I'm Getting to It

I feel like I've been awake forever, and all of that time I've just been ... getting things done. Does that make any sense?

I wasn't worried about R flying last night, really I wasn't, but I didn't fall asleep until two-ish, about the time her connecting flight would have been leaving for New York. I slept well once I slept, but I got up at 5:45, so, you know, not much.

It's another car-swapping day, so after school I went with K to bring R's car back to her apartment, and then we picked up K's car at the service station, and when the Hubs gets home, we're dropping his off. Notice that my car isn't involved in any of this, yet I am part of every trip, and if anyone is without a car tomorrow, it will be me.

So I'm looking into acupuncture, because my shoulders and neck are really sore and stiff and not getting better. I would definitely do it, if I could only track down the right doctor and find out how much and such. (It's not covered, but certain providers will give me a discount with my insurance card.) I'm also thinking about looking into a possible cause of the sore shoulders and neck, which would be doing something about the excessive weight I'm carrying around on my frontage. I called my insurance, who said that breast reduction is covered if it's medically necessary and not cosmetic. And I'm thinking, a surgeon won't even do it unless you're big enough, and that size would be by definition medically necessary. I don't think you could do it just for cosmetic reasons, although I assume there are cosmetic benefits. I don't know, the woman on the phone was not terribly clear. And what kind of doctor would have to certify the necessity of it? An orthopedist? Questions, questions.

Anyway, the Sibs had a little surgical procedure this morning and is fine, I talked to her earlier, but I'm going to give her a call before I have to go out again to the service station.

WATCHING WIFE SWAP :: ENTRY #1939
READING: Slam by Nick Hornby

I Am Benign

Let me 'splain.

First, I am good in a crisis. Not a crisis like the heat going out and being afraid the house will blow up, but a medical crisis. Mine or someone else's, I am always calm. I got it from Jack, my sister is the same way. So that's one.

Two, I am both a pessimist and an optimist, so I always fear the worst and expect the best. I am the one who looked at the x-ray of my brain and said "Oh, there's a big spot on the film; they'll make me go back and do it again!" and my sister, beside me, did not say "You moron, that spot is something that is actually IN YOUR BRAIN" which the doctor told me two minutes later it was, and still, I did not freak out. There's nothing to be gained by it, for one, and it's better for me, for two.

Three, they have been seeing "shadowing" in my mammograms and ultrasounds for years, and I knew this was just a matter of doing the right thing and following all the procedures. The doctor did say that she couldn't tell me 100% it was nothing, because then she wouldn't have had to do it at all, but we expected nothing. Does this mean it will always be that way? Could be, or maybe not. My mother was very good about mammograms and following up, and it got her anyway. You do your best with what you can, and then you take what comes. I'm philosophical about certain things, but as we all know, not everything.

So I've been home all day while the workers are hammering and sawing and whatnot upstairs in the closet. I took a peek when they went to lunch, and it looks good, and now I'm ready for them to be done. I got washes done and I wrapped some gifts, and got some more giftwrap while they were out, but otherwise I'm just here. No writing, as it turned out. I'd like to do the Wii Fit when they leave; I haven't done it in a week, since I had that sinus-y thing.

It's still raining, colder than yesterday, and I have no interest whatsoever in going out. Naturally, the Hubs just asked if I wanted to go out dinner. (I do not. Another day, perhaps.) Husbands are so strange and oblivious sometimes. He is looking right at me and doesn't see that my hair is unwashed today and I have no make-up on, not to mention I couldn't shower because of the little tape on where I had the needle, so I'm not exactly fit for an outing in public.

R is flying off tonight to visit a friend in Colorado for a long weekend, so K is staying at her place tonight, since it's right near her school (and she has a class tonight) and this way she can feed the cat tomorrow morning before she comes home (presumably to hang up all her clothes, at last.) So, quiet (except for the drilling and hammering, for now anyway.) I was hoping to put together the Christmas tree today, but would prefer to do so without the Hubs interference assistance. We'll see what tomorrow brings. The little weather bug at the bottom of my browser seems to be showing snowflakes. Joy.


WATCHING Ellen :: ENTRY #1935
READING: How to be Good by Nick Hornby

Where the Day Went

Okay, so I went off to my mammogram this morning with my sister and the upshot is that I had a needle biopsy, which is probably nothing, but you know, it's not officially nothing until you get the call with the results, which will be tomorrow.

Other than having a very good time with my sister, despite what we were actually doing together, it was a mostly sucky day, I guess. It was sixty-ish here today, which is odd, but very rainy and windy, so deciding what to wear was pretty much a no-win situation. After I dropped the Sibs off at home, I went on my missions, first to Fortunoff's, which had a sign in the window that Christmas trees were 40% off. Yeah, right, 40% off of the most overpriced Christmas trees I've ever seen. They actually had one priced at $850!!! They had nothing small, and the smallest one they had was $250. Not. Happening.

I did get calendars at the mall; I got them both Futurama calendars. Then I went to Home Depot, which had a nice tree on display, but of course, none in stock; however, the nice guy who helped me told me they had fourteen of them at another store. (And I have a bridge if you're interested ...)

Then I had a 1:00 at the lady doctor, who said after the whole examination "Good! There's no ovarian cyst!" and I said "Is that what you were looking for?" Hey, tell a person. Anyway, I was done with that, and even though the other Home Depot was in the same town as the doctor -- Hackensack, our county seat -- I completely blanked on how to get there and went by way of China, but they did, in fact, have one tree in stock, so I got that. I'll put it up tomorrow, but it looks like a nice, pre-lit with colored bulbs, six and a half foot tree for $72. Yeah, way more like it.

Last stop: supermarket, and then home. It was nice to be home. I got a call from the people fixing K's closet tomorrow to confirm, so I expect to be here all day, and the kid is working, so I'm thinking I may get gifts wrapped if I have enough paper left from last year, since I didn't plan ahead and think I could wrap tomorrow and get gift bags. (I know I have paper, just probably not enough bags.) And I'll get a wash done and maybe maybe maybe a little writing, too.

Less sucky once I got home, I guess. Just tired now, and somewhat bruised, although not sore. I was such a good girl during the procedure they should have given me a lollipop.


WATCHING FAMILY GUY :: ENTRY #1934
READING: Flatland by Edwin Abbott

The Challenge

I think the hardest part of waiting two and a half years to retire is going to be staying awake.

I wasn't tired during the whole Thanksgiving break, even though I was having trouble falling asleep, because I could sleep later in the morning. I got up at 5:30 today (and had a wonderful workout), and now I can hardly keep my eyes open. (It's only 15 minutes earlier than my old routine, so it's not that. I need to sleep until eight is what the problem is.)

Anyway, the SCM is out, and it's a testing day, which means that the schedule is all jumbled up, and the person who assigns the substitutes took mine away for two of the periods I really needed him to be here. So when I needed to step out for a few minutes, I locked the library doors and went. I was just lucky there were no kids here at that particular time. But it worked out okay for me, I guess.

I need to make a CVS run after school; there's two-for-one on packs of hearing aid batteries this week, and if I don't get there early in the week, the size I need is gone. And another item or two. K said she was going to campus to work and to talk to her professor, but I imagine she'll be home for dinner.

R did not come by yesterday, choosing instead to spend the day with her sweetie just hanging out. For some reason, I think my children think this bothers me, as in I need to have them around all the time, or at least know what they're doing. Neither is true, of course. What I want is for them to have their own lives. Do I feel the need to talk (or email or something) with R every day? Yes, I do, because she lives alone, and someone who lives alone should touch base every day; it's a safety thing. If and when the time comes that she lives with the sweetie, I'll assume that he knows where she is, and if she'll be late, etc. etc., and if she's missing, he'll call me. I didn't speak to my kids every day when they were away at college because I knew they had roommates or friends who had the brains to call someone if they were missing.

My tired brain is starting to make less sense, I think. Six minutes until the bell (late today because of the testing) and then twenty more until the late afternoon person gets here and I can go. I need a nap, which I will avoid, even though not taking a nap yesterday didn't help me fall asleep any earlier. (Oh, okay, maybe it did. I fell asleep around one instead of two.)

I didn't look for the trainer today because of the strange substitute situation mostly, but I have worked out a good routine for the Wii Fit, based on stuff I found online here and there. So my questions are really about my hurty knee and my sore neck/shoulder, and what to do about those. I'll see what I can do in the next few days.

Later, home. Not only have I done more exercise today than I have in one day since I was maybe twelve, I've been drinking lots of water. Dr. Resnick will be so proud of me.

Many of the packages I was expecting arrived today, most of them Christmas gifts. But one was my replacement Mickey Mouse watch



(I put the lip balm there to show you how big it is. It's a big watch.)

and one was the supposed best sports bra in the whole wide world, Oprah's favorite sports bra! Aside from being bright blue and looking something like the breastplate on a German opera singer, the fit was terrible. Searching on the Internet for a sports bra will make you believe that anyone over a double-D simply does not take part in any sports-type activity, and not many double-D's either. But instead of just sending the blue bra back to Amazon, I called the company it actually came from, and the woman on the phone was very helpful and nice, and I'm sending it back to them and have already ordered two different ones from their website directly, and with a coupon code even. We'll see how that goes. All the sports bras I see in stores look like they were made for nine year olds, or Polly Pockets.

I'm going to sip some more water now, and configure my iPhone to play soothing sounds when I try to fall asleep later.


WATCHING KEITH OLBERMAN ON MSNBC :: ENTRY #1924
READING: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Shaking My Cobwebs Loose

There were other things that I wanted to write yesterday, but I got all discombobulated, so let's see how well I do today. I think I'm better today; at least, the headache is gone, or very mild.

Okay, first thing I wanted to tell you about is that I signed up at this site, armyofwomen.org, and you should, too. (I'm going to put a logo and a link in my template over the weekend.) Here's the idea: this doctor points out that there are diseases that have been either cured or eliminated in our lifetimes (like polio, mostly, or some forms of cancer that are completely treatable) and she believes that if we take an all-out approach, we can beat breast cancer, too. So she wants women everywhere to sign up for it, and then there will be an army of women volunteers willing to take part in various clinical trials and research by donating blood or urine or sometimes more, but anyone can choose not to participate in any study they're contacted for. My sister and I, as daughters of a mother who died of breast cancer, have both signed up. We've been told that what she had was not genetically linked, but who knows which research study will find the answer based on what criteria? So there you go.

I still have not booked our trip next month, but I will tomorrow. (Ooh, I'm sounding more and more like Scarlet O'Hara with every paragraph.) I think I know which hotels to go with, at least; but I never got the chance to call today, so I'll give it a shot --- you know when.

The SCM was out today, so at least I didn't have his face there making me mad at him, but the sub who was in for him was a little odd, and kind of hovering all over. I'd never met him before, but apparently he was in for me most of the time I was out last January, so at least he knew what to do.

Oh, I talked to the Sibs about Aunt Sarah's possible lobotomy, and she thinks she didn't have one. Her logic is, if Shirl told us about Aunt Sarah's getting electro-shock therapy, she would have told us about a lobotomy, if there had been one. And she would have known, because certainly my grandparents would have known, and Sarah's daughter Edie was an only child and my mother was like a sister to her. (Edie's son tells me that "Shirl" is the only name Edie still recognizes.) Anyway, so I guess she didn't have one. The image I keep seeing in my mind is how my grandmother was with Sarah, who was her sister-in-law, but they were actually best friends who married a pair of brothers, so they were friends first. If there was a picture being taken, Grandma Ida would get Aunt Sarah from the chair where she was sitting and staring into space, and take her arm and remind her to smile. If someone called out "Dinnertime!" Ida would wipe her hands off, take off her apron, and go into the living room and gently lead Sarah to the table. She talked to her, I think, as if nothing had changed between them since they were 18. Once again, interesting how we learn to be people by watching the people around us, eh?

My house is still clean. One day and counting.

WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS :: ENTRY #1878
READING: Lies My Teacher Told Me by James W. Loewen

Not Much

Not much is going on, but I feel like I may have turned a corner on this summer, not in a bad way. I went into school today and had a very pleasant and productive meeting with the principal. I also spoke with the Martian and cleared the air on that whole issue.

What was interesting about my talk with the Martian is that I felt completely like my real self. I had no anger towards her whatsoever, nor defensiveness. She appeared a little fragile and even frail. As I result, I went totally into protective mode, which is more like the real me. I would never come on strong with someone I perceive as weak or needy. Anyway, I apologized again, she thanked me and said continued apologies are unnecessary, we agreed to start fresh from here. Which is all I need.

Again, I think I'm feeling emotionally better today because I'm feeling physically not too bad. My shoulder isn't bothering me, my tummy has been quiet today, and what I thought was a cold seems more like allergies today (which is to say, it's not getting worse, like a cold does.) I took a reasonably pleasant two hour nap today.

The unfortunate moment of the day was when I put on a shirt to go out in and it was tight in the shoulders and didn't close over my massive bosom. I'm wearing one of those bras that has its own shape, so to speak; it could stand up on its own, so I'm hoping its that and not, heaven help me, more weight. I'm afraid to get on the scale as it is.

I am making more of an effort to finish the book I've been reading forever, and I got As I Lay Dying out of the library today while I was in school. I read The Sound and Fury when I was in college, which left me feeling no need whatsoever to read more Faulkner, but R thinks I should try this one. We'll see how it goes.

And that's it. I have a facial on tap for tomorrow morning. This is certainly The Summer of Me.

WATCHING TWO AND A HALF MEN :: ENTRY #1817
SUMMER BOOK #3: The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon

I Walked to Work This Morning

Today was the last leg of the Great Summer Car Repair Marathon, and K's car was in the shop, but she had a doctor's appointment. So I walked the mile or so. It was fine; I was a little achy here and there, but not worn out or anything, as I usually am when I walk. I paced myself, I listened to George Harrison tunes, I was fine. Then I got to work and I looked in a mirror.

I swear I never knew my hair even could frizz up like that. Roseanne Roseannadanna, anyone?


Which was a shame, because my haircut looked very cute yesterday and very sucky today. I'll have to work on it some.

The thing about yesterday's entry is not that I don't get good bras, because I am a big supporter *ahem* of going to a good shop -- a corsetier, if you will -- and getting fitted. It's just that the straps slip and stretch over time, and I just never think to tighten them up. But I will now.

I didn't get to the pep rally today because I had a meeting, and then K picked me up right at the bell, so I don't know how my little freshmen did with their cheer. I'll ask someone on Monday. But a few people on the staff told me today that they were amused by my routine the other day. As it happens, I had completely forgotten that the faculty was standing in the back of the auditorium at the time. Heh oops.

And that's it. Have I only been back at work for a week? Not even, actually. It feels like I never left.

WATCHING LAWNORDER :: ENTRY #1575

I Feel Like a New Woman

Seriously, you've got to try this. But first:

I went to get a haircut after school, just a trim. Now, I wore today a variation on my normal daily uniform: jeans, a tee shirt, and a button-down shirt over that, long sleeves rolled up. (When it's cold, I'll wear a sweater instead of a button-down, but I digress.) Usually, I wear a dark-colored tee shirt for camouflage purposes, but I wore a solid black button-down today, so I wore a lovely textured white tee underneath. It's not like I was ever going to take the over-shirt off, anyway.

But I took it off to get my hair washed, and while my hair was cut. Before the stylist came over and put that drape-y thing over me, I was sitting for several minutes, looking at myself in the mirror in that white tee and all I could think was "I look like every old bat I've ever seen with her boobs down to her waist. Omigod. Why oh why can't boobs just stay in the proper boob-place your whole life? Is that too much to ask?" And then I was covered, thankfully, and put the button-down back on as soon as my hair was done.

What did I do when I got home? Okay, maybe this is just common sense, but I'll bet there are plenty of us -- okay, not you, Cosmic -- who just never think of doing this:

I shortened up my bra straps.

Well, yes, I couldn't get away with sleeveless because my bra is up to my armpits, but let me tell you, ladies: I looked in the mirror -- wearing the white tee -- and I look like I lost ten pounds, or maybe it's ten years. Okay, they're not where they were when I was 16 -- that ship has sailed, its rotted hulk resting on the bottom of the sea -- but maybe where they were when I was 40, so that's something, eh?

Listen, you gotta get your kicks wherever you can these days. Fred Thompson is running for president, and I'm not getting any out of that.

WATCHING LAWNORDER (as per Red Nose) :: ENTRY #1575