I Am Benign

Let me 'splain.

First, I am good in a crisis. Not a crisis like the heat going out and being afraid the house will blow up, but a medical crisis. Mine or someone else's, I am always calm. I got it from Jack, my sister is the same way. So that's one.

Two, I am both a pessimist and an optimist, so I always fear the worst and expect the best. I am the one who looked at the x-ray of my brain and said "Oh, there's a big spot on the film; they'll make me go back and do it again!" and my sister, beside me, did not say "You moron, that spot is something that is actually IN YOUR BRAIN" which the doctor told me two minutes later it was, and still, I did not freak out. There's nothing to be gained by it, for one, and it's better for me, for two.

Three, they have been seeing "shadowing" in my mammograms and ultrasounds for years, and I knew this was just a matter of doing the right thing and following all the procedures. The doctor did say that she couldn't tell me 100% it was nothing, because then she wouldn't have had to do it at all, but we expected nothing. Does this mean it will always be that way? Could be, or maybe not. My mother was very good about mammograms and following up, and it got her anyway. You do your best with what you can, and then you take what comes. I'm philosophical about certain things, but as we all know, not everything.

So I've been home all day while the workers are hammering and sawing and whatnot upstairs in the closet. I took a peek when they went to lunch, and it looks good, and now I'm ready for them to be done. I got washes done and I wrapped some gifts, and got some more giftwrap while they were out, but otherwise I'm just here. No writing, as it turned out. I'd like to do the Wii Fit when they leave; I haven't done it in a week, since I had that sinus-y thing.

It's still raining, colder than yesterday, and I have no interest whatsoever in going out. Naturally, the Hubs just asked if I wanted to go out dinner. (I do not. Another day, perhaps.) Husbands are so strange and oblivious sometimes. He is looking right at me and doesn't see that my hair is unwashed today and I have no make-up on, not to mention I couldn't shower because of the little tape on where I had the needle, so I'm not exactly fit for an outing in public.

R is flying off tonight to visit a friend in Colorado for a long weekend, so K is staying at her place tonight, since it's right near her school (and she has a class tonight) and this way she can feed the cat tomorrow morning before she comes home (presumably to hang up all her clothes, at last.) So, quiet (except for the drilling and hammering, for now anyway.) I was hoping to put together the Christmas tree today, but would prefer to do so without the Hubs interference assistance. We'll see what tomorrow brings. The little weather bug at the bottom of my browser seems to be showing snowflakes. Joy.


WATCHING Ellen :: ENTRY #1935
READING: How to be Good by Nick Hornby