Through the Years

[copied from dland]

So, yesterday, the Sibs and I were waiting for the ridiculous ceremony to begin, and she was bored -- she's a bored-a-phobic, and I had suggested she not bring her knitting to the courthouse; it was a little too Madame Defarge for me -- and I told her I had all kinds of little video things on my iPod and she wanted to see what I had, so I pulled it out, and before I could stop myself, I showed her this:

Make an online slide show at onetruemedia.com

I posted it here before, when I made it, but I hadn't shown it to lots of people because I thought it might be hard for them to see. K saw it because it was on my screen here in the family room, but I guess I didn't send it to anyone else. The Sibs in particular can have issues when it comes to Jack and Shirl, and I guess when I made it, I thought it would be a hard time for her. But yesterday, she saw it, and was moved, as am I when I see it again. It's the pictures of course, and also the song.

As we were waiting for it to come on, she looked puzzled, like she didn't hear anything on the headphones, and I said, "It's that Kenny Rogers song, you know," and she said "Kenny Rogers song? You mean the one that mommy loved?"

Excuse me?

It's a funny thing, you know, that we're sisters and we both spent so much time with our parents, and still, there are things that I know and things that she knows and they don't always overlap. This must happen in every family or circle of people, I would think. Anyway, even before my parents died, when I first heard that song "Through the Years," it made me think of them. They had their issues, god knows, but still. They were married for 58 years. They stuck it out. What I didn't know was that my mother also totally thought that song was them. It's as if it became "their song", like they needed a new one at that point. (No idea what their original "their song" was, but I'm thinking Doris Day singing with a big band kind of thing. My mother was also very fond of "Sentimental Journey," so maybe it was that.)

Anyway, I'm somehow very psyched that I thought this song was so very "them" and Shirl did too, without my even knowing.

The Sibs said she loved the movie, but it made her sad. I said it made me happy. But I was listening to the song in the car before, and I realized that it makes me happy and said at the same time. I talked to her, and she said it was the same.

Sometimes it feels like one or both of them -- Shirl and Jack -- is right here, listening and knowing. I can just hear Jack's reaction to that one: "Uh! That's foolish." because he was an atheist and did not believe in an afterlife of any kind. (A note on that: for years he would describe himself as an agnostic, but decided after age 80 that no, he was sure now, and therefore an atheist.) But Shirl, I know, would buy it for real. So as far as I'm concerned, she's right here somewhere. Maybe if I'm a good girl, she'll come and talk to me in a dream soon, or more likely, call me on the phone in a dream, which has happened a few times before. Best dreams ever, being with and talking to someone you love who's gone in real-life.

So that's where I am at the moment. Feeling the good stuff.


WATCHING no idea :: ENTRY #1314