken head shot of her daughter, since I saw one on the desk in her office. I.Am.So.Impressed.)

I'm much better now, because lunch and other conversations with colleagues have informed me that everyone thinks this is very weird and a lot of people are just not doing it. Some said it a lot less nicely than that. I over-reacted, I can see now, but my over-reaction switch is turned on these days, so there's not much I can do about that. But I must remember to avoid talking to the Martian whenever possible. This leaves me with only one administrator in the school I am willing to talk to, who is the boss. Him I like. The others not so much.

I have many missions after school today, and have not yet heard whether or not K's car is fixed. He usually doesn't call until five or so, so that's what I'll expect. I just hope it's not too late to turn in the rental car. Which I'd rather not drive around everywhere, but it's not like I can't drive; it's a car, I'll drive it. It's just that when I turn around to look back to back up or something and I see this huge expanse of empty seats it feels like such a waste. And I'm sure I'm going to hit something, or someone is going to hit me. I want my little car back. Or even K's relatively little car, even if it is a sedan. (I'm not a sedan fan.)

Why hasn't the bell rung yet, hmm? Inquiring minds want to know.


WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1721

A Step Back, A Couple Steps Forward

An improved, if strange, day.

First, let me just say that I used all my new potions and things in the shower this morning and damn, I smell good. It's nearly two in the afternoon and I'm still in a nice little Burt's Bees cloud. I'm just saying. My shower took twice as long as usual, but okay. And my hair even came out in a manner acceptable to me today. So that's all cool.

Got a lot of stuff done at work this morning. Also good. And then the phone rang.

Slowly I turned ...

But it was okay, sort of. Yes, it was K, whose car would not start. But she sounded pretty good, and she said that she was feeling much better today. She would call AAA and get the battery jumped. All okay.

But then as I was sitting at my desk, my stress began to rise. She would fall apart. No wait, I would fall apart, and I would have to do it at school. Hmmm. I logged off my computer, called the main office and said I had an emergency at home but would probably be back, told the SCM, and took off. What I wanted to do was give K my car to use, since she has a week's worth of errands and things to take care of, not to mention class tonight, and I would wait for AAA and come back to school in her car.

AAA was, amazingly, already there when I got home. I could see immediately that K was not falling apart, was in very good humor, and did not look sick. Three cheers on this one, folks! Anyway, the guy could not charge the car and then noticed that the sparkplug cables have been "cut."

Now we're a little freaked out, both of us, but he said it could have been an animal. Uh, yeah. So I sent the kid into the house to get ready to go out, since I'm leaving her my car, and I followed the tow-truck to our own mechanic, who said it is absolutely animals, we're the second car this week where animals (probably squirrels) chewed the sparkplug wires. Imagine that.

Home again, I call for a rental car and waited nearly 45 minutes to get picked up. So that sucked, but listen to what I got done while I was waiting: I called the therapist's office and left a message. I am proud of me. I was also pleased to her that there are actually four women in the office, so I may not even have to see the one who has a kid in the high school. This was a big step, although I haven't even talked to someone yet; hopefully, someone will call me back this afternoon.

The other thing I did was turn off the caller ID on the Hubs' TV. Yes, since we got the cable phone and the HD cable TV, when the phone rings, the caller I.D. shows up on the TV screen. I turned mine off immediately because I didn't like it, but I had no idea that it showed up on his non-HD TV as well. He mentioned it the other day as a curiosity. Yes, well, I don't need him to be able to see who's calling and such when I'm on the phone. I will frequently not take the call waiting beep from his parents because they don't understand call waiting; you can't say to them "Hi, I'm on another call; I'll call you right back," because when you answer, they just start talking and you can't get a word in. So when I see them on the call waiting/caller I.D., I don't take it, I just finish the conversation I'm in and then call them right back. The Hubs is famously strange about his parents' phone calls in that he never really wants to talk on the phone but if they call and I don't get him right away he has one of his temper outbursts. Doesn't matter if he's eating dinner or what, I have no right not to get him for their call NOW. So, better for me if he can't see that they're calling. TMI?

So I have this giant minivan as a rental car because that's all they had, but they charged me for a compact car anyway. I was going to go to the mall this afternoon but I may pass until I have my own car back since I won't be afraid to park it. (I haven't driven a big car in a loooong time.) Ditto the supermarket. In which case I need to take a nap when I get home because I am just worn out. But I smell good.


WATCHING L/O :: ENTRY #1720

Let's See Now

My weekend has been, to use a cliche, an emotional roller coaster. I have been up and down, back and forth, on everything, it seems. The Hubs has been pleasant and charming, which tends to make us wait for another shoe to drop. My darling baby has just been putting me through the wringer. Whatever I say is the wrong thing to say; she can tease me but I can't tease her back. If I try to do something nice, it gets turned around on me somehow. Even so, I'm putting her emotional welfare bef ...

Okay, stop. At this point, I was typing and K walked past me and poked me with a finger (lightly, she does it sometimes) and I freaked the fuck out. I jumped a mile and closed the computer lid down and she looked so surprised! And I just started to cry. I couldn't stop. And then I explained to her about how I was writing something the other night and left it on the screen (as I wrote about yesterday) and that I felt so terrible about it and she said I shouldn't, she would never read what I was writing and hadn't, and so on, and anyway, we cleared the air a little. She promised to try to call a therapist tomorrow and so did I.

Anyway, that'll do on all this for today. With any luck, I will find a therapist and I won't have to dump this on you guys all the time. (Although where I would be without you, I have no idea, but it wouldn't be a place I'd like to be.)

I was very tired today, even though I slept well, and managed a nap after Target. I haven't done much of anything else all day except a couple loads of wash and minor straightening up. I did watch two movies that we got at Blockbuster on the way home from Target, neither of which was an award winner: The Brothers Solomon and August Rush. The first one, don't waste your time; the second one, worth a couple of hours.

I haven't been reading this week at all because it was just making me fall asleep, but now I'm going to try McCullough's 1776, since I just had luck with his Truman. I have something else by James Burke of Connections fame on the Palm; I don't remember the title. One or the other.

I'm going to post now. I wonder if my sister is going to call me tonight?

WATCHING MUMMY FORENSICS :: ENTRY #1719

Sotto Voce

I'm typing this in a whisper, as it were, because of a strange thing that happened last night. I had started typing my entry, venting, pretty much, about K and her illness and whole situation, and the Hubs as well. The phone rang; it was unexpectedly the Sibs, to whom I had already spoken twice in the previous hour. K was watching a movie in the room, so I took the phone and went into the living room to talk briefly. When I came back, I realized I had left everything on the screen where she could easily have seen it.

I felt awful, so awful that I couldn't continue the entry, so I just erased it. I must remember to minimize the screen if I get up. She's not a snoop by any means, but if she passes by the computer and sees her name -- okay, her initial -- she's human, and it'll catch her eye and she'll read it, anyone would. (We are both very good about never looking for each other's diaries, and trust each other.) She doesn't need to see my venting. That's for your eyes only.

Anyway, today's had its ups and downs, but it's relatively calm now. I think she may have the flu, actually, but she can't reach her doctor until Monday. She's been on a very strong antibiotic since Monday, and although her sinuses are better, she still has a terrible deep cough and feels sick all the time. It's the mood swings that are hard on both of us. I won't even go into the Hubs, who was working outside all day so he's in a good mood. He even just suggested that we go to an antique book fair in the city tomorrow. Wow. But I can't do that much walking, not yet. I need to walk as much as I can this spring and summer to build my stamina back up.

So anyway, here's what I mostly did today: I cleaned. Yes, ladies and gents, I cleaned my house. I don't know if I really can keep this up, but I'd sure like to. I made a list of what needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly, and I actually got everything on the list done today except for dusting the family room and washing the kitchen floor, which I'll do tomorrow. (K will take over the floors again when -- or if, if you listen to her -- she's well again.) My new vacuum is very nice, but it's not the greatest thing since sliced bread. It is very easy to move from room to room. It was not very easy to move the old vacuum up into the attic, because that sucker, pardon the pun, is heavy.

I also did errands on top of errands this morning, stocking up on cleaning supplies (of course) among other things. I've also decided to take a little better care of my non-facial type skin, so I got some shower scrub and gel. (My sister's call last night was to remind me not to use exfoliating scrub on my legs and arms every day. Yes, thank you. I am 55 years old. I know how to bathe.)

I also love my new mouse, which scrolls. I've had scrolling mice before but never used that feature, but I love it. I also just signed up for Netflix, which I probably won't last that long with, but I'll see how it goes. I signed up for the one DVD at a time but unlimited throughout the month, and unlimited download access, and then when I submitted all my information and was in, a message said "Sorry! Downloading is not compatible with Apple computers!" so I feel just a bit ripped off, but I probably wouldn't have done that much anyway. But they could have said that up front, I'm thinking.

So, a very random entry here, which I shall now post before my sister calls. (Haven't connected with her yet today.)

WATCHING WINGS on DVD :: ENTRY #1718

A Better Day

Not necessarily a good day, you understand, but a better day, by yesterday's standard. Yesterday was a terrible day, and not even a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, because that would be cute, and yesterday was not cute. But I am better, and I think K is better, or at least she is more calm. Yesterday, in brief, was a deep depression day for both of us. We have both got to go to therapy, and I don't know if we're working on it hard enough. I do have a name, but I'm thinking now that maybe I should keep looking, because this person is a parent of a kid at my school and one of the things I'll need to talk about is the assholes at school. K also has names and has called, but hasn't managed to connect with anyone yet.

No more details, then, because thinking/talking/writing about the details in ... detail will only bring it all back to me. I'm becoming a Scarlet O'Hara professional in my old age, as in "I'll think about it tomorrow." Hey, whatever works. I really do have to get a handle on this shit, though, because it makes my tongue go all weird, although I have no effect on my internal parts, thank goodness.

I will say that school was less sucky today -- as I indicated on Twitter -- because I didn't have to talk to any administrators today. Also, my brilliant idea of this afternoon was a way to manage a new car for K, but she looked into it and the car I was thinking about turns out to be crap. Sadly, it's the affordable car of the moment. We'll keep looking there.

What else can I tell you? Oh, get this. After my haircut yesterday, I stopped at the wonderful bra store, which is near my hairdresser, and I basically went into a dressing room, took off my shirt and said "Help!" So I got a new bra, and I am now wearing a freaking 38G. Yes. Who even knew that bra sizes came in G? Well, they do. And actually today was the first day in who knows how long that my bra didn't hurt me all day. So I guess they got it right. (With apologies to any of the male gender who might possibly be reading.)

I have ordered myself three presents in the last couple of weeks: my adorable cheap Mickey watch, which I showed you, and along a similar train of thought, a new mouse for my Mac, a two-button mouse, which I love and which I got mostly with coupons. But the biggie comes tomorrow (I hope): an Oreck vacuum cleaner and a "free" cordless iron along with it. Ooooooh. I am so excited! (No shit, I really am.) I will vacuum and iron all weekend long! (Okay, maybe vacuum, you can only iron if you've got stuff that needs ironing. But I love me a cordless iron. A brilliant invention. I had one for years, but couldn't find a replacement when it died.) Anyway, by this time tomorrow evening I shall have the cleanest carpets in New Jersey. I'll let you know.



WATCHING MASH :: ENTRY #1716

Yet Another Day

Tired, but not as unbearably tired as I was yesterday. I've been sleeping weird, nothing new for me.

I've been very busy at work, which I like to be. I said something on Twitter yesterday about work and someone replied not to let the kids get to me, but really, the kids are almost never the problem there. Here and there, of course, but mostly the kids are very nice and fairly polite, at least to me. My current project involves other teachers in some ways, and some of these guys are just dopes. ("Can you confirm that you still have the four videotapes signed out to you?" "Well, I have one of them. I don't know where the others are." Uh ... really? How nice for you.)

Anyway, K is still pretty sick, although she's taking a good antibiotic. She's giving serious thought to the sinus surgery she needs; we just talked about it a little while ago. She promises to be okay through her recuperation as long as she has enough pain meds. Amen to that, sister.

I managed to spill my guts, as it were, to my sister just before without emphasizing any aspect of the stress affecting me physically. (I feel fine, actually; I only know it's aggravating my condition because my tongue is acting up.) So we're in a good place now, no secrets. (Except that one, but she doesn't know about it so it doesn't count, right?)

Okey dokey. The Hubs is out to dinner with his boss tonight, so things are quiet. I've only got the one of them hacking up a lung instead of both.

I must have had something else to tell you all tonight, but it's passed right through my head. Another time, perhaps.

WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1715