Open Up! Grammar Police!

Now, listen. I am not a horrible person when it comes to correcting people's grammar. (Although I thought this was funny.) I don't do it in person. I don't care about things that are written informally, like diaries. I know that my grammar is not perfect in my diary entries. I'm a nice person.

What I cannot abide is grammar mistakes in websites that should know better. Take for instance, this, from CNN:

U.S. deserter faces deportation from Canada

(CNN) -- A U.S. soldier who deserted to Canada will not face persecution if he returns to the United States, Canada's refugee agency ruled Wednesday.

Really? He won't face persecution? You mean his neighbors won't shun him, or mock him, or throw eggs at his house? Hmm. Could they have meant that he won't face prosecution, as in, there will be no legal penalty levied against him? I wonder. I also wonder why CNN has no editors who know better.

I had another one, but I don't know where I bookmarked.(It was an article from the Associated Press.) But as long as I'm ranting about general idiocy and kids -- didn't someone mention kids? -- there's this one. I have a new hero.

Yesterday, after school, a girl came to my desk to ask me for help with something, and while I was explaining to her, her cell phone rang and she she answered it. I didn't say anything, just turned to the next kid waiting for me, but I can tell you that it will be a long time before I will answer a question or provide assistance to this child. We'll see if she figures it out.

And then, my big project is due today and I have previewed several for the kids who've asked me. They fall into two categories. One is for the kids who are incredibly hyper about everything and whose projects are perfect but they're worried that they didn't get it right. The other is for the -- excuse me -- IDIOTS who sat in class and listened to my directions, and read over the printed directions I gave them, and especially followed along with me step by step as I did it on the big screen and they did it on their own computers and who have been asking me ALL DAY LONG how to do it. Yes, it's due today. So then they ask me if they will lose points if they hand it in late. Uh ... yup. One girl was trying to negotiate the rubric with me earlier today; what if she leaves out this or that, will I take off points? Well yes, dear, that is how rubrics work. You do the work, you get the points. The opposite is also true. I asked her if she remembered that a big part of this project is following the directions, and she said she did. But here's my favorite.

There is one boy who falls into the hyper-but-probably-getting-it-wrong sub-group. He is nervous, he is annoying. He must confirm every single possible detail with me before he makes a move, even though he knows the right answer, because at this point, when he asks me a question, I look at him and then he answers it himself. I understand that he is hesitant, nervous, meshuggeh. But then he got on my last nerve.

One of the more foolish directions I gave them, just to see if they'll follow it, is that they must spell the name of our town correctly. (They are not required to use the name of the town in the project, but many of them do.) The name of our town is two words, two separate words, each of them capitalized. It is on every street sign. It is on every school building. It is on every sweatshirt, t-shirt, athletic bag or whatever that 65% of the kids in the school are wearing or carrying every single day. Now, two-word town names being not the norm (I guess), outsiders will often misspell it as one word, no separation, no caps on the beginning of the second word. This looks ridiculous. Imagine that you worked at the Container Store, and people kept sending you mail at Containerstore. It looks stupid. So I told the little dears -- emphatically, with circles and arrows and shouting and yelling -- that they must spell the town name correctly, and if they spell it wrong, they will receive an F on the project, case closed. Why? Because I'm quirky, and this is what I told them and this is what they have to do. It's not difficult. It's intelligent. Everyone, really, by the time they're in high school should know the name of the town in which they live, yes?

So neurotic boy comes over today and asks "Do we spell it with one word or two? Which is right?" I look at him. "One word is wrong, right? If we spell it as one word, we fail, right?" Yes. Right.

And let me point out that this young fellow's father, a former student of mine, is a town police officer. So not only is the town name spelled correctly on the boy's own football jersey and class sweatshirt, it's spelled correctly on every item of clothing his father wears every single day.

And you wonder why the kids are giving me fits today. Some of them are behaving very stupidly. I have had to explain the same simple procedure (which I taught in class, gave handouts, demonstrated, checked for understanding, etc. ad infinitum) to maybe 20 kids between yesterday and today. And some of them still got it wrong. Oy.

And yet ... tomorrow begins a four day weekend, aka bliss. Maybe a little sleeping later, maybe a little of this, a little of that. Y'know, bliss.


WATCHING FRIENDS :: ENTRY #1760